When you read those words, what comes to mind? What do you feel? Do they stir any hidden desires? Are they words only for others? Do they pique your curiosity and passion?
Some of the words are rarely spoken any more, yet they are the fabric of our existence. Without the desire to explore, journey, quest, and…, life would become stagnate. It seems that often people see these words as action oriented, such as someone who goes on a quest to explore some unknown place. What I love about these words is that they can be experienced from anywhere, at anytime, if we choose.
I can sit quietly looking out my window with a curious mind and adventure with the squirrel who is busily dancing on the tree.
I can take a walk with my eyes and heart open to the journey, noticing with admiration the flowers I pass, the homes full of people with their own interesting stories, the busy insects on the sidewalk, the birds who easily move from branch to branch – how does it all interact, who are the people behind the closed door, what is the connection we all share???
I can read a book that encourages me to sojourn within, journey into my memories, hopes and dreams. Like a buried treasure I uncover aspects of the self and the world around me.
I can take a trip to a new place, where all moments are about exploration, wandering in the midst of newness, a pilgrim on an adventure to learn and experience.
I can write, paint, dance, create.., all doorways into an odyssey with my muse.
Sitting quietly with my journal, the inner quest to understand my deeper self guides me down untrodden paths.
I can meet someone new to whom I wish to learn more about, in our time together I get to pilgrimage through another’s life experience, hearing, seeing, open to different perspectives and possibilities.
Wanderlust, can be satiated through learning something new, like a language, recipe, new hiking trail, etc…. Or maybe you appeal its call through changing jobs, moving to a new home, reading a new genre book… Or if you are like me, you embrace your wanderlust through a variety of tactics depending on your present life situation.
Personally I love that my wanderlust, curious desire to explore and adventure has never died. I am grateful that my soul exposed me to the truth that one can follow these callings through a myriad of ways.
I write this at a time when I sit on the precipice of a new odyssey. I am prepping my wings for flight, where, when, how…, well that is still formulating. Since life is a glorious journey, not a destination, much of the fun is letting anticipation build, allowing mysterious expectancy to percolate, and then Ta-Da the call to take inspired action takes over. I’ll keep you posted, for much is brewing…..
My wish for you is that your childlike curiosity leads you on adventures, calls you to new quests and opens your heart, soul and mind to the joys of exploration….
Only when you listen, will you hear my beckoning desires.
Do not come to me with your need and want contrived by society.
Do not come to me wishing to penetrate in self disguise.
Do not come to me wishing to possess or play games.
I am like the air, I cannot be contained, held or captured…
However, I will gladly stay, I will blossom beyond your wildest dreams if you…
…touch me as though you are blind.
…taste me as though you have no thirst.
…listen as though you are deaf.
For as you unify with the mysterious wild woman, all falls away to expose the truth….
I am here….
Where are you…?
~ Fawn Caveney 7/21
Freedom stirs from within, it swirls and twirls, unleashing the ever present wild child…
I recently returned from a trip that expanded my present transformational journey, for when one sets upon a quest with an open heart, soul and mind, the swirling encounters awaken vast insights.
As a foreigner in a distant country I was titillated by the power of being anonymous, lost in a sea of chaos that I did not need to understand. I was free to be me. Wandering the streets, beaches, historical sites, and delectable restaurants I allowed myself to feel, taste, explore and be seen. Vulnerable yet unafraid, adrift with no expectation, attachment or preconceived desire, I was a wild woman dancing in curiosity and flowing openness.
To flow in the presence of the now moment, opens up vast portals for transformative awakening…
Upon arriving back on the shores of my homeland, I found myself surprised by what percolated forth from the experience. A reoccurring awareness, an old friend, a circling back to my youthful knowing. As a woman growing up one is silently taught to behave a certain way, only want specific things, and definitely do not express yourself as a “wild woman.”
In a patriarchal world I was taught to hide my sensuality, present my authenticity in respectable ways and squelch my wild untamed nature. I have never been good at this. More to the point, I do not wish to be good at it. Thankfully I grew up surrounded by nature, held and nurtured by the true wild and free. This planted in me a knowing, one that has thankfully nudged me in moments when I have forgotten the true power of my feminine energy.
To sit upon the earth connects the breath to that which is, freeing the soul to dance upon the wind…
During my adventure abroad I was approached by various men. My immediate reaction was caution with a twinge of skepticism. However, as my wise female traveling friend can tell you, I ooze with positivity and openness, so…. I allowed the court-ish play and absorbed the attention. Meandering down the streets of their outspoken desires, I knew I was at choice. As I present this I can feel the paradoxical reactions, they race in like flies to rotten meat. I danced along the tight rope of my own desire to be seen and wanted, while staying vigilant to the wise woman’s voice from within.
I reflect back with a smile, grateful to have met unique masculine souls along the way. They were juxtaposed into the trips original purpose, “Soul Sisters” coming together for a female vacation of play. Ahhhh, I love the intensity of life’s perfect timing and coquettish frolic. The dynamic women I was gifted to explore with came in diverse ages, backgrounds and life experiences. Intensifying this profound mixture of masculine/feminine energy was the most powerful source of all – nature.
To remember, all we need to do is submerge ourself below our own personal facade…
Feeling my body glide into the Mediterranean and silky reed filled lake, called forth that Wild Woman. Listening to the cacophony of cicadas, who’s mating song was held in the moist sultry air only heightened the awareness. Sublime ecstasy. Gentle breezes and delicious wind bursts, generated their own wistfulness. I found myself completely swept off my feet. Innocently graced to live each moment in complete presence, no yesterday, no tomorrow, just the vibrancy of now.
As I massaged the intricate aspects together I marveled at the voluptuous experience. Once again I was reminded of the profound Wild Woman Soul. I wish for every woman to tap into this instinctual infinite source; to invite, welcome and rebirth into her true feminine power.
What does this mean? It means you get to live vibrantly alive, sharing and expressing your authentic self. It means you get to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ without apology. It means you get to unabashedly express your desires and passions. It means you get to blossom and reveal as you feel called, free of all expectation, attachment, judgment and labels. It means you dance wild and free….
No building, no bars, no walls can contain the wild spirit of the feminine….or the masculine…
Over and over again in my life I have found myself saddened by the loss of the Wild Woman. I see it and feel it in the eyes of the women I meet, yet, they hold it back, they force it to stay confined in the cages built by a society intimidated by its powerful force.
Within every woman there lives a powerful force, filled with good instincts, passionate creativity, & ageless knowing. She is the Wild Woman, who represents the instinctual nature of women. But she is an endangered species.
— Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Author of Women Who Run With the Wolves
My second night back in the states, I was jolted awake by my muse, who shared very clearly what is to come next for me. I chuckle, for again, I pick up the torch, called by my soul to invite women to join me in Awakening their Wild Woman. In the past I have had the privilege and honor to work with women in various circles, helping them to remember how magnanomous they truly are. My recent life choices and exploratory adventures bring me back home to my calling and purpose – I am here to hold up a mirror, so you may see the Wild Woman that awaits your permission to fly free.
Her eyes sparkle with joyful trust, her feet skip with abandoned freedom, her voice rises with no apology and her hands reach for the dust that sparkles in glittered suspension. She is free, wild and in ecstatic expression of the bliss which always is…
The inner self does not age, it flows pure in all moments, dancing in twinkling curiosity infinitely…
Her face was lined from years of living. Her eyes twinkled, bursting with memories etched like fireworks on a dark night. Her smile beckoned one to sit and listen. Her legs no longer danced, they lay bent and disfigured on the bed, raw open bed sores seeping at her hips. Her vibrant spirit encircled you the moment you stepped into her space, there was no victim in this room, no woe is me, instead one was greeted with dynamic passion, simple happiness, and a peacefulness that gently kissed you on the cheek.
Who are the “her’s” I speak of? The first is me, dancing in my childhood living room, chasing the sun dust I stirred up with my exuberant joy. The second “her” is a divine woman I was blessed to care for in a nursing home years ago. Her aliveness, grace, peace, and love still dance in my memory. She and others I cared for knew a truth, as did the child in me.
What did they know? They knew that happiness, love, peace and contentment always exist. They knew tranquility and exuberance did not exist in things outside themselves. They knew that it was accessible in all moments. They knew that no one could give it to them, yet they lovingly shared it. They knew it was a choice.
Clasping that which is, in desperation, chokes the potential of what can be, before it takes its first breath…
The years and space between innocent curious childhood and the wisdom of one’s latter years is full of “shoulds,” “comparisons,” “judgments,” and the measuring of oneself against a society often textured with fear and distrust. I do not have to sit very long in a cafe before I can hear someone criticizing themselves, or attacking someone else. The stories swirl around like the sound of an espresso machine, surging like the white foam with blame, shame, hurt, victimhood and discontent. It breeds like flies on a patio table, snatching up every scrappy morsel to inject the psyche with why life is so miserable.
Why do humans choose this? A question I have pondered since I was five years old. Why do we let go of our passionate desires to instead fly someone else’s kite? Why do we slam the door on the pure potential of joy? Why do we kick happiness to the curb, to welcome and invite stressful frustration? Why do we say “have to” instead of “get to”? Why do we choose to go through our days and moments on auto-pilot, waiting for someone or something else to make us better? Do we prefer to wait, to lie on our deathbed watching the autobiographical movie of regret? Why do we look in the mirror with such self contempt and hatred, for as young children we loved our reflection? I ask all of this with curiosity and a desire to understand.
A body twitches with delightful anticipation when a matchstick of wonder is lit beneath…
In my sophomore year of college I was blessed to work at an international daycare. Here I witnessed children from all over the world. They danced, played, laughed, cried, and enacted make believe stories together. Dynamically they engaged with each moment in present enthusiasm, viewing the world as a frontier to be explored. I sensed that the older children were on the fringe of losing this curious wonderment. In their play I observed them mimicking adults, their eyes became serious, their jaw set tightly, their voices lowered into somberness, like smoke their joy, spontaneity, compassion and kindness disappeared into the passing wind gust, leaving behind a robotic body controlled by the “taught” mind.
Three years after working in a daycare, I found myself working in a nursing home. Here I discovered the grace and vengeance of aging. I was gifted to share time with souls who lived a full passionate life and others who were embittered with regret. The extreme chasm between the two slapped me stingingly as I would leave one room to enter the other. My heart and soul ached for those fighting their own shadow, their anger and inability to forgive expressed through pinches, punches, and verbal abuse as I tried to assist them to the toilet, shower or dining hall. Off the clock, I cherished the moments I got to sit and listen to the stories from those celebrating life. Stories of falling in love, having children, riding in a car for the first time, rising above struggle, appreciating the gentle flow of seasons, years, experiences, and the pure grace of a life lived fully.
In my forties I found myself teaching language arts to junior high students. Here I witnessed the cross over in technicolor poignancy. A few young people desperately clung to their innocent pure belief that anything is possible, that one could reach for their dreams with unbridled passion. The majority of the students had given up, they did not dream, instead they chased visions of their future painted on the wall by parents and society. They swallowed hard the doses of expectations fed to them with the famous mantras, “when I have lots of money I will be happy, when I get my degree I will be happy, when I buy a house I will be happy, when I marry I will be happy, WHEN I… I will then be HAPPY.
Ironically the joke is on us, for much of life is lived between the wild child and the wise elder. Thus I am forever grateful for the life altering gift of witnessing snapshots of age through my diverse professional life. They have graced me with an awareness and microscopic view that life is really just a brief sojourn. A brief interlude to experience as I choose.
Today I watch the sun dust with the pure delight of my four year old wonderment, I dance with unlimited joy, for I am not young, nor old, I am in between, kissing each spec of time with gratitude.
Today I invite you to join me, breathe deeply into the child you once were before life manipulated you.
Today I encourage you to take back the string to your own kite, feel it dance freely upon the winds of raw, wild adventurous, exploration.
When did you forget that life is an invitation..???
Invitations to play:
Dance to your favorite music.
Sing with unbridled enthusiasm.
Daydream upon the page, letting the ink describe what your heart can imagine.
Play the “what if” game – on a piece of paper and/or in your mind play out the potential of following a dream…
Meditate quietly, letting the images and thoughts arise from within.
Close your eyes to feel into and remember the child within, what did you love, enjoy, imagine…
Invite your inner child to play, then get ready for some fun, as you embrace the wonder and curiosity.
I’m curious, do you prefer to hang around the serious, somber, practical person or find great joy in spending time around someone who is passionate, vibrant, dynamic and happily living life?
If you are following the magazine that speaks click here – “Just BE YOU”
As my regular readers know, I recently embarked on my next new adventure – living in the middle of the city in a tiny space (approximately 250 square feet). I have now been here two complete weeks and I can honestly say “I love it!”.
My new little space is the one with the light on at the tippy top….
This last week I biked to work every day, taking five to ten minutes from door to door. My lonely car looks at me from the parking space, wondering why it has been abandoned. Daily I explore my current stomping grounds, admiring the changes that occur over the course of a day. The wee hours of early morning present such quiet freshness, street lights illuminate the diverse houses of this old part of town. Fallen leaves and mature acorns crunch on the sidewalk beneath my feet as I weave through the neighborhood. Evenings find me roaming farther afield, stretching the sunset for as long as I can. I admire the play of light on church steeples, carefully planted flowers and towering trees covered with their autumn attire.
Yesterday I treated myself to a morning latte, ordered from an adorable little cafe (Hyde Perk Coffee House) tucked into the Hyde Park zone . Walking up to the COVID created outdoor window I placed my order. While I waited, I enjoyed the tranquil street offering haloed quaint shops and restaurants.
Nature plays between the houses, streets and sidewalk interruptions…
As I sink more deeply into this simplified life I find myself celebrating the freedom to focus on my passions. Imbuing them with new vigor and delight. In decluttering and reducing the demands in my life, there is no denying or avoiding, the truth of my desires fill the space, beckoning me with intensified zeal.
It is strange after twenty two plus years to focus on just me. Being a mom has been the most precious and important role in my life thus far. Throughout the journey I always strived to maintain the woman within, juggling to balance the needs of my children and self. Now that they are off exploring their worlds, I find myself looking to the horizon with fresh eyes. Inviting the odyssey! Welcoming exploration! Bounding with faith into passions that stir my soul.
Church steeples, colorful houses, moonlight blanketing – an invitational tapestry…
Keeping it simple has rekindled my enthusiasm. I feel like a fresh twenty year old, saying loudly, “bring it on!” I engage vibrantly with curiosity at what will happen next, for when we give wings to our passions, they lift us into exhilarating adventures. This is way better than being twenty at the beginning, for now I carry with me the wisdom of many life experiences.
I chuckle at all that has happened just since June, especially during such crazy times on our planet. I have been blessed to work and live on a farm in San Juan Island, Washington, I then came back to be called to the next change – living tiny in the center of the city. I am very excited to see what I attract next into my life experience. Watch out world, this girl is enthusiastically soaring into her “second life” with joyous gusto!
Pond life in Boise
Farm bound
Farm adventure begins
Unfolding daily
Gifts abound
Tiny pleasures
Serenity in nature
The sun rises on the next adventure
A New View…
Life is always unfolding, offering us new adventures, inviting us to play with abundant curiosity and enthusiastic trust….
My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.
Maya Angelou
Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you.
Oprah Winfrey
There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.
Nelson Mandela
This above all; to thine own self be true.
William Shakespeare
Provoking Questions for this week –
How do you fuel your passions?
What would you do more of, if you did not have such a long “to do” list?
If you had all the money you wanted, how would you spend your time?
If you were living your passionate life, what, where, how would you be living?
Do you live in the present day, or stuck in yesterday and or dreaming about tomorrow?
What excuses do you tell yourself over and over for not living your full life?
Thank you for journeying with me – isn’t life a grand adventure!!
If you are following the great adventure of Rita, Francine and Ken’s life click on the image below to learn more about the miraculous magazine 🙂 –
Can you remember a time when you were happy? When you really liked who you are?
When did you give others the permission to tell you that you were not enough?
As a person who has always been intrigued by learning, experiencing and exploring interpersonal aspects, I have spent the last thirty-five years investigating myself, others and the world around me. My bookshelves burst with self-help books. I engaged in workshops, classes, certificate programs, attained degrees, tried different jobs and…, all in quest for happiness and self-love.
About five years ago I finally woke up. Looking around me at all I had done, watching people on the streets, listening to colleagues, friends and family, I began to fully understand and more importantly KNOW from within that each and everyone of us is already perfect in our own unique way. No one needs fixing. Everyone is worthy. Everyone is enough. Everyone is on a journey doing and being the best they can in all moments.
When did we give our freedom of choice to others, allowing the dictation of society and culture to fence us in and suffocate our expression?
As I breathed deeply into this new found sensation, I felt myself joyously relax. A new depth of peace filled my soul. Joy gurgled from my very core, oozing out through my pores. Curiosity, wonder, love, passion, desire and pure delight sparkled in my conscious and unconscious being.
The ultimate Ah-Ha rippled through my very essence – awakening within me the truth of truths – All we have to do is JUST BE.
Each of us is a glorious sparkling star in the galaxy of humanity. Beautiful as a solo light, however, even more spectacular in the magnanomous milky way of diversity and concordance.
To look out with wonder is to give ourselves permission to dream, to explore, to play and believe…
For years now all I have wished and dreamed for is that all people come home to the quiet loving space which resides within. Discovering their quintessence truth – they are enough, they are worthy, they are perfect.
In a world where judgment happens first and kindness swings in last, we begin at a very young age to see ourselves as inadequate, not enough. Why do we do this to others and accept such beliefs for ourselves?
As I more deeply embodied the discovered truth, my world opened up in profound ways. Feeling completely “high” on life! I found myself wishing for everyone such pure grace. I cannot even encapsulate in words the full expansiveness of this sensation. It overflows, bubbles forth and lifts one to a pure space of bliss.
It is the reason I created my other blog/business space – The Beingness Project, for I dream of a world where we love who we are and celebrate the differences and similarities of others. It would be a very boring place to live if we were all alike, yuck! Diversity offers us opportunities to learn, grow, explore and discover. Differences stir curiosity and wonder. Just as we would find the world extremely mundane without diverse terrain, a population of clones would drive us nuts!
What might we discover if we believed in ourselves?
Lately I have been exploring the immense fun of storytelling, for we allow fiction to stir up hope, belief and new perspectives. “Just BE YOU” is a novel that journey’s with diverse characters as they come home to their inner truth. Waking up their passions, dreams, desires, joys and curiosities. Opening their hearts and souls to feel and know that they are enough, they are worthy and the world is a playpen to frolic in.
I do not pretend to be clear of human judgment, reaction, or moments of falling down in my self worth. I definitely still have my days where I am bitten by the world around me, its discontent, chaos, separation and extreme hypocrisy pry into my psyche throwing me into judgment, comparison and dissatisfaction. However, I am delighted that I can swing the pendulum back quicker and quicker as I practice breathing in deeply the truth of Just BEing. The world is a magnificent amusement park, full of adventures and discoveries. Can you imagine how grand it will be when everyone awakens to their ENOUGHNESS – gifting themselves to Just BE…
As I allow you to see me – I gift you with seeing yourself, for our innermost desires are rich in similarities…
If you would like to begin the journey back home to your resplendent self check out some of my early vlogs and worksheets to jump start the adventure –
My 9 to 5 job that presently keeps me fed and cared for is an intense social job. Between colleagues and clients there is no true introvert quiet. While I may not be perceived as an introvert, I truly am, through and through. I fill up my cup and come back to life when I get to be by myself. The only company I seek or wish to nurture is my muse. He is always welcome, for he awakens and fulfills my innermost desires.
This mornings RAW musings. To read in full click here….
Yesterday after a full week of juggling my day job with my love and passion to come to the page, I was tapped. My muse and soul pleaded for quiet. They literally screamed for pure divine solitude. So, I listened, nurturing the muse, soothing the soul and gifting the body and mind with freedom to rest while wondering into philosophical caverns.
Filling up my muse’s cup, I explored and wandered with other writers, who like me ached for solitude…
Today I arise. My muse is such grand company. Stirring within me such pleasure, passion, joy and excitement for life’s grand adventure. Oh how I love to play with my muse, he puts the sparkle into life, inspires me to yield, let go and unabashedly play.
Thanks to my muse I do not give up. I step forth with pure trust that he shall guide me home to the writer’s life, to freedom, to a time when he and I get to play all day if we so choose. No time clocks, no outside work, just he and I co-creating with wild abandon.
I feel strongly that we all have a muse, a calling, a beckoning to come home. Delightfully, our muse’s are unique, diversified as we are. When we nurture our muse, hear them, let them take over and fill us up, the sensation is like no other. Infinite joy, wild passion, soft exploration, sweet discovery… There truly are no words to describe such union.
Freedom lies within our surrender, it awaits release, invitation, presence…
I have also discovered that my muse is not just one dimensional. I feel him weave with me whenever I allow myself to be completely present and enraptured with life. Fully allowing myself to feel, taste, touch, hear and smell the limitless sensations of life’s emotional treasure box.
Once one has drank the rich syrup from the cup offered by their muse, there is no turning back, the taste lingers, it haunts you, whispering an invitation to come home. Oh, once you dance unabashedly with your muse, their is no other partner who can enrapture you so… His bite has infested you, there is no cure. Nor, will you wish for a cure.
When we live each day married to our muse we are like a beacon in the dark, seen by others as we learn to see. I cannot imagine life without my muse. To shackle him is to stop my breath. To imprison him, is to clench my heart into stillness.
Why have we been taught to tame our muse, gag him, place him in bondage behind the walls of societal etiquette and expectation? Set him free, release the bonds, remove the gag ~ for only then are you free….
Do not fear my dear muse, I shall always nurture you. In me, you are home. In you, I am alive and home. As we dance together the world awakens with wonder. I hope that more dancers shall join us, filling the galaxy with impassioned, vibrant beings who are enraptured with life’s grand adventure.
I am curious, how do you and your muse express?
Share with the world?
Do you nurture and invite the well being of your muse?
Or turn them away, fearful of their intensity and passion?
Click on the image below to enjoy how my muse and I play with a fictional journey into “What if” ~ Travel with the characters as they reunite with their muse, awakening a passionate life…
In the United States one of the first questions people ask another when they meet is “What do you do?” or “Where do you work?”. From the response we begin a litany of judgments within our head, cornering this person into what we perceive someone will be like if they are a teacher, accountant, pilot, engineer, server, nanny, CEO, director, singer, etc… Did you notice your reaction to each title? It is entertaining to observe how programed we are.
When I am working with clients I like to ask, “Do you have anything fun planned for the rest of your day?” or “What do you like to do?” It is fun to watch them react to such an unexpected question. I personally don’t want to know what you DO. I want to know what fills you with JOY. What puts a smile on your face, a dance in your step and fills your life with sweet memories.
To dance, is to embody the joy that internally vibrates from within…
As I continue to write “The BEingness Project” (today’s excerpt) novel, I’m having a delightful time allowing the characters to share their truth about what brings them happiness, fills them with excitement, passion, desire… I do not pretend to know or predict, I truly let them present to me as the words flow onto the page. What a joyous play date – a double dose of joy – I get to write, my innermost love and I get to learn about a new person.
As a child we naturally gravitate to what delights and entertains our innermost desires and wants. Then “growing up” and “adult training” ensue, deflating our essential intrinsic path to joy. I have always wondered why we bought into such a contrived way of living.
I invite you to join us as we explore and learn with our characters how to find our way back to the inner joy that has been waiting patiently for our remembering. Each person is a unique experience and unfolding… Below is the novel from this weeks journey. Click the image below to read how Rita is re-discovering what brings her JOY… Will her secret get discovered?
What brings you JOY? What do are you passionate about? What gets you out of bed in excitement and anticipation?
Settle down, stay put, be consistent, remain in the same job, climb the ladder of achievement, acquire property and things… Ugh!! I have sincerely tried, truly I have. Yet, to do so seems to kill a part of me, to shut off my passion, play and joyful exploration of life’s copiousness.
Listening to my inner drum, I am beckoned to explore, to experience, to be in life…
I recently sat down with myself to sincerely look at my life journey. Putting pen to page, I listed the different jobs I have engaged in since I branched out from babysitting at 16 years old – 38 jobs, yep, 38 different places with their own unique culture. I then reflected on my 28 year Bachelors degree expedition, hmmm… 4 universities, 3 states and over 245 credits in diverse fields of study – English, Business, Communications, Art, Linguistics, Teaching, Travel Tourismm, Health, Exercise Phys…. Then last but not least, I pondered my relationship quest, there too I have been blessed with great diversity.
I have always wondered, who “sets” the norms, why don’t we question and when did I say “yes” – I know I did not…
Embarrassment and shame have clung to me like a shadow that shows up in the dark. Haunting my heart and soul with criticism for my inability to settle down, stay in the same job and pursue life with focused intention to acquire and succeed by the societal and cultural norms and expectations I have been raised in.
Would life be what it is without those who did not accept the status quo? To question, to wonder, to explore, to step outside the bounds of society is to pioneer what can be…
Try as I might over the course of my life, I seem unable to do this. I am driven to learn, to experience, to delight in exploring life through the lens of a new place, people, environment and way of living. Every job has had its own lingo, flow and community. Each field of study expands the horizons of interconnected knowledge. Diverse relationships – intimate, friendship, colleague, employer/employee enhance my understanding of the world at large, for every individual has their own story.
The recent sojourn to work on a polycultural farm on San Juan Island powerfully helped me to discover and decipher more clearly what I do and don’t want in my life. As I find myself back in Boise, Idaho, I chuckle at how I hesitate to share this change. Feeling again that old sensation of shame, guilt and failure. In the quietness, I am given the opportunity to really see and feel into why I experience such self-judgment. From a very young age I felt bad for being someone who enjoyed change, who liked to try new things, explore different places and ways of living, finding it exciting and challenging to adapt and gain a new perspective. How can we truly know anything unless we try and change the place from which we view and experience?
There is no age limit to curiosity, joy, love, passion…
I’m a dreamer. A passionate pioneer who thrives in climbing the next hill to take in the new view. Inquisitive, curious, playful and open to what I can learn, experience, see, feel, touch and hear. I grow to accept this truth, giving myself passionate permission to “go for it”, celebrating my soulful wanderlust! Like a wild animal, I do not thrive in the pens of societal and cultural expectations. I fervidly love being a pilgrim in life’s grand adventure!
It has been a long time coming and is way overdue – I Accept and give Permission to my wild soul to dance and engage in life as I am called. I Celebrate the exquisite opportunity to be curious, play, explore and seize the moments I’m graced to breathe… I find myself very excited to see what comes next with no shameful apology! Carpe Diem!!
Accepting our true nature is to set ourselves free upon the wind and rainbows of life’s blank canvas and unwritten pages…
I conclude with some of my favorite quotes by Thoreau, for they have inspired and comforted me in those moments of judgment –
“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.”
“I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.”
“How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live.”
“If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.”
“All good things are wild and free.”
“Our life is frittered away by detail. Simplify, simplify.”
At the young age of fifty-five, I find myself joyously standing in the center of that which has been and that which is preparing to blossom. An eloquent juxtaposition that feels like a merry-go-round spinning with exquisite suspended scenes.
In addition to my age gracing me with the realization that a lot of life has been lived, my children now soar off into their own adventures, pushing me out of the nest. As the truth becomes absorbed cellularly I find a gleefulness that encapsulates the carefree wild child I was and the passionate wise woman I am. Uniting and marrying the two for prophetic adventuring. A smile spreads, curiosity ignites, rhapsodic imagination takes flight.
The flow of time enchants the moments, engorging them to be expelled in the afterglow…
In My Second Half…
I know I am worthy and divinely perfect as I am…
I unabashedly live, love, and explore…
I witness the beauty in the mirror, celebrating the gifts of time…
I gleefully embrace my enough-ness, freeing myself of unsolicited opinions…
I canter at full speed into the arena of my passionate dreams…
I leap with complete faith, burying with fervor the crib of regret…
I acknowledge with great gaiety that I am a success and always have been…
I sever the twine issued by judges, critics and fearful fanatics…
I am free to BE me, gyrating with grace into the infinite expansion of self…
I pledge to live engorged at the table of life…
In my second half, I welcome the rhapsody Carpe Diem…
Fawn Caveney
Yes, everyday is a fresh stretched canvas. A posed pirouette. A barren page. A ballad awaiting melody. Oh what delighted mirth awaits in My Second Half…
As discussion begins to formulate around going back to work, I find myself in deep reflection. What did I learn about myself during this time? How do I feel as I stare down the barrel of returning to the 9-5 game established in this society?
“Opportunities to find deeper powers within ourselves come when life seems most challenging.” ~Joseph Campbell
My family and friends would easily share with you that I have never been very good at staying within the lines of “societal expectations”. Since I was a child there is a different drum that beats in my heart, like a far off voice, it beckons me to follow my heart’s desire, or as Joseph Campbell’s famous quote wisely shares, “Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls.”
What a tightrope tap dance it has been for me. Like doing the “Hokey Pokey” I sometimes put my little foot in, however, more often I am yanking it out quickly, fearing it will get sucked into the quick sand of society. So many times along this journey I have quietly wished that I could be “content” with the cookie cutter society we’ve established, “just “Baaa…” along Fawn, follow the flock, be happy with what is, stop walking off the path,” I whisper to myself. The voice of “reason,” as some would call it, became even louder when I brought children into this world. In reflection, I wonder at moments, what if, I had chosen a path more in line with my values, like the movie “Captain Fantastic”. Of course part of my dream involved not doing it alone, I wished for that partner who also desired a sustainable life upon the land. Sooo.., I gave up on that dream, or better stated, I put it on the shelf where it has collected dust and cobwebs for years.
This unexpected time to truly just be with myself and my children has graced me with the opportunity to dust off the values and characters on the shelf; informing the spiders that they will no longer keep them company. In complete honesty, I started to dig into the protected chambers of my heart and soul when my son left for college three years ago, for his his sister was not far behind him. What did I desire for my second half of life? Where did I wish to live? Create, share, explore..? That time is now!
Pulling out my tightrope dancing shoes, gathering my dusted off values, passions and dreams I sit down to visit. Like grass erupting through concrete, the lusted for aspirations blossom anew. Pulling out pen and paper, my forever best friends, I make a list. What did I love about this “stay at home” time?
I loved not commuting to work.
I relished the quietness, listening to the layers of silence as they expanded.
I fell in love all over again with putting words to page, allowing my muse to dictate the flow.
I joyously celebrated the dream to “work & live” in the same place.
My body, mind and spirit relaxed into the beautiful simplicity, the washing away of chaos, stress and worry.
I celebrated the chance to only let in what inspired me, stirred my desires and ignited my passions.
Relishing the completely present time with my children, sharing meal creations, conversations, movies, games and walks.
Letting my body move without an alarm clock or tight schedule.
Sinking more deeply into the grace that nature offers in her infinite wisdom.
The gift to stay away from the chaos of the city, keeping my distance from the negative energy created by stress and angst.
The chance to play with new ideas, free of demands and interruption.
Allowing my quiet introverted soul to breathe deeply, embracing the peace that always is…
“Your sacred space is where you can find yourself again and again.” ~Joseph Campbell
What did my list tell me? Certainly I can go back to “normal”, get back on the merry go round of commuting, punching in and out on the time clock, maintain a home, car, blah, blah, blah… Or I could begin to seriously listen to that far off voice. Encouraging the whispers of my heart and soul to rise in serenade, to crescendo into the new future.
I am curious, as we continue to navigate the COVID-19 phenomena,
What are you learning about yourself?
What is important?
What are your desires and dreams?
Do you want to go back to normal?
Were you happy?
Is this a new opportunity?
A chance to reflect, dust off forgotten wishes?
“Life is without meaning. You bring the meaning to it. The meaning of life is whatever you ascribe it to be. Being alive is the meaning.” ~Joseph Campbell
I shall conclude today with another powerful quote from Joseph Campbell –
“We’re so engaged in doing things to achieve purposes of outer value that we forget the inner value, the rapture that is associated with being alive, is what it is all about.”
Simply Fawn 