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Chasm Between Childhood & Elder…

Her eyes sparkle with joyful trust, her feet skip with abandoned freedom, her voice rises with no apology and her hands reach for the dust that sparkles in glittered suspension. She is free, wild and in ecstatic expression of the bliss which always is…

Her face was lined from years of living. Her eyes twinkled, bursting with memories etched like fireworks on a dark night. Her smile beckoned one to sit and listen. Her legs no longer danced, they lay bent and disfigured on the bed, raw open bed sores seeping at her hips. Her vibrant spirit encircled you the moment you stepped into her space, there was no victim in this room, no woe is me, instead one was greeted with dynamic passion, simple happiness, and a peacefulness that gently kissed you on the cheek. 

Who are the “her’s” I speak of? The first is me, dancing in my childhood living room, chasing the sun dust I stirred up with my exuberant joy. The second “her” is a divine woman I was blessed to care for in a nursing home years ago. Her aliveness, grace, peace, and love still dance in my memory. She and others I cared for knew a truth, as did the child in me. 

What did they know? They knew that happiness, love, peace and contentment always exist. They knew tranquility and exuberance did not exist in things outside themselves. They knew that it was accessible in all moments. They knew that no one could give it to them, yet they lovingly shared it. They knew it was a choice.

The years and space between innocent curious childhood and the wisdom of one’s latter years is full of “shoulds,” “comparisons,” “judgments,” and the measuring of oneself against a society often textured with fear and distrust. I do not have to sit very long in a cafe before I can hear someone criticizing themselves, or attacking someone else. The stories swirl around like the sound of an espresso machine, surging like the white foam with blame, shame, hurt, victimhood and discontent. It breeds like flies on a patio table, snatching up every scrappy morsel to inject the psyche with why life is so miserable. 

Why do humans choose this? A question I have pondered since I was five years old. Why do we let go of our passionate desires to instead fly someone else’s kite? Why do we slam the door on the pure potential of joy? Why do we kick happiness to the curb, to welcome and invite stressful frustration? Why do we say “have to” instead of “get to”? Why do we choose to go through our days and moments on auto-pilot, waiting for someone or something else to make us better? Do we prefer to wait, to lie on our deathbed watching the autobiographical movie of regret? Why do we look in the mirror with such self contempt and hatred, for as young children we loved our reflection? I ask all of this with curiosity and a desire to understand.

A body twitches with delightful anticipation when a matchstick of wonder is lit beneath…

In my sophomore year of college I was blessed to work at an international daycare. Here I witnessed children from all over the world. They danced, played, laughed, cried, and enacted make believe stories together. Dynamically they engaged with each moment in present enthusiasm, viewing the world as a frontier to be explored. I sensed that the older children were on the fringe of losing this curious wonderment. In their play I observed them mimicking adults, their eyes became serious, their jaw set tightly, their voices lowered into somberness, like smoke their joy, spontaneity, compassion and kindness disappeared into the passing wind gust, leaving behind a robotic body controlled by the “taught” mind. 

Three years after working in a daycare, I found myself working in a nursing home. Here I discovered the grace and vengeance of aging. I was gifted to share time with souls who lived a full passionate life and others who were embittered with regret. The extreme chasm between the two slapped me stingingly as I would leave one room to enter the other. My heart and soul ached for those fighting their own shadow, their anger and inability to forgive expressed through pinches, punches, and verbal abuse as I tried to assist them to the toilet, shower or dining hall. Off the clock, I cherished the moments I got to sit and listen to the stories from those celebrating life. Stories of falling in love, having children, riding in a car for the first time, rising above struggle, appreciating the gentle flow of seasons, years, experiences, and the pure grace of a life lived fully. 

In my forties I found myself teaching language arts to junior high students. Here I witnessed the cross over in technicolor poignancy. A few young people desperately clung to their innocent pure belief that anything is possible, that one could reach for their dreams with unbridled passion. The majority of the students had given up, they did not dream, instead they chased visions of their future painted on the wall by parents and society. They swallowed hard the doses of expectations fed to them with the famous mantras, “when I have lots of money I will be happy, when I get my degree I will be happy, when I buy a house I will be happy, when I marry I will be happy, WHEN I… I will then be HAPPY. 

Ironically the joke is on us, for much of life is lived between the wild child and the wise elder. Thus I am forever grateful for the life altering gift of witnessing snapshots of age through my diverse professional life. They have  graced me with an awareness and microscopic view that life is really just a brief sojourn. A brief interlude to experience as I choose. 

Today I watch the sun dust with the pure delight of my four year old wonderment, I dance with unlimited joy, for I am not young, nor old, I am in between, kissing each spec of time with gratitude. 

Today I invite you to join me, breathe deeply into the child you once were before life manipulated you. 

Today I encourage you to take back the string to your own kite, feel it dance freely upon the winds of raw, wild adventurous, exploration. 

Invitations to play:

  • Dance to your favorite music.
  • Sing with unbridled enthusiasm.
  • Daydream upon the page, letting the ink describe what your heart can imagine.
  • Play the “what if” game – on a piece of paper and/or in your mind play out the potential of following a dream…
  • Meditate quietly, letting the images and thoughts arise from within.
  • Color, paint, create, letting yourself express freely.
  • Close your eyes to feel into and remember the child within, what did you love, enjoy, imagine…
  • Invite your inner child to play, then get ready for some fun, as you embrace the wonder and curiosity.

I’m curious, do you prefer to hang around the serious, somber, practical person or find great joy in spending time around someone who is passionate, vibrant, dynamic and happily living life?

Your soul’s invitation…

Which one are you?

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No Matter Where I GO, There I AM…

It has been way too long since I shared words upon this page. Sometimes I give in to the calling for a quiet hiatus, pausing to reflect, feel, explore and just BE. Often in this crazy world we forget what Just BEing can feel like. It seems to be ingrained into our personal psyche that if we are not DOing we must BE failing. I completely disagree!

The chaotic zoom of the world even in these times of COVID, incessantly taps on us like a crow pecking on a scavenged dirty cracker found upon a sidewalk. Over time we have become immune to such bombardment, calloused to the dings upon our “lifeblood” phone, the small inanimate object we take everywhere. Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Pinterest, YouTube, the list continues to expand. I am not against technology, I am actually very grateful for how it has kept my scattered family connected during these isolated times. As a writer at heart, I love coming to the page to dance with my muse, leaving behind the typewriter white out and loud din of pecking on the keys. WhatsApp delights me, for I am free to communicate when I want, for as long as I desire and in whatever format I feel like engaging in – audio, images, video, all of this at my fingertips, literally.

Just BEing, seems to be a forgotten playmate and lost gift. As a child you engaged with it all the time, for it sparked creative ideas, imaginary scenes and pure bliss. As you grew up, you inhaled the taught (domesticated) expectations, accepting without question that there was only one path to happiness. You pushed aside your precious inspiring playmate to engage with the “to do” list, goal chart, success ladder, asset collecting, bank account and programed paradigms of societal expectations. Now, please understand, I am not against any of the above listed things, matter a fact, I engage in all of them. I ask them to align with me, my dreams, my passions, my priorities and personal desires. It allows me to design my unique empowered path.

During my recent hiatus from this page and my other blog The BEingness Project, I explored more deeply the authentic truth

“And remember, no matter where you go, there you are.”

~ Confucius
Is there truly a wrong or right path? What if all life choices were about exploring the rich diversity of possibility?

As I deeply feel into what I desire for the next phase of life, I give myself permission to squish around the sensations of each idea. As though I am an explorer investigating the textures, smells, sounds and ambiance of a puffy white cloud. Suspended above my purposed next adventure, I take it all in – why, where, who, what… It has been my life experience that we jump like a frog to the next lily pad hoping that it will “fix” our problems, change our situation, or answer our unspoken and unidentified hearts’ desire. While the leaping in and of itself is intoxicating and thrilling, it does not change the reality that wherever you go, there you are. As I play with the soft red clay that forms my life, I give myself the time to unearth the richness or deprivation of each scenario. Does it lift my wings or is it another distraction, an escape route that ultimately leads back to the same dead end cul de sac?

Oh I am poised to jump! All my muscles are taut and ready for my invitation. Delightfully wisdom has started to blossom in full glory, encouraging me to BE, to FEEL, to allow myself the TIME to witness the possibilities as they play out within my heart and soul. What calls me, pulls me towards my song, my story, my sharing…? Cutting away at the puppet strings attached without my knowing, I float in the free fall, trusting the parachute of my own inner GPS guidance. What an exciting time, to stand at the edge of a new horizon, vast, limitless, infinite and grand… The only limitation is that which I put upon myself. Lifting my wings, responding to my poised muscles and heart strings, I set sail. There is no RIGHT or WRONG path, only the knowing that I choose to live a life of no regret. As the astute saying shares, there is no Uhaul that follows us when we pass from this life, thus I wish to fill the coffers of my time here with vapor held experiences, rich colors painted upon my heart, breath stopping memories of love and grace, and laughter that carries me home…

Thank you for joining me today, I forgot how much fun it is to BE with you 🙏🏻💖. It is my absolute life passion that each and every one of us remembers how to BE, how to hear and feel our heart/soul call. Rising into a life of passion, dreams and desires. When we walk naked on this path of personal truth, we touch and lift all who connect with us along the way!

If you enjoyed this little blog, here are a couple of old posts that invite BEingness into your life ❤️

What is BEingness

Allowing the joyful grace of BEing

How to begin the allowing journey of BEing

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Life Windows

If you have been following my novel, click here to catch up or join us.

A window, like life is limited by the parameters we put around it…

What windows do you view life through? What have been the vistas to raise you? What scenes have unfolded outside and inside those windowed rooms?

During this time in my life I find myself doing a lot of walking. I have always loved to walk, it is another way I meditate, ground myself, sort through life and feel natures balm.

As I shared recently I have moved into a small studio at the top of an old Historical home. I get to watch the dance of life through my large bay window, that is and of itself an art piece. I enjoy observing the play of light, listening to the sounds from the sidewalk and street. Yesterday I observed Halloween unfolding all around me.

The other night as I roamed my beautiful neighborhood, glancing at homes, watching squirrels scurry in frenetic winter prep and peeking into the clear glass frames, I reflected on all the life windows I have lived through.

As a young child I remember the neighborhood of matching homes, we all looked exactly the same from the outside. Sandwiched into college married housing I danced in the small living room viewing the diverse people and parking lot outside my home. We moved a lot in my young years, so I examined the world through many windows. Daycare, car, bus, home, windows everywhere….

As I played out the diverse windows of my life, I marveled at how many. Life is full of windows – what do we see and feel when we look out, as we look in?

At times windows have made me feel connected to the world around me. Living tucked in nature I loved hearing, feeling, smelling and seeing the world outside my little solo window. The Whipperwill sang me to sleep, the red pine whispered the secrets of life, and the breezes shared intimate stories of oncoming change. Those outside my window peering in, watched me sing and dance, cry in loss, stomp in anger, sit lost in my aloneness, write and read, all in an attempt to know who I am in life’s window.

At other times windows have made me feel alone, separate from the world around me. Looking out I take in the interactions between people, I listen to laughter, children playing, football games, cars, planes, yet, here I sit isolated and quiet. I know I can go out and become a part of it all. Sometimes I do. While often I prefer to observe.

At this poignant crossroads in life I find myself reflecting on life’s windows. I am taking the time to really scrutinize the scene, looking beyond the glass and flowing curtains. Who am I in this mix? What do I choose to experience, share, be an active participant in…?

I have taken in the view from so many work windows, many of them felt like they had bars to keep me in. I would look out counting the hours until I was on the other side. As I chew on this raw truth, I smile, for all those windows helped to raise me, make me who I am today, gave me diverse experiences, taught me to persevere and choose myself.

I am grateful for the kaleidoscope of windows that has thus far graced my life. I wonder with curiosity what windows await me. What aspects of life will I get to witness? What vistas will fill my senses with joy, invite and beckon me to more? What will happen on the other side, when I walk into the room with windows, no longer an outsider.

I ask you –

  • What windows have touched you the most?
  • What windows felt like bars?
  • What windows do you still wish to look out of?
  • How has the view out your life windows shaped you?

As I stroll past the many windows I smile with knowing that every window has a story. That every person looking out that window sees something different. They come to the window with their own personal journey, thus they can only see with that awareness. As I look at them, I can only imagine who they are, what they know, see and feel. I wonder, as they watch me walk by, what story do they write about me? Who do they observe from their perspective?

To see is to let go of the story, to allow the view to unfold with raw authenticity and wonder…

Life’s Windows let us see out while they help us to see within….

If you would like to join us on an adventure with a magazine that sees, hears and feels – Click Here

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Keeping it simple to fuel my passions…

If you are following the magazine that speaks click here – “Just BE YOU”

As my regular readers know, I recently embarked on my next new adventure – living in the middle of the city in a tiny space (approximately 250 square feet). I have now been here two complete weeks and I can honestly say “I love it!”.

This last week I biked to work every day, taking five to ten minutes from door to door. My lonely car looks at me from the parking space, wondering why it has been abandoned. Daily I explore my current stomping grounds, admiring the changes that occur over the course of a day. The wee hours of early morning present such quiet freshness, street lights illuminate the diverse houses of this old part of town. Fallen leaves and mature acorns crunch on the sidewalk beneath my feet as I weave through the neighborhood. Evenings find me roaming farther afield, stretching the sunset for as long as I can. I admire the play of light on church steeples, carefully planted flowers and towering trees covered with their autumn attire.

Yesterday I treated myself to a morning latte, ordered from an adorable little cafe (Hyde Perk Coffee House) tucked into the Hyde Park zone . Walking up to the COVID created outdoor window I placed my order. While I waited, I enjoyed the tranquil street offering haloed quaint shops and restaurants.

As I sink more deeply into this simplified life I find myself celebrating the freedom to focus on my passions. Imbuing them with new vigor and delight. In decluttering and reducing the demands in my life, there is no denying or avoiding, the truth of my desires fill the space, beckoning me with intensified zeal.

It is strange after twenty two plus years to focus on just me. Being a mom has been the most precious and important role in my life thus far. Throughout the journey I always strived to maintain the woman within, juggling to balance the needs of my children and self. Now that they are off exploring their worlds, I find myself looking to the horizon with fresh eyes. Inviting the odyssey! Welcoming exploration! Bounding with faith into passions that stir my soul.

Keeping it simple has rekindled my enthusiasm. I feel like a fresh twenty year old, saying loudly, “bring it on!” I engage vibrantly with curiosity at what will happen next, for when we give wings to our passions, they lift us into exhilarating adventures. This is way better than being twenty at the beginning, for now I carry with me the wisdom of many life experiences.

I chuckle at all that has happened just since June, especially during such crazy times on our planet. I have been blessed to work and live on a farm in San Juan Island, Washington, I then came back to be called to the next change – living tiny in the center of the city. I am very excited to see what I attract next into my life experience. Watch out world, this girl is enthusiastically soaring into her “second life” with joyous gusto!

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.

Maya Angelou

Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you.

Oprah Winfrey

There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.

Nelson Mandela

This above all; to thine own self be true.

William Shakespeare

Provoking Questions for this week –

  • How do you fuel your passions?
  • What would you do more of, if you did not have such a long “to do” list?
  • If you had all the money you wanted, how would you spend your time?
  • If you were living your passionate life, what, where, how would you be living?
  • Do you live in the present day, or stuck in yesterday and or dreaming about tomorrow?
  • What excuses do you tell yourself over and over for not living your full life?

Thank you for journeying with me – isn’t life a grand adventure!!

If you are following the great adventure of Rita, Francine and Ken’s life click on the image below to learn more about the miraculous magazine 🙂 –

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It Did Work Out…

Latest Raw Authentic Musing

Click on Image at the bottom of blog for the continued adventure with Rita, Francine and the miraculous magazine. Who might find one next? How is it changing life’s? What is happening for Rita and Francine as they open and feel?

What dreams await your curious exploration? Don’t let them die within you….
  • I am curious, have you ever done something you thought was silly, yet you just had to do it? Your mind would not shut up until you did it?
  • Moved somewhere because the place would not stop haunting you?
  • Ever dreamed of experiencing something, thoughts of it flowing into your mind without invite?
  • Wanted to try another job or place – but let fear control you?

My time on San Juan Island, Washington at the polycultural farm was one such experience. I continue to be so grateful for that time and all I learned. Since my return to Boise, Idaho I have had many people say, “I’m so sorry it didn’t work out.” My response to this caring statement is “It did work out, perfectly.”

If we allow our soul to speak, it has such adventures, dreams and desires to share…

When did we learn to view our life through the lens of “Success or Failure?” Is not life an adventure full of twists, turns, spins, ups and downs? If I was always happy and satisfied, how would I know, if I did not have relevancy by feeling otherwise. If I saw everything I tried that I did not like or enjoy as a failure, would I not be teaching myself shame and fear?

How do we know, if we do not try?

When your child begins to walk and falls down, do you tell them they are a failure? When a friend embarks on a new relationship, do you tell them not to do it because it might not “work out?” When did we become so judgmental and afraid to try? We definitely were not born that way.

Why would anyone ever extinguish the mystery of life unfolding and becoming…..

Today I sit here smiling at another opportunity I am preparing to experience. I am excited and open to all it shall offer me. I have no idea if I will love it or not. If it will be right for me or not. What a thrill to go for it and try!!

As I shared in my last blog, I received the unexpected news that I get to move from the lovely pond sanctuary, opening the space back up for the family who owns it. The last few years have found me craving a small simple space where I walk or bike everywhere. A place that is easy to care for, thus giving me more time to write and pursue other things I find pleasure in.

I joyously get to move to such a space this next week – embarking on my next adventure in this life. Will I enjoy it or not? I don’t know. What I do know is that I will not know unless I try.

The space is teeny tiny (approximately 200 sq ft), full of charm, close to everything and perfect for this Writer to explore more.

We are here but a moment in time ~ why would we choose to limit the journey…?

When I visit with people asking about their passions, desires, wishes and dreams – I am often met with a surprised blank look. The words, “I don’t know,” often follow. Or, “I’ve never thought about it.”

I wonder, if we took away the judgment, comparison and shame, would more people go for it? Is not life about enjoying the journey? Being in the moments we never get back? Enjoying the sensations such an experience offer us?

Personally, I prefer to view my life as “It is always working out for me.” When I look back in the rearview mirror of my life, I smile, for it is miraculous how all the experiences are dots on a road map of this grand adventure. Each one could not exist without the one before it. Was it all fun? No. However, I would not trade any of it, for I would not be me, here today celebrating life’s next unfolding – I know it is working out for me.

This blog entry is an invitation.

  • Dream…
  • Explore…
  • Feel the inspired callings…
  • Let go of fear…
  • Leap with trust and love…
  • Go For it…
  • Live a life of NO regrets…
  • Carpe Diem…
  • All that is certain is uncertainty – thus the now moment is precious…
If you have been following Rita, Francine and the miracle magazine – click the image above.