Yesterday’s unexpected flowing piece, was one written from the subconscious zone. It was not attached to critic, prose, or need to be concretely clear so that you could understand. The words arrived upon the page, mostly undirected by my brain, they swirled from within and without, guided by a knowing that was beyond this time and place.
Today, I shall share with you the story, more clearly explaining the canvas I painted, for it is one that represents each and every one of us. The scene takes place in a small one window bedroom. In the center of this tiny room is a simple twin bed, its coverlet a pale rose color, that rests upon white sheets, pulled up to the arm pits of a softly wrinkled body. She lies resting there, it is her day to breathe her last breath. To all who surround her, she is not really there, her breathing barely audible and her heart is gasping to be done. Her eyelids rest easy on her beautiful blue saucers, they have not flickered for days. They all stand there, watching, waiting, wondering. The thin blue cotton curtain sways gently in and out with the soft Spring breeze proving that life goes on.
This gracious dying woman has lived a long good life. Her family and close friends watch her, as her desire to go quietly is being fulfilled. The poetic story of yesterday documents her final minutes, it comes from behind her closed eyelids.
Let’s take a deeper peak at each paragraph, for the story shared is a truth for you, for me, for every being that breathes upon this planet. It is exactly what it states in the first line, a truth.., a quest that we ALL share, first breath to last. It is a simple powerful truth that we all wish to be CHOSEN. From our first gasping breath to our last barely audible sigh, we want to be chosen. Chosen by our parents, chosen by our teachers, chosen by our friends, chosen by our family, chosen by our employers/bosses, chosen by our colleagues, chosen by our lover, chosen by children, chosen by something or someone larger and grander than ourselves.
Paragraphs 1-3 introduce this quest, the paradoxical struggle we have in a world that does not recognize this inner journey. It is a world wrought with teachings that tell us that this deep desire of ours is fulfilled outside ourselves. It is quenched by other people, it is fixed by our successful accumulation and professional savvy, it is rescued by the religious institutions or spiritual practices. If you are willing to absorb the words of yesterday’s flowing expression, she tells you the truth as her soul flies free.
The first three paragraphs poignantly share our internal struggle. We ache to be chosen, to be touched, to be held, to be wanted, to be needed, desired and loved, yet, we do not want others to see this search. We are taught that it is a “needy” way to be, “weak” and most definitely vulnerably awkward. However, our inner self pulsates with an ache to be chosen. Think about the movies you adore, the moments love overwhelmed you, the experiences where a blush of joy surprised you, the times you were flooded with despair, full of anger and hurt – look deep into all these experiences, what was it, why did you feel the way you did or react to an experience with such emotion? Even in the dying scene of “Braveheart” we celebrate through our empathetic tears and pain. Grateful that he was CHOSEN, for only then could his purpose be served and heard. It is a great scene which depicts all emotions at once with the truth revealed. Or the “Last Samurai” when he dies upon the battle field. Or every Cinderella story every written, or…
Paragraph four explores the ways we make ourselves more acceptable and thus hope to get chosen. We wear certain clothes, makeup, hairdos, etc… We believe we will only be chosen if we meet or surpass some fictional perfection set by societal standards. We engage in harmful behaviors to lose weight, look younger, fit in…
Paragraph five reminds us that while our quest to be chosen through our outside appearances and status is going on, the inner real desire still pecks at us to pay attention. So we turn to escape, we plug in our earbuds, we focus on the television, living vicariously through others that get attention; people we view as chosen. We could never be that, for we are not “good enough”. So we listen and watch, hoping that something will change, that somehow we will still get chosen.
Paragraph six and seven take you back inside the dying woman. She is barely breathing. The shadows she feels are the people there to love her in the last moments. While on the outside she seems gone, inside her heart, soul, and brain still seek, ““Did I find it? Did I at least briefly dance with the truth of my desire? Was it there all along, hidden behind the smog of my existence.”” She is graced with an autobiographical movie in her minds eye, watching her life from first breath to last, her caretakers observe this emotional journey through her facial expressions.
Paragraphs 8-10 share glimpses of her as she moves from her birth (8),to her childhood (9), to her adult life (10). As she journeys through, she becomes enlightened to the truth. The connected thread of love and light that weave through her tapestry of life.
In paragraph 11 and 12 you get to experience her final breath with a spoken word – “CHOSEN”. She is released, “the final key to her prison cell” has been used, no longer does she search, her soul flies free.
In the final paragraphs, she bestows upon you her prayer that you will learn and know the truth. Her words beseech you to hear, for we are and always have been chosen. However, we do not feel or understand this truth unless we share it with others. As we grace others with this, our heart and soul expands, flying free in the immense ever present love that co-exists with being CHOSEN. No matter your walk in life, your religious or spiritual way, there is an inner chosen that is already there. It is a chosen beyond time and place – to be here, we are already chosen. Yet, if we keep this loving sensation of being chosen to ourselves and do not spread it out into the world, our own sense of being chosen diminishes, the fire of its truth smolders. Being CHOSEN is an infinite shared experience.
I hope this explanation helps to shine light unto the Quest of yesterday. May it awaken a knowing inside of you. In reading the poetic paradoxical story yesterday, you may have found yourself “knowing” but “not knowing”, for something inside you understood. It was that part of you which does not reside in your brain, thus I invite you to read it again, now with a blueprint for its clarity.
May today be guided by your inner truth. A.C.T. (always choose truth) from within your core to share eloquently with the world around you.