In my last blog, I presented some of the opportunities life has gifted me with to explore Choice, to choose being a “victim” of my life story, or a “hero” lifted by gratitude.
Are you tired of hearing yourself tell the story about what “happened to you” AGAIN?
Are you ready to let go, surrender, forgive and thus open up space for more?
Do you prefer to repeat life patterns over and over and over again?
Do you enjoy being stuck in mediocrity and suffering?
Writing that last post was very difficult for me, I hear people say you have to share what you’ve come through, so people can relate. Yet, why? Why do I want to focus on that which was? Why would I not wish to live and celebrate in the here and now?
As I work with clients, and teach classes/workshops I am often shocked by how most people want to carry around their “sad story”. They choose to stay stuck between yesterday’s negative experience and today’s opportunity.
I wish for all people the pure Grace of Beingness! The Freedom, Peace, Joy, Expansive Gratitude and Playful Wonder of this space just makes me smile from within, creating a simple giggle.
I close today by asking you, “How do you want to journey life – stuck in your chosen suffering or dancing in the grace of Being?”It is Your Choice….
Today I challenge you, write down all the “stories” you have told over and over and over again while holding a negative emotion/energy.
Ask yourself if hanging onto this story serves you?
We shall explore more tomorrow.
If you Choose “Learning to Dance in the Grace of Beingness“, then continue to join me, for we shall explore more about Beingness and then next week dive into Transformation.
What has brought me to this page to write about “Beingness”? In the chaotic busy world we live in, it almost sounds backwards from what we are taught. “Just Do It” is the mantra, right?! The key word there being “DO”.
I respect and honor that life does requiring us “Doing”. However, I have learned the hard way, that if you do not first live from that place of “Being” the DO is like swimming against the tide in a hurricane.
Who am I to write such stuff, you may ask? How can I remotely know how challenging life can be?
Well, life has gifted me with many opportunities to vulnerably surrender into the pure grace of BEINGNESS. I’ve had so many opportunities to “give up”, feel like a failure and choose not “good enough”.
Here are a few of those cutting edge times (perhaps you will relate):
I watched my car get pulled away because I could not make the payments. Leaving me and my two young children with our walking feet and bikes for a year and a half (my daughter was in first grade, my son in fourth).
I closed the door to my home of sixteen years, as the mortgage company took possession, for I could not make the payments. This amazing home grew me up as a woman, witnessed the birth of my two children and graced me with solace and peace in the storms of life.
I have lost jobs without warning, leaving me with no way to provide for my children and self.
I have juggled working three jobs to make ends meet.
I’ve experienced having only a $1.76 to my name and wondering how I was going to feed my family and keep a roof over our head.
I went back to college full time in my forties, while working a job and raising my 6 year old daughter and 9 year old son. At this time we had no car.
We had to move in with an incredibly gracious family for five months. Three teenagers, three adults, one bathroom in 1800 square feet. My 16 year old son and I were roommates during this time, his bed rested less than two feet from mine.
I had every penny garnished from my bank account by a credit card company. The money was for rent, food, and living expenses for my children and self. It was ALL gone. Discovered this loss as I tried to pay for our groceries.
These are just a few of the times in my life where I was pushed up against the wall to make a Choice.
The pure state of “Beingness” is the loving grace that calls one home to a truth beyond verbal sharing. It is the infinite calm in the storm, the peace in the chaos, the light in the dark… In a world that teaches “Do”, I wish to help you remember and discover the empowering gift of “Being” – for it is the loving, peaceful center within the storm.
What an amazing week it has been to explore our Expectations. Now it is time to decide for yourself which Expectations serve you, creating more in your life and which ones burden you, limiting your growth and joy?
Life is a constant journey of becoming. If we notice, breathe into our personal awareness and then choose for OURSELVES we start to travel down the path that is uniquely our own.
What might you learn about yourself, your family and the world around you if you truly explored the Expectations that riddle your life?
If you were suddenly picked up and placed in the middle of a small village in Vietnam what would you witness that was different? What Personal Expectations about how people should live, might you face? What about how we should eat? What we should be doing? How we dress, communicate, the list goes on and on…
Now you are lifted and placed in the middle of Moscow, Russia. What might you struggle with here? Why? How do your Expectations that are wrapped up in your Domesticated upbringing impact how you adapt?
Next you are carried to the Al Haram Mosque, Mecca, in Saudi Arabia. What would you feel? Why? How much of what you feel is created by what you are taught, what you should EXPECT by being there?
Finally you find yourself dropped into a farm in the middle of Nebraska, in the United States. As you place yourself into the experience what do you now feel? Notice your physical, mental, and emotional reactions. Where do they come from? Why?
As you gift yourself with the awakening to your Domesticated Expectations the world becomes a much more friendly place, for we begin to understand that everyone is living from a place of “taught” ways to BE and DO. As a human BEING what might you discover if you explore the depths of your own desires and passions, setting yourself free from Expectations that do not serve your truth?
Why waste time exploring Expectations? Who cares? What does it matter?
I daily observe and witness the backlash of Expectations. Some are subtle, while others compound and intensify into something quite frustrating. As humans we tend to carry around the idea that people “get it”, of course they know what we want and how we want it, right!? Doesn’t everyone do it that way, want it that way? The truth – NO!!
We are all unique, raised in different homes, impacted by our own special families, brought up in a culture and way of thinking and believing that is exclusively our own. Therefore our Domesticated Expectations are individualistic in addition to those that we have chosen personally for our way of being.
Notice today as you walk around, how does someone in your office prefer their desk? Is it neat or cluttered? How do you drink your coffee versus your friend? Do you make your bed, but your partner never makes the bed? Are you one of those people that has the personal Expectation to work out everyday? Do you Expect people to open the door for you? Etc..??
Tomorrow we will dig into our assumptions around Expectations – the powerful boomerang effect that can have some really negative impacts. To prepare for that, think about how you do or do not communicate your Expectations. Do you Expect your family to know what you want, how and when? Do you Expect your partner to know certain things that you have never communicated? At work, do you assume that your boss and colleagues know how you feel and what you like/want?
As you more deeply explore and become acquainted with your relationship to Expectations (attaching worksheet here, just in case you missed it) you can empower yourself to make choices. Do your self-imposed Expectations serve you or not? Do they enhance your life experience? Create a sense of peace, expand love, spread joy, open up more, etc..? Or do they burden you? Limit your capacity to relax and enjoy? Impact your health and well being?
As you become aware of your sneaky Expectations, you will begin to understand how they can often cripple and harm your relationships and quality of life. Do not criticize yourself for any of them, for many came into your world through the Domestication process. An example might be – what is your Expectation for cleaning the space you live in? Your Expectation for who you should date, marry, share time with or even talk to? Your Expectation of what you should be wearing?
As I journey and keep vigilant awareness around my thoughts and choices, I notice that some Expectations have served me for years, such as my workout regime. However, like all things, our needs and desires morph, so it is important to adjust accordingly. Recently I have been exploring what is my “new” Desired Expectation with regard to working out. I no longer enjoy or wish to push myself in the gym as I once did, it does not serve my present desires and uses. Thus, I have been releasing my Expectation of how my workouts “should” be to readjust and adapt to where I am now. Whew, what a sweet gift it is to release such pressure and judgment.
All things in life change, transform and morph. Impermanence is a given. So what we once Expected from ourselves or others may not serve today as it did yesterday. Be open to the discovery that some Expectations have never served the TRUE Self. Have fun continuing to explore your Expectations, releasing those that do not serve to open the space to BE (check out The Beingness Project post for more).
I woke today in pure, sweet, quiet grace… I could feel the nag of the human doing-ness pull on my arm. I told it to wait, to allow me the joy of BEING. As I welcomed the layered stillness and coolness of a 3:00am morning, the precious time before the world gets crazy and the chaos begins, a question rose from within me – “Why?” “Why do you get up Fawn?” “What propels you to step into each day?” “Why do you go forth into this world day after day?” “What is your ultimate truthful WHY?”
Instead of brushing such a question aside, I sunk into its expansive grace. I allowed it to cradle me like a lover’s gentle warmth. As I breathed deeply into it, I smiled at the answer which always gurgles up with such beautiful clarity – to BE LOVE. If I swim in the vibrational energy of love, all personal and outside expectations slide away, like a raindrop releasing itself from a leaf.
Today I greet you with a question – What is your WHY?
If you release yourself from ALL personal and outside expectations, if you let go of ALL do, if you surrender into the luscious grace of BEING, what rises from within as your WHY to BE?
As you explore this question, you might ask yourself, is life driving me, or am I driving my life from my WHY of BEING?
This is a HUGE week, for Expectations impact our daily lives way more than we realize. While they are not “bad” per se, they often have very powerful impacts due to their quiet relationship with assumption. During our Domesticationprocess, we are taken from our innocent, open, non-judgmental babyhood, into our journey to become an adult. As we grow up we are bombarded from all angles with teachings and “ways to be”, that form our foundation of expectations.
Let’s do a simple comparison – a child born in China is raised culturally and societally very differently than a child born in the United States. Now let’s expand that difference even more, a child born in a small village in China versus a child born in New York City in the United States. If we then add on religion, school, and family, the layers of domesticated expectations are intensifying and expanding.
What gets harmful about expectations is the quiet dance it has with assumption. We assume that others know and understand our expectations, that we do not have to share them, or communicate what we expect. However, as I shared in the video, expectations can be subtle or prominent.
Some examples of prominent expectations are the societal, cultural and religious “rules”. Such as, you are expected to wear clothing in public, you drive on specific sides of the road, you eat with utensils or fingers in a distinct way depending on where you live in the world, you practice or take part in certain religious holidays or activities…. By now I think you get the idea, I could fill pages with the domesticated expectations we are groomed to live by.
The ones I want to explore this next week are the more subtle unspoken ones, for they directly impact our most important relationships. Again I must remind you that these expectations are taught and learned through our domesticated upbringing. The good news, we are at Choiceto hang onto our expectations or change them. Even better news, if we learn to communicate our expectations we change everything, freeing ourselves and others from the burden of assumption.