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Chasm Between Childhood & Elder…

Her eyes sparkle with joyful trust, her feet skip with abandoned freedom, her voice rises with no apology and her hands reach for the dust that sparkles in glittered suspension. She is free, wild and in ecstatic expression of the bliss which always is…

Her face was lined from years of living. Her eyes twinkled, bursting with memories etched like fireworks on a dark night. Her smile beckoned one to sit and listen. Her legs no longer danced, they lay bent and disfigured on the bed, raw open bed sores seeping at her hips. Her vibrant spirit encircled you the moment you stepped into her space, there was no victim in this room, no woe is me, instead one was greeted with dynamic passion, simple happiness, and a peacefulness that gently kissed you on the cheek. 

Who are the “her’s” I speak of? The first is me, dancing in my childhood living room, chasing the sun dust I stirred up with my exuberant joy. The second “her” is a divine woman I was blessed to care for in a nursing home years ago. Her aliveness, grace, peace, and love still dance in my memory. She and others I cared for knew a truth, as did the child in me. 

What did they know? They knew that happiness, love, peace and contentment always exist. They knew tranquility and exuberance did not exist in things outside themselves. They knew that it was accessible in all moments. They knew that no one could give it to them, yet they lovingly shared it. They knew it was a choice.

The years and space between innocent curious childhood and the wisdom of one’s latter years is full of “shoulds,” “comparisons,” “judgments,” and the measuring of oneself against a society often textured with fear and distrust. I do not have to sit very long in a cafe before I can hear someone criticizing themselves, or attacking someone else. The stories swirl around like the sound of an espresso machine, surging like the white foam with blame, shame, hurt, victimhood and discontent. It breeds like flies on a patio table, snatching up every scrappy morsel to inject the psyche with why life is so miserable. 

Why do humans choose this? A question I have pondered since I was five years old. Why do we let go of our passionate desires to instead fly someone else’s kite? Why do we slam the door on the pure potential of joy? Why do we kick happiness to the curb, to welcome and invite stressful frustration? Why do we say “have to” instead of “get to”? Why do we choose to go through our days and moments on auto-pilot, waiting for someone or something else to make us better? Do we prefer to wait, to lie on our deathbed watching the autobiographical movie of regret? Why do we look in the mirror with such self contempt and hatred, for as young children we loved our reflection? I ask all of this with curiosity and a desire to understand.

A body twitches with delightful anticipation when a matchstick of wonder is lit beneath…

In my sophomore year of college I was blessed to work at an international daycare. Here I witnessed children from all over the world. They danced, played, laughed, cried, and enacted make believe stories together. Dynamically they engaged with each moment in present enthusiasm, viewing the world as a frontier to be explored. I sensed that the older children were on the fringe of losing this curious wonderment. In their play I observed them mimicking adults, their eyes became serious, their jaw set tightly, their voices lowered into somberness, like smoke their joy, spontaneity, compassion and kindness disappeared into the passing wind gust, leaving behind a robotic body controlled by the “taught” mind. 

Three years after working in a daycare, I found myself working in a nursing home. Here I discovered the grace and vengeance of aging. I was gifted to share time with souls who lived a full passionate life and others who were embittered with regret. The extreme chasm between the two slapped me stingingly as I would leave one room to enter the other. My heart and soul ached for those fighting their own shadow, their anger and inability to forgive expressed through pinches, punches, and verbal abuse as I tried to assist them to the toilet, shower or dining hall. Off the clock, I cherished the moments I got to sit and listen to the stories from those celebrating life. Stories of falling in love, having children, riding in a car for the first time, rising above struggle, appreciating the gentle flow of seasons, years, experiences, and the pure grace of a life lived fully. 

In my forties I found myself teaching language arts to junior high students. Here I witnessed the cross over in technicolor poignancy. A few young people desperately clung to their innocent pure belief that anything is possible, that one could reach for their dreams with unbridled passion. The majority of the students had given up, they did not dream, instead they chased visions of their future painted on the wall by parents and society. They swallowed hard the doses of expectations fed to them with the famous mantras, “when I have lots of money I will be happy, when I get my degree I will be happy, when I buy a house I will be happy, when I marry I will be happy, WHEN I… I will then be HAPPY. 

Ironically the joke is on us, for much of life is lived between the wild child and the wise elder. Thus I am forever grateful for the life altering gift of witnessing snapshots of age through my diverse professional life. They have  graced me with an awareness and microscopic view that life is really just a brief sojourn. A brief interlude to experience as I choose. 

Today I watch the sun dust with the pure delight of my four year old wonderment, I dance with unlimited joy, for I am not young, nor old, I am in between, kissing each spec of time with gratitude. 

Today I invite you to join me, breathe deeply into the child you once were before life manipulated you. 

Today I encourage you to take back the string to your own kite, feel it dance freely upon the winds of raw, wild adventurous, exploration. 

Invitations to play:

  • Dance to your favorite music.
  • Sing with unbridled enthusiasm.
  • Daydream upon the page, letting the ink describe what your heart can imagine.
  • Play the “what if” game – on a piece of paper and/or in your mind play out the potential of following a dream…
  • Meditate quietly, letting the images and thoughts arise from within.
  • Color, paint, create, letting yourself express freely.
  • Close your eyes to feel into and remember the child within, what did you love, enjoy, imagine…
  • Invite your inner child to play, then get ready for some fun, as you embrace the wonder and curiosity.

I’m curious, do you prefer to hang around the serious, somber, practical person or find great joy in spending time around someone who is passionate, vibrant, dynamic and happily living life?

Your soul’s invitation…

Which one are you?

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No Matter Where I GO, There I AM…

It has been way too long since I shared words upon this page. Sometimes I give in to the calling for a quiet hiatus, pausing to reflect, feel, explore and just BE. Often in this crazy world we forget what Just BEing can feel like. It seems to be ingrained into our personal psyche that if we are not DOing we must BE failing. I completely disagree!

The chaotic zoom of the world even in these times of COVID, incessantly taps on us like a crow pecking on a scavenged dirty cracker found upon a sidewalk. Over time we have become immune to such bombardment, calloused to the dings upon our “lifeblood” phone, the small inanimate object we take everywhere. Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Pinterest, YouTube, the list continues to expand. I am not against technology, I am actually very grateful for how it has kept my scattered family connected during these isolated times. As a writer at heart, I love coming to the page to dance with my muse, leaving behind the typewriter white out and loud din of pecking on the keys. WhatsApp delights me, for I am free to communicate when I want, for as long as I desire and in whatever format I feel like engaging in – audio, images, video, all of this at my fingertips, literally.

Just BEing, seems to be a forgotten playmate and lost gift. As a child you engaged with it all the time, for it sparked creative ideas, imaginary scenes and pure bliss. As you grew up, you inhaled the taught (domesticated) expectations, accepting without question that there was only one path to happiness. You pushed aside your precious inspiring playmate to engage with the “to do” list, goal chart, success ladder, asset collecting, bank account and programed paradigms of societal expectations. Now, please understand, I am not against any of the above listed things, matter a fact, I engage in all of them. I ask them to align with me, my dreams, my passions, my priorities and personal desires. It allows me to design my unique empowered path.

During my recent hiatus from this page and my other blog The BEingness Project, I explored more deeply the authentic truth

“And remember, no matter where you go, there you are.”

~ Confucius
Is there truly a wrong or right path? What if all life choices were about exploring the rich diversity of possibility?

As I deeply feel into what I desire for the next phase of life, I give myself permission to squish around the sensations of each idea. As though I am an explorer investigating the textures, smells, sounds and ambiance of a puffy white cloud. Suspended above my purposed next adventure, I take it all in – why, where, who, what… It has been my life experience that we jump like a frog to the next lily pad hoping that it will “fix” our problems, change our situation, or answer our unspoken and unidentified hearts’ desire. While the leaping in and of itself is intoxicating and thrilling, it does not change the reality that wherever you go, there you are. As I play with the soft red clay that forms my life, I give myself the time to unearth the richness or deprivation of each scenario. Does it lift my wings or is it another distraction, an escape route that ultimately leads back to the same dead end cul de sac?

Oh I am poised to jump! All my muscles are taut and ready for my invitation. Delightfully wisdom has started to blossom in full glory, encouraging me to BE, to FEEL, to allow myself the TIME to witness the possibilities as they play out within my heart and soul. What calls me, pulls me towards my song, my story, my sharing…? Cutting away at the puppet strings attached without my knowing, I float in the free fall, trusting the parachute of my own inner GPS guidance. What an exciting time, to stand at the edge of a new horizon, vast, limitless, infinite and grand… The only limitation is that which I put upon myself. Lifting my wings, responding to my poised muscles and heart strings, I set sail. There is no RIGHT or WRONG path, only the knowing that I choose to live a life of no regret. As the astute saying shares, there is no Uhaul that follows us when we pass from this life, thus I wish to fill the coffers of my time here with vapor held experiences, rich colors painted upon my heart, breath stopping memories of love and grace, and laughter that carries me home…

Thank you for joining me today, I forgot how much fun it is to BE with you 🙏🏻💖. It is my absolute life passion that each and every one of us remembers how to BE, how to hear and feel our heart/soul call. Rising into a life of passion, dreams and desires. When we walk naked on this path of personal truth, we touch and lift all who connect with us along the way!

If you enjoyed this little blog, here are a couple of old posts that invite BEingness into your life ❤️

What is BEingness

Allowing the joyful grace of BEing

How to begin the allowing journey of BEing

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Tantum Exsisto – Just BE

If I asked you are you happy? How would you respond?

I’m asking…???

Nike has their powerful slogan “Just Do It” which is recognized around the globe. Did you know that the slogan was inspired by the last words of a double murderer? I didn’t know that either until I researched. These articles from “Business Insider” and “The Washington Post,” share the brief story behind the famous slogan.

Why in the world am I talking about the Nike slogan? Well, for a few years now I have been chanting my own slogan. One that guides my existence, presence and choices. It is as simple as Nike’s 3 little words, except mine is shorter, 2 words, with the potential to have one more word if you want to get personal.

Celebrating in the grace of BEing is to open to the flow of infinite joy, love, peace and contentment….

Tantum Exsisto – Just BE

Tantum Exsisto Vous – Just BE YOU

Period.

End of story. Simple. Pure. Authentic. Vast. Endless. Infinite. All YOU ever have to “DO” is BE. BE YOU, from the internal space that is FREE from the human propensity to judge, critique, limit and deny.

If you have followed me for awhile you have read many blogs/vlogs that share my dream for every human to awaken their true BEingness. To breathe deeply into the inner sanctum of Exsisto, to feel and experience the all-embracing euphoria of BEing.

Ironically, I am Nike’s paradoxical slogan. However, I am not against “DOing,” I just wish for all to feel the difference between “Doing” and “Inspired Action.” DO is repeatedly attached to the sensation of “must.” Behaving from a reactionary space that is dictated by what others expect, mostly driven by societal/cultural “should dos.” BE comes from a desire, it bubbles up from the heart and soul, a craving to create, share, interact, express…

Tantum Exsisto utilizes the latin words “Just” and “BE” independent and yet transformative together. Why do we complicate? Why do we feel “UnWorthy,”, “Not Enough,” “Imperfect”??? What if we released all comparison charts, expectation grids, judgmental graphs and chose to celebrate “What Is,” allowing ourselves to blossom in our “BEingness”?

Look around your part of the world, what do you see and experience? Are people choosing their life, or reacting to their life? Are you living a life of choice? Or a life of DOing, because you are supposed to?

I experience a world full of “Doing” a “Reactionary” world that is presently spinning out of control. Have you ever noticed how beautiful the world slows down when you sleep? Sleep is one way of BEing that is accepted and encouraged. The bodies way to regenerate, recharge, just BE. Yet, today many people struggle to sleep, too caught up in their reactionary energy.

Every religious and spiritual “practice/teaching” has a root lesson in “BEing.” They invite us to reconnect, to remember, to awaken, to choose this space from which all things rise, all things exist, all is…. Oh it is phrased in many different ways, espoused in diverse practices – yet, in the unraveling and simplifying we come to – Just BE, Tantum Exsisto.

As a child you lived and breathed BEing….

Try this – Download this Worksheet to explore if you are Reacting to your life or Choosing your life. Use it to notice, not judge – remember, YOU are Enough, YOU are Worthy, YOU are Perfect right here, right now. Stop Fixing – Start BEing.

As a BEingness Guide, I am excited to share how transformational coming home to BEing is. Freeing oneself from a worried, stressed Reactionary life, to awaken your state of BEing. If you have read this far and are curious, send me an email – thebeingnessschool@gmail.com to schedule a free 30 minute session.

Today I close by asking –

  • Are you happy?
  • Is joy a sensation you often feel?
  • Are you stuck in a Reactionary Existence?
  • Is life full of delightful potential?
  • What would it feel like if you experienced yourself as Worthy, Enough, Perfect?
  • What if you made the choice to BE?

Join these fictional characters as they CHOOSE to BE

Tantum Exsisto – Just BE

In this moment, this moment, this moment….
Meditation is a powerful way to reconnect to your inner BEingness
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Keeping it simple to fuel my passions…

If you are following the magazine that speaks click here – “Just BE YOU”

As my regular readers know, I recently embarked on my next new adventure – living in the middle of the city in a tiny space (approximately 250 square feet). I have now been here two complete weeks and I can honestly say “I love it!”.

This last week I biked to work every day, taking five to ten minutes from door to door. My lonely car looks at me from the parking space, wondering why it has been abandoned. Daily I explore my current stomping grounds, admiring the changes that occur over the course of a day. The wee hours of early morning present such quiet freshness, street lights illuminate the diverse houses of this old part of town. Fallen leaves and mature acorns crunch on the sidewalk beneath my feet as I weave through the neighborhood. Evenings find me roaming farther afield, stretching the sunset for as long as I can. I admire the play of light on church steeples, carefully planted flowers and towering trees covered with their autumn attire.

Yesterday I treated myself to a morning latte, ordered from an adorable little cafe (Hyde Perk Coffee House) tucked into the Hyde Park zone . Walking up to the COVID created outdoor window I placed my order. While I waited, I enjoyed the tranquil street offering haloed quaint shops and restaurants.

As I sink more deeply into this simplified life I find myself celebrating the freedom to focus on my passions. Imbuing them with new vigor and delight. In decluttering and reducing the demands in my life, there is no denying or avoiding, the truth of my desires fill the space, beckoning me with intensified zeal.

It is strange after twenty two plus years to focus on just me. Being a mom has been the most precious and important role in my life thus far. Throughout the journey I always strived to maintain the woman within, juggling to balance the needs of my children and self. Now that they are off exploring their worlds, I find myself looking to the horizon with fresh eyes. Inviting the odyssey! Welcoming exploration! Bounding with faith into passions that stir my soul.

Keeping it simple has rekindled my enthusiasm. I feel like a fresh twenty year old, saying loudly, “bring it on!” I engage vibrantly with curiosity at what will happen next, for when we give wings to our passions, they lift us into exhilarating adventures. This is way better than being twenty at the beginning, for now I carry with me the wisdom of many life experiences.

I chuckle at all that has happened just since June, especially during such crazy times on our planet. I have been blessed to work and live on a farm in San Juan Island, Washington, I then came back to be called to the next change – living tiny in the center of the city. I am very excited to see what I attract next into my life experience. Watch out world, this girl is enthusiastically soaring into her “second life” with joyous gusto!

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.

Maya Angelou

Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you.

Oprah Winfrey

There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.

Nelson Mandela

This above all; to thine own self be true.

William Shakespeare

Provoking Questions for this week –

  • How do you fuel your passions?
  • What would you do more of, if you did not have such a long “to do” list?
  • If you had all the money you wanted, how would you spend your time?
  • If you were living your passionate life, what, where, how would you be living?
  • Do you live in the present day, or stuck in yesterday and or dreaming about tomorrow?
  • What excuses do you tell yourself over and over for not living your full life?

Thank you for journeying with me – isn’t life a grand adventure!!

If you are following the great adventure of Rita, Francine and Ken’s life click on the image below to learn more about the miraculous magazine 🙂 –

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Just BE YOU…

Are you happy? Do you like who you are?

Why or why not?

Can you remember a time when you were happy? When you really liked who you are?

When did you give others the permission to tell you that you were not enough?

As a person who has always been intrigued by learning, experiencing and exploring interpersonal aspects, I have spent the last thirty-five years investigating myself, others and the world around me. My bookshelves burst with self-help books. I engaged in workshops, classes, certificate programs, attained degrees, tried different jobs and…, all in quest for happiness and self-love.

About five years ago I finally woke up. Looking around me at all I had done, watching people on the streets, listening to colleagues, friends and family, I began to fully understand and more importantly KNOW from within that each and everyone of us is already perfect in our own unique way. No one needs fixing. Everyone is worthy. Everyone is enough. Everyone is on a journey doing and being the best they can in all moments.

When did we give our freedom of choice to others, allowing the dictation of society and culture to fence us in and suffocate our expression?

As I breathed deeply into this new found sensation, I felt myself joyously relax. A new depth of peace filled my soul. Joy gurgled from my very core, oozing out through my pores. Curiosity, wonder, love, passion, desire and pure delight sparkled in my conscious and unconscious being.

The ultimate Ah-Ha rippled through my very essence – awakening within me the truth of truths – All we have to do is JUST BE.

Each of us is a glorious sparkling star in the galaxy of humanity. Beautiful as a solo light, however, even more spectacular in the magnanomous milky way of diversity and concordance.

To look out with wonder is to give ourselves permission to dream, to explore, to play and believe…

For years now all I have wished and dreamed for is that all people come home to the quiet loving space which resides within. Discovering their quintessence truth – they are enough, they are worthy, they are perfect.

In a world where judgment happens first and kindness swings in last, we begin at a very young age to see ourselves as inadequate, not enough. Why do we do this to others and accept such beliefs for ourselves?

As I more deeply embodied the discovered truth, my world opened up in profound ways. Feeling completely “high” on life! I found myself wishing for everyone such pure grace. I cannot even encapsulate in words the full expansiveness of this sensation. It overflows, bubbles forth and lifts one to a pure space of bliss.

It is the reason I created my other blog/business space – The Beingness Project, for I dream of a world where we love who we are and celebrate the differences and similarities of others. It would be a very boring place to live if we were all alike, yuck! Diversity offers us opportunities to learn, grow, explore and discover. Differences stir curiosity and wonder. Just as we would find the world extremely mundane without diverse terrain, a population of clones would drive us nuts!

What might we discover if we believed in ourselves?

Lately I have been exploring the immense fun of storytelling, for we allow fiction to stir up hope, belief and new perspectives. “Just BE YOU” is a novel that journey’s with diverse characters as they come home to their inner truth. Waking up their passions, dreams, desires, joys and curiosities. Opening their hearts and souls to feel and know that they are enough, they are worthy and the world is a playpen to frolic in.

I do not pretend to be clear of human judgment, reaction, or moments of falling down in my self worth. I definitely still have my days where I am bitten by the world around me, its discontent, chaos, separation and extreme hypocrisy pry into my psyche throwing me into judgment, comparison and dissatisfaction. However, I am delighted that I can swing the pendulum back quicker and quicker as I practice breathing in deeply the truth of Just BEing. The world is a magnificent amusement park, full of adventures and discoveries. Can you imagine how grand it will be when everyone awakens to their ENOUGHNESS – gifting themselves to Just BE…

As I allow you to see me – I gift you with seeing yourself, for our innermost desires are rich in similarities…

If you would like to begin the journey back home to your resplendent self check out some of my early vlogs and worksheets to jump start the adventure –

  • Why Beingness? – Vlog #1
  • How much of your life is dictated by others? – Vlog #2
  • When did you stop trusting your emotions? – Vlog #3
  • Do expectations control your life? – Vlog #4
  • Can you imagine a life where you live free? – Vlog #5

I conclude today by asking you –

  • Are you Happy?
  • Do you like who you are?
  • Is life an adventure or drudgery?
  • Do you do what you SHOULD do, or what you WANT to do?
  • Do you blame others for your discontent?
  • Do you blame yourself for your unhappiness?
  • What IF – you loved who you are right here, right now and evermore?
  • How would your life be different if you started to live from your heart and soul?
  • How would life change for you if you stopped letting fear dictate?
  • What would you let yourself explore if you didn’t care what others think?

Happiness, peace, love, contentment, passion… are inside you, always. Today, Give yourself with the gift to Just BE YOU!

Join us on a fictional journey with a magazine that changes whoever opens it – click on image below.

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A Moon Bath…

It is five in the morning, I sit perched upon my bed, a writer’s roost to bask in the moon’s glow. I breathe quietly into the layered silence that emanates, filling the space with expansive questioning. My moon effulgence is sweet, yet, I know it is fleeting. Already sounds of traffic encroach upon the scene, foreboding the ticking time bomb we title reality.

I allow my gaze to partake of the sparkling moon dust that skitters across the hushed pond. All lights, except for the dimmed computer screen are extinguished. Maybe I can somehow prolong the radiance, delay the initiation of the emerging sun. Can I hold my breath, pull the chord that entangles the moon, beseech it to stay perched for my eye to see and my heart to feel?

I suppose she may wish to rest, to rejuvenate for her next rising. Taking her turn in the celestial dance, being careful to not overstay her welcome. I am charmed by her mysterious illumination, never does she fear the dark, instead she welcomes it like a cloak of glad tiding.

She accepts that often she is unnoticed, a mere sliver in the sky, bashful in her monthly cycle. Once upon a time we honored her, knowing that her waltz in the galaxy was as important as the suns tango and the rains boogie, all essential in the abundance promenade.

I sit now enveloped in the complete emptiness of her departure. Silently she slipped away, no bravado goodbye, just a quiet last wink to those who glanced her way. I hold that gesture as I rise like the sun into the manmade chaos. It’s my glowing reminder in the anarchy of human civilization that all is impermanent, fleeting, a mere glint in infinite darkness.

A moon bath caressed me into this day. I lathered and washed infusing my skin with her radiant energy. Armoring myself against the onslaught of human preoccupation, the ignorant forgetfulness that we are an intrinsic part of the whole.

Thank you moon glow, your touch has lifted me. I shall not forsake your gift, nor ignore your virtues.

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My Second Half…

At the young age of fifty-five, I find myself joyously standing in the center of that which has been and that which is preparing to blossom. An eloquent juxtaposition that feels like a merry-go-round spinning with exquisite suspended scenes.

In addition to my age gracing me with the realization that a lot of life has been lived, my children now soar off into their own adventures, pushing me out of the nest. As the truth becomes absorbed cellularly I find a gleefulness that encapsulates the carefree wild child I was and the passionate wise woman I am. Uniting and marrying the two for prophetic adventuring. A smile spreads, curiosity ignites, rhapsodic imagination takes flight.

In My Second Half…

I know I am worthy and divinely perfect as I am…

I unabashedly live, love, and explore…

I witness the beauty in the mirror, celebrating the gifts of time…

I gleefully embrace my enough-ness, freeing myself of unsolicited opinions…

I canter at full speed into the arena of my passionate dreams…

I leap with complete faith, burying with fervor the crib of regret…

I acknowledge with great gaiety that I am a success and always have been…

I sever the twine issued by judges, critics and fearful fanatics…

I am free to BE me, gyrating with grace into the infinite expansion of self…

I pledge to live engorged at the table of life…

In my second half, I welcome the rhapsody Carpe Diem…

Fawn Caveney

Yes, everyday is a fresh stretched canvas. A posed pirouette. A barren page. A ballad awaiting melody. Oh what delighted mirth awaits in My Second Half…

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Writing is my home…

As I joyously inhale the rich scents of Spring, I smile at the magic of the pond surface, it invites me to become mesmerized by its soft masquerade. Pretending to be the cerulean blue sky, budding trees and patchwork clouds, until a duck exposes its truth.

What we see may not be that which we believe…

I sit in contemplation, why do I write? I explore this topic with sincerity, for I am clear, I do not wish to be an inbox pest, or an in your face “look at me” bombardment in this technological age. Writing has been my calm in life’s storms. Words whisper on the wind, thunder in my dreams, offer safe harbor for my truths and ignite my desires. Writing is my home.

It occurred to me yesterday that there is a poignant difference between words that are meant to be READ and words that are written for one to FEEL. I put my words to page for the latter, hoping they may touch a part of you that knows and remembers. Like a firefly in a dark room, my writing arrives to kindle your heart, mirror your magnificence, and celebrate your existence. My words wish to be your friend, whether they resonate or not, it does not matter, they arrive free of expectation or judgment.

Words beckon me, they arrive in dreams, promenade on the wind, sparkle in sun rays and wink with the moon. As far back as my small human brain can go, they have called, beseeching me to hear, to feel, to know their exquisite texture, tone and truth.

A composer hears music, an artists woos colors, a singer ignites sound, a dancer feels cadence, a writer breathes words. I write because I must, whether or not anyone reads my sentences matters not to my persistent muse… As a willow will bend in the wind, the colloquy shall flow from within, arriving on any inviting surface.

“I do not write to convince you, I write to invite you…

I do not write to ignite your approval, I write to remind you of your magnificence…

I do not write to tell you what to do, I write to celebrate you

I do not write to tell you something is wrong, I write to empower you to choose yourself…

I do not write to give you 7 Steps to a better life, I write to inform you that you are already enough…

I do not write to critique your life, I write to reflect back your perfection…

I do not write to magnify your discontent, I write so you may embrace your worthiness…

I do not write for you to read the words, I write in hopes that you may feel the words…

I do not write to get your attention, I write because I must, it is who I am…”

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What Have You Learned???…

As discussion begins to formulate around going back to work, I find myself in deep reflection. What did I learn about myself during this time? How do I feel as I stare down the barrel of returning to the 9-5 game established in this society?

My family and friends would easily share with you that I have never been very good at staying within the lines of “societal expectations”. Since I was a child there is a different drum that beats in my heart, like a far off voice, it beckons me to follow my heart’s desire, or as Joseph Campbell’s famous quote wisely shares, “Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls.”

What a tightrope tap dance it has been for me. Like doing the “Hokey Pokey” I sometimes put my little foot in, however, more often I am yanking it out quickly, fearing it will get sucked into the quick sand of society. So many times along this journey I have quietly wished that I could be “content” with the cookie cutter society we’ve established, “just “Baaa…” along Fawn, follow the flock, be happy with what is, stop walking off the path,” I whisper to myself. The voice of “reason,” as some would call it, became even louder when I brought children into this world. In reflection, I wonder at moments, what if, I had chosen a path more in line with my values, like the movie “Captain Fantastic”. Of course part of my dream involved not doing it alone, I wished for that partner who also desired a sustainable life upon the land. Sooo.., I gave up on that dream, or better stated, I put it on the shelf where it has collected dust and cobwebs for years.

This unexpected time to truly just be with myself and my children has graced me with the opportunity to dust off the values and characters on the shelf; informing the spiders that they will no longer keep them company. In complete honesty, I started to dig into the protected chambers of my heart and soul when my son left for college three years ago, for his his sister was not far behind him. What did I desire for my second half of life? Where did I wish to live? Create, share, explore..? That time is now!

Pulling out my tightrope dancing shoes, gathering my dusted off values, passions and dreams I sit down to visit. Like grass erupting through concrete, the lusted for aspirations blossom anew. Pulling out pen and paper, my forever best friends, I make a list. What did I love about this “stay at home” time?

  • I loved not commuting to work.
  • I relished the quietness, listening to the layers of silence as they expanded.
  • I fell in love all over again with putting words to page, allowing my muse to dictate the flow.
  • I joyously celebrated the dream to “work & live” in the same place.
  • My body, mind and spirit relaxed into the beautiful simplicity, the washing away of chaos, stress and worry.
  • I celebrated the chance to only let in what inspired me, stirred my desires and ignited my passions.
  • Relishing the completely present time with my children, sharing meal creations, conversations, movies, games and walks.
  • Letting my body move without an alarm clock or tight schedule.
  • Sinking more deeply into the grace that nature offers in her infinite wisdom.
  • The gift to stay away from the chaos of the city, keeping my distance from the negative energy created by stress and angst.
  • The chance to play with new ideas, free of demands and interruption.
  • Allowing my quiet introverted soul to breathe deeply, embracing the peace that always is…

What did my list tell me? Certainly I can go back to “normal”, get back on the merry go round of commuting, punching in and out on the time clock, maintain a home, car, blah, blah, blah… Or I could begin to seriously listen to that far off voice. Encouraging the whispers of my heart and soul to rise in serenade, to crescendo into the new future.

I am curious, as we continue to navigate the COVID-19 phenomena,

  • What are you learning about yourself?
  • What is important?
  • What are your desires and dreams?
  • Do you want to go back to normal?
  • Were you happy?
  • Is this a new opportunity?
  • A chance to reflect, dust off forgotten wishes?
“Life is without meaning. You bring the meaning to it. The meaning of life is whatever you ascribe it to be. Being alive is the meaning.” ~Joseph Campbell

I shall conclude today with another powerful quote from Joseph Campbell –

“We’re so engaged in doing things to achieve purposes of outer value that we forget the inner value, the rapture that is associated with being alive, is what it is all about.”

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Wait or BE???…

During this unique time in our world I hear and read everywhere the desire to return to normal. It’s as though people are holding their breath because the air presently available is foul and encroaching on life as we know it.

As I lay in bed last night, watching the bright moon glow, I found myself contemplating,

  • Why are we waiting?
  • Why do we want to return to what was?
  • What if there is actually a new world that awaits us with positive changes?
  • What if this is a rare opportunity not a curse?

I do experience that people enjoy a routine. They like familiar and predictable. I am guilty of liking some simple routines myself, such as journaling every morning, the way I have started my day for over thirty years. I also relish my warm cup of Jasmine Green tea that accompanies my pen and paper in the quiet dawning. I love walking in the grace and splendor of the natural world, to feel my body flow with the rhythm of nature’s song. Yes, I have my daily pleasures that make my heart smile…

I can honestly say though, that I often query with my heart, soul and mind – “Does this daily habit serve me? Is it helping me to co-create a more joyful expansive life?” If that search uncovers that I am doing it for others, because I “should” (yuck), or to meet some outside expectation that I do not care about, then I stop and let it go. This is a constant dance of reflective exploring, an aspect of life that morphs as I grow.

As I journaled this morning, it struck me like a lightning bolt – “What if it is not about WAITING! Instead, it is a glorious chance to learn how to BE. Maybe for the first time in your life you get to just BE. Feeling into the rich expansive layers of who you are. Taking this time to explore the nooks and crannies of your intimate heart, soul, and quieted mind.

We can only hear our personal song, when we listen…

Throughout my life journey most of the people I meet do not want to sit in their own quiet. They do not want to be still, to hear the silence, feel their own heartbeat. When I broach the subject of just BEing, I am jolted by the fear and discomfort that presents itself. This saddens me, for only in the quiet space can the inner self have a chance to bubble up, the unexplored dreams surface and the hidden desires show up in technicolor.

Yesterday on my walk, I sat by the river watching freshly released seed pods float by, like watching the flames of a campfire, I was transfixed by their tango upon the water. A pair of osprey serenaded, dancing upon the wind currents of a cloudless azure sky. To complete the perfect setting, vivid green willow buds burst upon the exquisite scene. I welcomed the serenity, breathing it in with momentous gratitude. I allowed myself to float in the sweet reverie, grateful to Just BE…

Today I invite you to BE, allow yourself the grace to feel, breathe deep, listen to your inner being, ponder the thoughts that drift up out of the quiet internal space.

Of course as we know, it is always your choice. You can WAIT, hoping for change, expanding the sensation of frustration and worry OR you can open up to feel into the NOW moment, content to Just BE.

What if this time is not about Waiting, instead it is an offer to BE???…

I joyously announce that today I OPEN and SHARE the fiction writing side of me :-). Beware, it is an ongoing tale… Click to join me – “The Inner Being Quest, Your Personal Journey Home…”