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Chasm Between Childhood & Elder…

Her eyes sparkle with joyful trust, her feet skip with abandoned freedom, her voice rises with no apology and her hands reach for the dust that sparkles in glittered suspension. She is free, wild and in ecstatic expression of the bliss which always is…

Her face was lined from years of living. Her eyes twinkled, bursting with memories etched like fireworks on a dark night. Her smile beckoned one to sit and listen. Her legs no longer danced, they lay bent and disfigured on the bed, raw open bed sores seeping at her hips. Her vibrant spirit encircled you the moment you stepped into her space, there was no victim in this room, no woe is me, instead one was greeted with dynamic passion, simple happiness, and a peacefulness that gently kissed you on the cheek. 

Who are the “her’s” I speak of? The first is me, dancing in my childhood living room, chasing the sun dust I stirred up with my exuberant joy. The second “her” is a divine woman I was blessed to care for in a nursing home years ago. Her aliveness, grace, peace, and love still dance in my memory. She and others I cared for knew a truth, as did the child in me. 

What did they know? They knew that happiness, love, peace and contentment always exist. They knew tranquility and exuberance did not exist in things outside themselves. They knew that it was accessible in all moments. They knew that no one could give it to them, yet they lovingly shared it. They knew it was a choice.

The years and space between innocent curious childhood and the wisdom of one’s latter years is full of “shoulds,” “comparisons,” “judgments,” and the measuring of oneself against a society often textured with fear and distrust. I do not have to sit very long in a cafe before I can hear someone criticizing themselves, or attacking someone else. The stories swirl around like the sound of an espresso machine, surging like the white foam with blame, shame, hurt, victimhood and discontent. It breeds like flies on a patio table, snatching up every scrappy morsel to inject the psyche with why life is so miserable. 

Why do humans choose this? A question I have pondered since I was five years old. Why do we let go of our passionate desires to instead fly someone else’s kite? Why do we slam the door on the pure potential of joy? Why do we kick happiness to the curb, to welcome and invite stressful frustration? Why do we say “have to” instead of “get to”? Why do we choose to go through our days and moments on auto-pilot, waiting for someone or something else to make us better? Do we prefer to wait, to lie on our deathbed watching the autobiographical movie of regret? Why do we look in the mirror with such self contempt and hatred, for as young children we loved our reflection? I ask all of this with curiosity and a desire to understand.

A body twitches with delightful anticipation when a matchstick of wonder is lit beneath…

In my sophomore year of college I was blessed to work at an international daycare. Here I witnessed children from all over the world. They danced, played, laughed, cried, and enacted make believe stories together. Dynamically they engaged with each moment in present enthusiasm, viewing the world as a frontier to be explored. I sensed that the older children were on the fringe of losing this curious wonderment. In their play I observed them mimicking adults, their eyes became serious, their jaw set tightly, their voices lowered into somberness, like smoke their joy, spontaneity, compassion and kindness disappeared into the passing wind gust, leaving behind a robotic body controlled by the “taught” mind. 

Three years after working in a daycare, I found myself working in a nursing home. Here I discovered the grace and vengeance of aging. I was gifted to share time with souls who lived a full passionate life and others who were embittered with regret. The extreme chasm between the two slapped me stingingly as I would leave one room to enter the other. My heart and soul ached for those fighting their own shadow, their anger and inability to forgive expressed through pinches, punches, and verbal abuse as I tried to assist them to the toilet, shower or dining hall. Off the clock, I cherished the moments I got to sit and listen to the stories from those celebrating life. Stories of falling in love, having children, riding in a car for the first time, rising above struggle, appreciating the gentle flow of seasons, years, experiences, and the pure grace of a life lived fully. 

In my forties I found myself teaching language arts to junior high students. Here I witnessed the cross over in technicolor poignancy. A few young people desperately clung to their innocent pure belief that anything is possible, that one could reach for their dreams with unbridled passion. The majority of the students had given up, they did not dream, instead they chased visions of their future painted on the wall by parents and society. They swallowed hard the doses of expectations fed to them with the famous mantras, “when I have lots of money I will be happy, when I get my degree I will be happy, when I buy a house I will be happy, when I marry I will be happy, WHEN I… I will then be HAPPY. 

Ironically the joke is on us, for much of life is lived between the wild child and the wise elder. Thus I am forever grateful for the life altering gift of witnessing snapshots of age through my diverse professional life. They have  graced me with an awareness and microscopic view that life is really just a brief sojourn. A brief interlude to experience as I choose. 

Today I watch the sun dust with the pure delight of my four year old wonderment, I dance with unlimited joy, for I am not young, nor old, I am in between, kissing each spec of time with gratitude. 

Today I invite you to join me, breathe deeply into the child you once were before life manipulated you. 

Today I encourage you to take back the string to your own kite, feel it dance freely upon the winds of raw, wild adventurous, exploration. 

Invitations to play:

  • Dance to your favorite music.
  • Sing with unbridled enthusiasm.
  • Daydream upon the page, letting the ink describe what your heart can imagine.
  • Play the “what if” game – on a piece of paper and/or in your mind play out the potential of following a dream…
  • Meditate quietly, letting the images and thoughts arise from within.
  • Color, paint, create, letting yourself express freely.
  • Close your eyes to feel into and remember the child within, what did you love, enjoy, imagine…
  • Invite your inner child to play, then get ready for some fun, as you embrace the wonder and curiosity.

I’m curious, do you prefer to hang around the serious, somber, practical person or find great joy in spending time around someone who is passionate, vibrant, dynamic and happily living life?

Your soul’s invitation…

Which one are you?

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Daydreamers Create Tomorrow…

“Your Soul’s Invitation” is a fictional journey where people around the world awaken to the Daydreamer that lives inside. They are reminded by a chance encounter with a magazine – Click Here to continue on the adventure or begin the quest.

To dream is to believe that we are not limited by our present day reality…

I am curious, when was the last time you allowed yourself to DREAM? To feel, yes, I mean literally FEEL into what brings you joy?

Do you recall a time in your life when you heard someone say, “Get real!” or “Stop dreaming,” or “Would you get serious, that’s not possible,” or???

As a child did you like to daydream? To let your mind and heart wander? To imagine what you might experience, see, do?? Do you still allow yourself this playful exploration? Or did you allow the naysayers, the reality preachers and the nonbelievers to shut you down?

I cannot imagine our world without the Daydreamers, for they are the ones who created and continue to create our tomorrows. They envision what can be and move towards it without question. This takes great courage, faith and perseverance in a world of judges and critics who live from a place of stuck realism.

Let’s really explore this, where would we be today if these Dreamers did not or had not existed –

  • Thomas Edison
  • Wright Brothers
  • Marie Sklodowska Curie
  • Rosa Parks
  • Martin Luther King
  • Alexander Graham Bell
  • Henry Ford
  • Ada Lovelace (check this one out…)
  • Emmeline Pankhurst
  • Leonardo da Vinci
  • Nikola Tesla
  • Steve Jobs
  • Gandhi
  • Abraham Lincoln
  • Albert Einstein
  • Socrates, Plato
  • Nelson Mandela
  • ETC…..

Thankfully this list goes on and on.., for to dream and believe is to live a vibrant, dynamic, passionate life, engaged in what is, while holding tight to the kite of tomorrow’s potential.

It is interesting to imagine our world without those who bring their dreams to life. Those strong enough to “walk their talk” without question or doubt. Along the way they often fall down or fail as we like to label it, yet, they get up and persevere.

Thomas Edison, one of many great inventors, role modeled incredible perseverance and complete belief…

I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.

Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

If we did all the things we are capable of, we would literally astound ourselves.

Thomas Edison

Often in my daily world I am surrounded by the realist, the one who sees what is, gets stuck there and is not able to imagine what might be. I have learned to not bring them into my intimate friend circle, for they are the first to criticize my dreams, to roll their eyes or shake their heads at my “fantasy world” or “crazy pipe dreams.” These same people enjoy turning on a light switch, utilizing a car to get places, flying in a plane to visit a new corner of the world, use a computer/phone to communicate with friends and family around the world, hmmmm…, I wonder where they think these things came from?

We love the line from Martin Luther King Jr., “I have a dream…” He envisioned a world of equality, as did Nelson Mandela, Gandhi and…

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

There is nothing more tragic than to find an individual bogged down in the length of life, devoid of breadth.

Let no man pull you so low as to hate him.

Martin Luther King Jr.

Live life as though nobody is watching, and express yourself as though everyone is listening.

Everyone can rise above their circumstances and achieve success if they are dedicated to and passionate about what they do.

A winner is a dreamer who never gives up.

Nelson Mandela

I reflect back at how often along my life path I have been told to “get real,” “get my head out of the clouds,” “it’s nice to dream Fawn, but, how can you ever create that…” Most of these people are well intentioned, they want what is “best” for me. I have learned to selectively share my dreams and visions for the future, holding them preciously in my heart, soul and mind’s infinite space. I prefer to keep the company of Dreamers, those who inspire and remind me that anything is possible.

Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.

The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious.

Although I am a typical loner in daily life, my consciousness of belonging to the invisible community of those who strive for truth, beauty, and justice has preserved me from feeling isolated.

Albert Einstein

Like Einstein I am a typical loner in my daily life. While I am factually surrounded by colleagues, customers, friends and family, I wander within my own passionate dream bubble, a space that is energized by the “invisible community.” It is an interesting space to hold. Being completely present while maintaining the vibrational energy of that which I believe is possible. In the wee hours of my quiet morning, weekends, or evening time I step towards my Daydreams. They are becoming. Yes, you cannot see them yet in this time and space, however, they are energetically manifesting. My joyous faith knows and feels them.

As humans we are driven by a desire to feel. To experience the sensation of joy, love, peace, acceptance, contentment, happiness… All we crave we cannot see or touch. Daydreaming fuels within me such expansive joy, love, excitement and eager anticipation while it breathes contentment into my present moments. To no longer dream is to die for me, to live a life of going through the motions, to hit the repeat button eternally.

I tell my children that anything is possible. I encourage them to dream and follow their passions. Sadly the “reality” teachers along their life path have put holes in their Daydreamer kites. The glorious news for them and all of us, is that kites can be mended to fly again.

Thank you Daydreamers for always being curious, for imagining what can be, for stepping forth in the crowd of naysayers to fly your kite…

If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it.

William Arthur Ward
Your dream space is for you to fill, to passionately create, curiously explore and infinitely expand…

I am sincerely enjoying the journey with the characters of “Your Soul’s Invitation”, for they are remembering to dream, thanks to an unexpected magazines. Click HERE to read the latest or begin the journey.

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BEing = Flowing Muse…

As the years tick by my craving for BEing rises. In this sweet suspended state there is only flow. It awakens a vibrational environment from within that connects me to all throughout eternity – no beginning or end. BEing, to me is a pure state of oneness, like walking on a cloud as the world around me buzzes in chaos. The stillness is infinite and multi-layered. I suppose it is the state often referenced by meditators (which I practice daily), spiritual practitioners, healers and those pure of heart in their religious practice. We are each unique in our journey and thus I do not pretend to know another’s connection to this grand indescribable space. I do know I wish it for every soul, for it releases one from the confines of concrete robotic existence to a place of detached joyous observation. Letting go of yesterday and tomorrow, to freely float in the present moment.

Meditating is a wonderful way to start a journey of BEing…

When I was young, I frequented this space with no knowledge of what I was genuinely doing, it was natural, freeing, joyous and full of unexpected discoveries. Sitting still or walking within the arms of nature opened the invitation for me to BE.

BEingness exists at all times, in all places and spaces, free to everyone, it awaits an invitation…

In our programed world we are often taught to lose this part of ourselves, severing our connection to the pure potential that always is. Most of my life I did not talk about or share with anyone this divine space of pure grace, for I struggled to find words which could truly embody its pureness of spirit. I still cannot explain, for it is not a state of BEing which can be described. I have often wondered if it is how people feel when they partake of drugs or alcohol, having only experienced the latter. In my personal journey with alcohol I have enjoyed its buzzing sensation that drops walls and opens creative spaces. However, I can say for myself that it does not touch the glorious space of vibrational BEing. Delightedly BEing has no harmful physical impacts, unlike alcohol or drugs and is scientifically proven to have powerful health benefits, so I’ll take more of that please.

This weekend has deliciously been all about following this bliss, letting it quietly guide my actions with authentic presence. Turning off my domesticated (see blog post on Domestication) taught brain to welcome the unadulterated state of joy which dances inexhaustibly to co-create anything, to stroll freely in dreams, curiosity, wonder and “what if”.

Happiness, peace, contentment, grace, potential, energy…, all reside in the flow of BEing

Last night I indulged in a sunset river walk. Absorbing the smells of late summer, admiring the suns red goodbye and marveling at the subtle play between water and land. People on bicycles sped by, fishermen cast their flies upon the rivers sway and walkers busily chatted amongst themselves. I travelled in their midst, floating in my bubble of BEing (state of BEing), merrily observing it all.

In this state my muse vibrantly awakens. Like a rollicking cherub it blissfully gurgles with thoughts, dreams, poems, songs, passion, love and contented peace. Like the river that flowed beside me, my muse meandered into the vast land of wonder and delight.

I often wonder, what would the world be like if everyone gifted themselves with just ten minutes or more per day of BEing. Gracing themselves with the unlimited potential that quietly resides between their inhale/exhale, pulsing with their heart and soul (an invitation to BE).

While preparing to slumber, I invited my muse to finish its writing. Concluding the flow of words that bubbled forth during my evening stroll…

Let Me…

Let me flow upon your ripple of time…

Let me catch my breath in your whisper…

Let me feel the depth of infinity in your feathered caress and raging passion…

Let me rest my head upon the textured warmth of your rhythmic heart…

Let me weep into the recesses of yesterday, the songs of tomorrow and the cracks in your skin…

Let me dance upon the soft sparkle of your dreams, engraving them upon the tapestry of life…

Let me release into the storm of your desires, abandoning myself into the rapture of oneness…

Let me run wild and free in the stirrups of your steed, thundering into the abyss of intertwined eternity…

Let me remember all the times our souls collided, birthing another star in the galactic Milky Way…

Let me….

I conclude with an invitation – Today I invite to you reacquaint yourself with your inner state of BEing. The space where all your dreams live, your passions, desires, wonders, joy, peace, love, grace… Like the blooming of a flower it awaits your invocation.

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Acceptance, Permission, Celebrate…

Settle down, stay put, be consistent, remain in the same job, climb the ladder of achievement, acquire property and things… Ugh!! I have sincerely tried, truly I have. Yet, to do so seems to kill a part of me, to shut off my passion, play and joyful exploration of life’s copiousness.

I recently sat down with myself to sincerely look at my life journey. Putting pen to page, I listed the different jobs I have engaged in since I branched out from babysitting at 16 years old – 38 jobs, yep, 38 different places with their own unique culture. I then reflected on my 28 year Bachelors degree expedition, hmmm… 4 universities, 3 states and over 245 credits in diverse fields of study – English, Business, Communications, Art, Linguistics, Teaching, Travel Tourismm, Health, Exercise Phys…. Then last but not least, I pondered my relationship quest, there too I have been blessed with great diversity.

I have always wondered, who “sets” the norms, why don’t we question and when did I say “yes” – I know I did not…

Embarrassment and shame have clung to me like a shadow that shows up in the dark. Haunting my heart and soul with criticism for my inability to settle down, stay in the same job and pursue life with focused intention to acquire and succeed by the societal and cultural norms and expectations I have been raised in.

Try as I might over the course of my life, I seem unable to do this. I am driven to learn, to experience, to delight in exploring life through the lens of a new place, people, environment and way of living. Every job has had its own lingo, flow and community. Each field of study expands the horizons of interconnected knowledge. Diverse relationships – intimate, friendship, colleague, employer/employee enhance my understanding of the world at large, for every individual has their own story.

The recent sojourn to work on a polycultural farm on San Juan Island powerfully helped me to discover and decipher more clearly what I do and don’t want in my life. As I find myself back in Boise, Idaho, I chuckle at how I hesitate to share this change. Feeling again that old sensation of shame, guilt and failure. In the quietness, I am given the opportunity to really see and feel into why I experience such self-judgment. From a very young age I felt bad for being someone who enjoyed change, who liked to try new things, explore different places and ways of living, finding it exciting and challenging to adapt and gain a new perspective. How can we truly know anything unless we try and change the place from which we view and experience?

I’m a dreamer. A passionate pioneer who thrives in climbing the next hill to take in the new view. Inquisitive, curious, playful and open to what I can learn, experience, see, feel, touch and hear. I grow to accept this truth, giving myself passionate permission to “go for it”, celebrating my soulful wanderlust! Like a wild animal, I do not thrive in the pens of societal and cultural expectations. I fervidly love being a pilgrim in life’s grand adventure!

It has been a long time coming and is way overdue – I Accept and give Permission to my wild soul to dance and engage in life as I am called. I Celebrate the exquisite opportunity to be curious, play, explore and seize the moments I’m graced to breathe… I find myself very excited to see what comes next with no shameful apology! Carpe Diem!!

I conclude with some of my favorite quotes by Thoreau, for they have inspired and comforted me in those moments of judgment –

“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.”

“I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.”

“How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live.”

“If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.”

“All good things are wild and free.”

“Our life is frittered away by detail. Simplify, simplify.”

― Henry David Thoreau