I do not mean to make you uncomfortable…

As those that know me know, I have not walked a traditional path in any of the arenas of my life. Please understand that I have tried, truly I have – but it is like forcing a circle into a square peg!! That being said, I have grown to accept and celebrate this is who I am – honoring the immense experiences and gifts this way of living has bestowed upon me. However, it makes people uncomfortable; they don’t know what to say, they awkwardly wonder if they should feel sorry for me, or if there is something wrong with me, or….. I write this blog entry today for all the people like me and for all the people who do not get it.

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“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” ~Anne Frank

I am a person who lives presently in each day, embracing the unfolding of each moment. I used to try to force myself to make goals, follow a plan, jump through hoops, check the boxes that society told me I should – but, then I realized living this way made me feel dead. It killed the dynamic grace of being present with all that was happening and becoming. It forced me to always be looking into the future, often missing the subtle grandeur of today.

"Live life for the moment because everything else is uncertain!"   ~Louis Tomlinson
“Live life for the moment because everything else is uncertain!”  ~Louis Tomlinson

So…I have engaged in over thirty five different jobs thus far, enjoyed the joys of over twenty relationships and I am still a young fifty year old with much yet to live!! Over the years my family and friends have worried with a gracious heart, wishing I would just settle down in one profession and one relationship. Yes, both of those things would offer “security” according to our societal teachings, but this is actually a false security – for life can change in a flash, and in truth we never know how long we have to enjoy what is….!

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." ~Buddha
“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” ~Buddha

I engage in everything I do with 110% of my whole being! I show up at work with all of me, willing to serve to the best of my abilities. In relationship I offer myself wholly with no attachments or expectations – being honest to the very core of my being. Now the ironic twist to all of this is that for many this kind of presence is disconcerting and unsettling – they do not like to view themselves in the mirror, for when you show up in truthful, humble, complete presence you become a mirror for others to experience their way of being. It removes the “he said”, “she said”, the blame/shame, the need for right/wrong and opens instead a path for transparency that can offer incredible joy and love.

"Always Do Your Best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret."  ~ Don Miguel Ruiz
“Always Do Your Best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.”
~ Don Miguel Ruiz

Do not get me wrong, I fall down and become prey to our taught drama victim roles, where we blame and hide. However, after years of practice (great books to read that teach about living presently, one of my favorites is the Four Agreements, by Miguel Ruiz) I do not waste much time in being a victim, for that only hurts me and those I love. Instead I embrace each life moment as a gift, a teaching, and an opportunity for more, smiling at the memory it will soon become.

"Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life." ~Omar Khayyam
“Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.”  ~Omar Khayyam

Now a job may enter my life that I stay with for the rest of my living days, a relationship may enter my world that keeps me company til the end….Or not. I am open to any and all of the possibilities. In this moment as in all moments I overflow with gratitude for the unbelievable journey I have thus far traveled! There are no words to express what abundance life has bestowed upon me; the kind of abundance I get to take with me everywhere I go, not the material possessions that will not fit in my heart and soul.

"Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible - it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could."   ~Barbara de Angelis
“Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible – it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could.”  ~Barbara de Angelis

So, please do not feel sorry for me, or uncomfortable, for my life has been immensely full, rich, and vibrantly alive!  Can we instead sit down to share stories, laugh, cry, and BE in each others presence? Who knows what the rest of today shall bring, tomorrow, and…, I am excited to see and experience it all!!

"Live life for the moment because everything else is uncertain!" ~Louis Tomlinson
“Every moment and every event of every man’s life on earth plants something in his soul.” ~Thomas Merton
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Welcome Home.., to me!!

It has been a long time since my last post, too long, for in the written word I find home. I find my truth, discover new faith, revel in what is and celebrate all that is becoming. So, I joyfully come back to this blog with the clear intention to remember where home truly is!

“Writing is an act of faith, not a trick of grammar.” ~ E. B. White

I hope that you will journey with me. Much has happened in the four months since I last wrote, however I will not be using this blog to “tell what happened next”, but instead to explore more truly the name I have chosen for my blog – “Purposeful Renegade”. Beware, for you never know what may come in the next entry. I look forward to our time together and thank you for sharing this moment and place!!

“If a writer knows enough about what he is writing about, he may omit things that he knows. The dignity of movement of an iceberg is due to only one ninth of it being above water.” ~ Ernest Hemingway