At the young age of fifty-five, I find myself joyously standing in the center of that which has been and that which is preparing to blossom. An eloquent juxtaposition that feels like a merry-go-round spinning with exquisite suspended scenes.
In addition to my age gracing me with the realization that a lot of life has been lived, my children now soar off into their own adventures, pushing me out of the nest. As the truth becomes absorbed cellularly I find a gleefulness that encapsulates the carefree wild child I was and the passionate wise woman I am. Uniting and marrying the two for prophetic adventuring. A smile spreads, curiosity ignites, rhapsodic imagination takes flight.
In My Second Half…
I know I am worthy and divinely perfect as I am…
I unabashedly live, love, and explore…
I witness the beauty in the mirror, celebrating the gifts of time…
I gleefully embrace my enough-ness, freeing myself of unsolicited opinions…
I canter at full speed into the arena of my passionate dreams…
I leap with complete faith, burying with fervor the crib of regret…
I acknowledge with great gaiety that I am a success and always have been…
I sever the twine issued by judges, critics and fearful fanatics…
I am free to BE me, gyrating with grace into the infinite expansion of self…
I pledge to live engorged at the table of life…
In my second half, I welcome the rhapsody Carpe Diem…
Yes, everyday is a fresh stretched canvas. A posed pirouette. A barren page. A ballad awaiting melody. Oh what delighted mirth awaits in My Second Half…
As discussion begins to formulate around going back to work, I find myself in deep reflection. What did I learn about myself during this time? How do I feel as I stare down the barrel of returning to the 9-5 game established in this society?
My family and friends would easily share with you that I have never been very good at staying within the lines of “societal expectations”. Since I was a child there is a different drum that beats in my heart, like a far off voice, it beckons me to follow my heart’s desire, or as Joseph Campbell’s famous quote wisely shares, “Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls.”
What a tightrope tap dance it has been for me. Like doing the “Hokey Pokey” I sometimes put my little foot in, however, more often I am yanking it out quickly, fearing it will get sucked into the quick sand of society. So many times along this journey I have quietly wished that I could be “content” with the cookie cutter society we’ve established, “just “Baaa…” along Fawn, follow the flock, be happy with what is, stop walking off the path,” I whisper to myself. The voice of “reason,” as some would call it, became even louder when I brought children into this world. In reflection, I wonder at moments, what if, I had chosen a path more in line with my values, like the movie “Captain Fantastic”. Of course part of my dream involved not doing it alone, I wished for that partner who also desired a sustainable life upon the land. Sooo.., I gave up on that dream, or better stated, I put it on the shelf where it has collected dust and cobwebs for years.
This unexpected time to truly just be with myself and my children has graced me with the opportunity to dust off the values and characters on the shelf; informing the spiders that they will no longer keep them company. In complete honesty, I started to dig into the protected chambers of my heart and soul when my son left for college three years ago, for his his sister was not far behind him. What did I desire for my second half of life? Where did I wish to live? Create, share, explore..? That time is now!
Pulling out my tightrope dancing shoes, gathering my dusted off values, passions and dreams I sit down to visit. Like grass erupting through concrete, the lusted for aspirations blossom anew. Pulling out pen and paper, my forever best friends, I make a list. What did I love about this “stay at home” time?
I loved not commuting to work.
I relished the quietness, listening to the layers of silence as they expanded.
I fell in love all over again with putting words to page, allowing my muse to dictate the flow.
I joyously celebrated the dream to “work & live” in the same place.
My body, mind and spirit relaxed into the beautiful simplicity, the washing away of chaos, stress and worry.
I celebrated the chance to only let in what inspired me, stirred my desires and ignited my passions.
Relishing the completely present time with my children, sharing meal creations, conversations, movies, games and walks.
Letting my body move without an alarm clock or tight schedule.
Sinking more deeply into the grace that nature offers in her infinite wisdom.
The gift to stay away from the chaos of the city, keeping my distance from the negative energy created by stress and angst.
The chance to play with new ideas, free of demands and interruption.
Allowing my quiet introverted soul to breathe deeply, embracing the peace that always is…
What did my list tell me? Certainly I can go back to “normal”, get back on the merry go round of commuting, punching in and out on the time clock, maintain a home, car, blah, blah, blah… Or I could begin to seriously listen to that far off voice. Encouraging the whispers of my heart and soul to rise in serenade, to crescendo into the new future.
I am curious, as we continue to navigate the COVID-19 phenomena,
What are you learning about yourself?
What is important?
What are your desires and dreams?
Do you want to go back to normal?
Were you happy?
Is this a new opportunity?
A chance to reflect, dust off forgotten wishes?
I shall conclude today with another powerful quote from Joseph Campbell –
“We’re so engaged in doing things to achieve purposes of outer value that we forget the inner value, the rapture that is associated with being alive, is what it is all about.”
I sat straight up in the small wooden chair. It reminded me an old childhood school chair. The room was empty, could I actually call it a room, for there were no walls and it went on forever. The space was just vast endless blue gray light. Only me and my chair. “Where was I? Why was I here? How do I escape?” I felt weighted down in the chair, my legs unresponsive to my minds tingling panic. I encouraged myself to calm down, to breathe, to trust and let go of fear.
Like a gigantic movie screen the space in front of me lit up with a life sized scene. It was me. Dressed in my favorite blue and red jeans with flowing light blue blouse speckled with daisies. My hair was blowing in every direction, encircling my young face and my feet as always were dirty with no shoes. The six year old me stepped closer, I was transfixed by her gaze and unable to look away.
She stopped in front of me, reaching out her small little hands to stroke my cheek. Our eyes stayed locked together, a mirror of soft sky blue. In her eyes I saw such deep love, compassion, and spirited joy. They begged me to relax, to let go, to trust and be present. I felt the emotions welling up in me, a tear slid down my face as I leaned into her tiny hand, so warm, soft and gentle. The fear slid out of my body, disappearing like mist in the infinite space.
“My dear Fawn, do you remember?” she asked. Her young voice broke the still silence. Her gentle caress continued to wipe the moist tears from my face. My eyes answered her question with confusion. “What was I to remember? Had I made a promise I forgot? Then it struck me, was I dead? Had I left my physical body and now was stuck in this random space with my young self.” Her vague question had jolted my mind into high drive, which started the generator of fear again.
“Shhhhh…, it’s okay”,she soothed, continuing to touch my forehead and gray hair. I took a deep breath and relaxed back into her presence. I tried to move my lips, but they seemed paralyzed as I processed this experience. “Do you remember the dreams we used to have, the adventures we were going to go on, the books we were going to write, the places we were going to see and photograph?” a giggle filled her body as she asked the questions. Before I could answer she placed her tiny finger on my lips to stop me, softly cooing, “Watch with me“. The space lit up with a panoramic scene, the young me running barefoot down my favorite path towards our small little house tucked in the woods.
I was singing as I bounced along the trail. I looked so healthy and vibrantly alive. Free and wild in my mind, heart and soul. I completely believed that anything was possible, I could go where ever I wanted, do what I dreamed and see all the places I could imagine. The world was the frontier, full of adventures, people and new experiences.
Everything froze, washing the image away. Then suddenly there I was again, this time in my late teens. I sat under my thinking tree, a magnificent red pine that stoically held me perched above the gurgling river below. A smile crossed my face as I remembered. Warm salty tears kissed the edges of my eyes, tears of gratitude, love, joy, sadness, loss, and regret. The weight of her small hand on my shoulder kept me present, despite the urge to slip into the quiet space of a time gone by.
“Go there” she pleaded . “Feel into what we were thinking, dreaming, feeling, wanting. Remember”, her words drifted off.
I felt myself remembering, my spirited body became filled with a blend of loss, desire and ignited hope. The sobs escaped through smiling lips and undecipherable laughter. The dreams of yesterday, of the little girl and young woman permeated my very essence. In my minds eye and hearts page, I saw the books I dreamed to write, I witnessed the exploration of new places, the connection with people around the globe, learning, sharing, bridging humanity with humanity and humanity with nature.
A gasp rose up and escaped my emotionally racked body. Like a bursting comet it hit me, “I still dreamed to connect humanity, to awaken people to their unique magnificence, to bring them home to their inner state of being, awakening them to their heart and souls desires.”
It all flushed through me, the remembered awareness that nature connected us, healed and reminded us of our true inner essence.
Bridge building, that’s what I felt called to share. The bridge between human and nature, the bridge between the inner self and outer being, the bridge between all humanity, exposing our similarities no matter our walk of life or place of existence.
I looked up into the innocent wise face of my younger self, she smiled, running her velvety hand down my cheek. She leaned in, kissed my forehead and disappeared. I sat frozen, uncertain what to feel or do. My being was digesting, absorbing the intense experience. In my ear I heard her softly whisper, “Thank you for remembering, take gentle care of you and I will see you again soon.”
I sat there mesmerized by my own vibrant memories. Rekindling the wild child, the wild woman in me. Closing my eyes, I took in a tender quiet breath. As I released the cleansing air from my lungs, I blinked my tired eyes to life, uncertain in the moment what was “real” or a “dream”. I laid there, feeling into the gift from my younger self.
To be continued…
Until then, what if –
You sat in an empty room with your younger self, viewing the cinema of your youth, what would you witness, learn, remember?
What would your younger self show you, tell you, share with you?
One of the ways we can empower ourselves is to set aside time each day to just BE. Shutting out the chaotic world, relaxing and opening up to the magnanimous creative energy that resides within. Taking the time to honor that we are more than our DOing in life.
I have joyfully begun to share my “channeled” meditations on Youtube – The Beingness Project – “Dawn with Fawn”. While I have enjoyed sharing these channeled guided meditations with clients and classes for years, I have been shy to share them further. Finally this week I took the brave leap, swallowing my fears to Surrender with trust.
I go into these meditations with no agenda, expectation, or guideline. I allow whatever flows into me to express itself, taking whoever is with me and myself on a journey. I do not know how long they will be, or what shall be shared. Thus, I completely Surrender into the meditative state.
There are many ways to enjoy meditation. Have fun exploring the various techniques and ways to meditate. I invite you to try meditating for a month to see what powerful things you start to feel and experience.
Surrender is a word charged with many different reactions. It means to give up, to let someone else win, to stop fighting for, and yet it also graces us with the sweetest release, to open to the flow which aligns with our very Being.
When you look at the Dictionary definition of Surrender it makes one feel weak to Choosesuch action.
cease resistance to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority. synonyms :capitulate, give in, give (oneself) up, yield, concede, submit, climb down, give way, defer, acquiesce, back down, cave in, relent, succumb, quit
The kind of Surrender I am referring to is best described as Spiritual Surrender – see article.
Sweet Surrender is the opportunity to stop swimming upstream against the flow of life. It is an invitation to enjoy the grace and flow of Being. To fall back into the arms of your own heart and soul. To let go of the judgments, limiting beliefs, self criticism and need to control life. There is so much missed along life’s magnanimous unfolding if we regulate everything.
Our creativity resides in the space of energetic flow, which becomes constricted and shut off when we are stressed or frustrated. Only in the freedom of Sweet Surrender can it rise, nudging you with inspiration. An artist, musician, athlete, dancer, writer, etc.., Surrender into the grace of flow, while simultaneously expressing through Inspired Action. It is a razors’ edge between that which is and that which is becoming through the paradox of Surrender.
Join me this week to explore Surrender, it will be a Spirit, Mind, and Body opening. Join us at The Beingness Project for more.
As we come to the close in our exploration of Transformation, I wish to share the magic bullet which truly awakens massive Transformation – Gratitude.
When we lean into the power of gratitude we open the flood gates to an infinite expansion into the sensational feelings of love, joy, abundance, peace, contentment…
Try this – it is a simple practice to get you started in the dance towards Gratitude.
When you feel yourself frustrated with someone or something, stop to notice.
Take in a nice slow breath, hold it, then exhale slowly.
As you exhale shift to Appreciation. What can you Appreciate in the now moment.
It does not have to be about the frustrating issue, it can be about something else when you start.
Continue to Appreciate, bringing it back to the subject at hand. Maybe you can Appreciate the person, the opportunity to learn, to practice letting go, to embrace your power of choice, to be open to hearing something different, etc…
As you Appreciate you will notice how quickly you shift out of Frustration and into a space of Gratitude.
There is always something you can find to be grateful for. You are still breathing. You have a physical body. There are people who care about you. Your pillow is soft and comfortable when you sleep. You are human and thus at choice. The list goes on and on and on.
I challenge you to put this philosophy to the test.
For the next 2-3 weeks wake everyday thinking about everything you are grateful for.
Then as you go to bed, do the same thing, it is one of the most delightful ways to drift off to sleep.
If you want to really ramp things up, write a list of at least 10 things you are grateful for everyday in a Gratitude Journal.
At the end of this time or during, let us know what you experience.
I have no doubt that amazing things shall begin to unfold and become for you. You will be in awe with how joy just seems to bubble up from within. You may find yourself inspired and surprised by the incredible serendipities that happen.
Can’t wait to hear about your Transformational journey with Gratitude!!
Transformation is always occurring, it reflects in the impermanence of our existence and all that we journey through. In your life of Choice, don’t you wish to empower your experience by Being an integral participant in your own transformation?
Join me this next week to explore and investigate the magnanimous power of Transformation!
In my last blog, I presented some of the opportunities life has gifted me with to explore Choice, to choose being a “victim” of my life story, or a “hero” lifted by gratitude.
Are you tired of hearing yourself tell the story about what “happened to you” AGAIN?
Are you ready to let go, surrender, forgive and thus open up space for more?
Do you prefer to repeat life patterns over and over and over again?
Do you enjoy being stuck in mediocrity and suffering?
Writing that last post was very difficult for me, I hear people say you have to share what you’ve come through, so people can relate. Yet, why? Why do I want to focus on that which was? Why would I not wish to live and celebrate in the here and now?
As I work with clients, and teach classes/workshops I am often shocked by how most people want to carry around their “sad story”. They choose to stay stuck between yesterday’s negative experience and today’s opportunity.
I wish for all people the pure Grace of Beingness! The Freedom, Peace, Joy, Expansive Gratitude and Playful Wonder of this space just makes me smile from within, creating a simple giggle.
I close today by asking you, “How do you want to journey life – stuck in your chosen suffering or dancing in the grace of Being?”It is Your Choice….
Today I challenge you, write down all the “stories” you have told over and over and over again while holding a negative emotion/energy.
Ask yourself if hanging onto this story serves you?
We shall explore more tomorrow.
If you Choose “Learning to Dance in the Grace of Beingness“, then continue to join me, for we shall explore more about Beingness and then next week dive into Transformation.
What an amazing week it has been to explore our Expectations. Now it is time to decide for yourself which Expectations serve you, creating more in your life and which ones burden you, limiting your growth and joy?
Life is a constant journey of becoming. If we notice, breathe into our personal awareness and then choose for OURSELVES we start to travel down the path that is uniquely our own.