This last Sunday I gifted myself with a sweet simple “do” day, after I enjoyed  a very delectable brunch with a dear friend. For months I had watched and walked around the drip-drops of water or frozen ice rink on the front porch, each time thinking I would clean out the gutters, so that the water could flow where it was meant to go… Winter came, freezing the leaves, branches, and dirt, gracing me with an excuse not to get the ladder out. This week the sun kissed the earth again after a long grey period, thus the drip drops on the porch stoop began again in earnest. The time had come!!

It was a glorious afternoon to do a little yard clean up, to clear out the clutter, relax through the body movement and just be; breathing deeply into the freedom to not do any work towards my expanding business. I gave myself permission to turn off the constant chatter and whirlwind of ideas, allowing myself to let everything soak in and be absorbed.

Aligning my ladder between the two parallel gutters I donned my yard gloves and climbed up to the overflowing edges filled with natural debris. Handful by handful I pulled the partially frozen gunk out of the burdened gutter and launched it into the awaiting garbage can. Each pile of organic material freed up space for the water and air to flow, it felt clear, open, and light. As I dissected the layered material and listened to my motivational recording I started to chuckle from within, for this sloppy, wet, limp, dark, semi-frozen sludge was an exact metaphor for all that I was clearing out of my body/mind/spirit. Ha…how absolutely perfect that I was finally cleaning the gutters and yard – why now? Because NOW I was ready!!

Since moving into this amazing home we are blessed to house sit, I found myself like a glob of silly putty, spreading out with a lethargic desire to just BE. Tired and exhausted from a life where I have perpetually tried to “fit in”, to be successful in other people’s businesses, rules, ethics, and philosophies, all while ignoring the inner nagging that there had to be more. The gift of this relaxed “being time” was way overdue for this single mom. I had not realized how desperately I needed to just breathe in the powerful gift of nature and allow myself to flow.

Since the New Year I had noticed a new vigor, an intense desire, and a willful power rising within me!! The time had come! With this determined sensation came a push to clear out debris, get rid of unnecessary stuff, and sort through material possessions I never touch or wear. Mind you while the intense urge is there, the action has not followed, for all energy has been focused on developing the business. Any of you reading this that have manifested a successful business on your own, understand that  the journey from “nothing” to “something” is laden heavily with layers and layers of negative self-talk and burning fear. Each day is a walk on the edge of the cliff, terrifying fear that you fall to your death, yet invigorated by each step as it expands into exhilarating discovery fueled by a passionate desire to keep going. A paradoxical adventure.

As a child one of my favorite children’s stories was the “The Little Engine That Could” – I read it over and over and over again. Then as a parent I joyfully made sure it was in the library and often on the top of the read pile. “I think I can…” has always been an inner mantra – today it is one I recite over and over again in each glorious day. This story has been a powerful metaphor for me, climbing the mountain when I don’t feel like I have the strength to go on; focusing on the peak when my body, mind, and spirit shake with exhaustion.

Sunday’s metaphor was not as pretty or cute as the little engine. The grimy, smelly, rotting sludge that I pulled from the gutters was perfect, for it metaphorically represented years of layered “accepted” self-doubt, negative personal disbelief and dishonoring the gifts and purpose I had been given to share with others. Each handful was a clearing, a freeing of dark unwelcome debris – each slap in the garbage can enlightened my very being. Looking up at the carefree water that now flowed to the spout made me dance with joy, for like me it could now merrily meander along.

I love how life can entertain us with metaphorical awareness if we are open to the hidden messages. Listening to our bodies, minds, and souls, will often lead us to do what we “need to do” to become more from within. Our very spirit wants us to expand and dance in full joy, love, and wonder of the infinite possibilities! We all have a unique gift and presence to share, sometimes it just takes us awhile to clear out the debris that blocks our path.

Happy Valentine’s day everyone!!

I begin twenty-seventeen in the best possible way – dancing!! Dancing with those I love, dancing with love in my heart, dancing with passion guiding my feet, dancing to the music of life!!! This dynamic start is a great metaphor for how I intend to embrace this year of living my purpose each and every moment.

This holiday my kids and I were blessed to travel to Michigan, the state that raised me from a child to a young woman. Every five years my whole family comes together near my dad’s in a rented house to celebrate Christmas and if possible New Years. Some of these family members I had not seen since the last get together five years ago, very sad, but true. It was a coming together of parents, four siblings and their families, along with cousins, and friends – our craziest day found us enjoying the company of forty people, while our quietest day found us intimately enjoying the presence of eight people.

This was a challenging holiday for me, having lost my job in November I wondered how I might be received, questioned and viewed. Most of my family members are great concrete thinkers, successful in their corporate worlds, financially sound and competent in their arenas of profession. I however have always been one to choose the least traveled path, explore new professions, jump into the passing boat for the life experience, and live the moments presently without the concrete plan. Growing up I wished that I could be happy with the uniform boxes society deemed as the path to success. I prayed that I could be driven by money and possessions. All around me everyone was living this way, doing the do, checking off the boxes, taking the steps to the next promotion and filing away a retirement account for the future. No matter how hard I tried, I could not live this way (I did truly try and wished I could) and today I am very clear that it is not my path and never has been. I completely respect and honor those that are happy and thriving in that lifestyle, for to me it is all about the internal happiness, joy in connection with those we love, and living a life that brings you peace, contentment, and grace – being in line with what instills you with passion and zest for a life with purpose.

This is neither good nor bad – just is… I dance to a different drum beat, I sing my own song, and I joyfully know I have a purpose that has been bonking me upside the head for a good thirty plus years. As you know from my previous blog entries I have known this truth for awhile now, however I have floundered on the clarity, along with trying to be patient for society to be ready for my offering.

When I look back into my childhood I knew when I was very young that there was something I was meant to do – a purpose I was meant to fill. So many times over the course of my life I have felt that I landed on a gift, came home to my “profession”. I laugh as I look back, for I was always trying to make it still fit within the confines of what people and our culture were comfortable with – this did not, does not work! We are all gloriously unique, thus our life expression is our own dance to share with the world. Ironically I have always been serving my purpose in one form or another my whole life – being the truth even when it is most challenging, offering the safe place for all to be themselves, assisting all who ask how to heal, holding those in pain as they release, en-passioning all who seek the spark, and dancing with everyone who will join me.

The world was not ready yet, I could feel it and thus I kept most of what I thought and felt to myself, for fear of being seen as crazy. The trees, river, meadows, earth, sky, and creatures knew my truth, for the 100,000 acres of northern Michigan woodlands were my sanctuary – my safe place to dance naked with complete abandon. To this day I go to nature to fill my soul, to connect with my truth, and to remember why I am here. For you see nature dances with complete raw exposure every day, in every moment, in complete wild grace at all times – she never judges, condemns, or ridicules – she gloriously dances with you in storms, sunshine, wind, and throughout the seasons.

New Years twenty-seventeen found me dancing with robust joy, unbridled passion, and invigorated faith in the company of my sister, brother, mother, children, niece, nephews, and….  It was the last night of our time with family, a perfect closure to a time of fully coming home unto me with absolute love. I had come with hesitation, fearful that I would not have the courage to stay true to my passion, concerned I would “take things personal” moving into a defensive place of hurt – instead I found myself healing, letting go of the old stories, and embracing with immense gratitude the love that lifted my wings to soar. Finally I saw through the self prescribed fear that my family and friends love me for who I am and they wish for me to succeed at whatever I dream. I left this reunion dancing with my body, heart and soul.

As I have shared before I loved what I learned from the young when I worked in daycare’s and the elderly when I worked in a nursing home – they are not afraid to be there truth, they joyously dance with abandon, passion, and joy. Dancing has been a gift all my life, it has soothed me in times of hurt, helped me to release anger and rage, joyfully enhanced immense joy and celebration, and opened me in times of quiet contemplation. Moving our bodies in union with our hearts and soul awakens us to our inner child and wise old soul. It is my hope that in 2017 you will dance with complete passion, surrender, love and joy!! I know it is time for this girl to take some FUN dance classes – anyone care to join me?