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Wait or BE???…

During this unique time in our world I hear and read everywhere the desire to return to normal. It’s as though people are holding their breath because the air presently available is foul and encroaching on life as we know it.

As I lay in bed last night, watching the bright moon glow, I found myself contemplating,

  • Why are we waiting?
  • Why do we want to return to what was?
  • What if there is actually a new world that awaits us with positive changes?
  • What if this is a rare opportunity not a curse?

I do experience that people enjoy a routine. They like familiar and predictable. I am guilty of liking some simple routines myself, such as journaling every morning, the way I have started my day for over thirty years. I also relish my warm cup of Jasmine Green tea that accompanies my pen and paper in the quiet dawning. I love walking in the grace and splendor of the natural world, to feel my body flow with the rhythm of nature’s song. Yes, I have my daily pleasures that make my heart smile…

I can honestly say though, that I often query with my heart, soul and mind – “Does this daily habit serve me? Is it helping me to co-create a more joyful expansive life?” If that search uncovers that I am doing it for others, because I “should” (yuck), or to meet some outside expectation that I do not care about, then I stop and let it go. This is a constant dance of reflective exploring, an aspect of life that morphs as I grow.

As I journaled this morning, it struck me like a lightning bolt – “What if it is not about WAITING! Instead, it is a glorious chance to learn how to BE. Maybe for the first time in your life you get to just BE. Feeling into the rich expansive layers of who you are. Taking this time to explore the nooks and crannies of your intimate heart, soul, and quieted mind.

We can only hear our personal song, when we listen…

Throughout my life journey most of the people I meet do not want to sit in their own quiet. They do not want to be still, to hear the silence, feel their own heartbeat. When I broach the subject of just BEing, I am jolted by the fear and discomfort that presents itself. This saddens me, for only in the quiet space can the inner self have a chance to bubble up, the unexplored dreams surface and the hidden desires show up in technicolor.

Yesterday on my walk, I sat by the river watching freshly released seed pods float by, like watching the flames of a campfire, I was transfixed by their tango upon the water. A pair of osprey serenaded, dancing upon the wind currents of a cloudless azure sky. To complete the perfect setting, vivid green willow buds burst upon the exquisite scene. I welcomed the serenity, breathing it in with momentous gratitude. I allowed myself to float in the sweet reverie, grateful to Just BE…

Today I invite you to BE, allow yourself the grace to feel, breathe deep, listen to your inner being, ponder the thoughts that drift up out of the quiet internal space.

Of course as we know, it is always your choice. You can WAIT, hoping for change, expanding the sensation of frustration and worry OR you can open up to feel into the NOW moment, content to Just BE.

What if this time is not about Waiting, instead it is an offer to BE???…

I joyously announce that today I OPEN and SHARE the fiction writing side of me :-). Beware, it is an ongoing tale… Click to join me – “The Inner Being Quest, Your Personal Journey Home…”

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Precipice of Time…

Her eyes sparkle with joyful trust, her feet skip with abandoned freedom, her voice rises with no apology and her hands reach for the dust that dances with her in the glittering sunlight. She is free and wild an ecstatic expression of the bliss which always is…

Her face was lined from years of living. Her eyes danced, bursting with memories etched like fireworks on a dark night. Her smile beckoned one to sit and listen. Her legs no longer danced, they lay bent and disfigured on the bed with raw open bed sores seeping at her hip joints. Her vibrant spirit encircled you the moment you stepped into her space, there was no victim in this room, no woe is me, instead one was greeted with dynamic passion, simple happiness, and a peacefulness that gently kissed you on the cheek. 

Who are the “her’s” I speak of? The first is me, dancing in my childhood living room, chasing the sun dust I stirred up with my exuberant joy. The second “her” is a divine woman I was blessed to care for in a nursing home years ago. Her aliveness, grace, peace, and love still dance in my memory. She and others I cared for knew a truth, as did the child in me. 

What did they know?

  • They knew that happiness, love, peace and contentment always exist.
  • They knew that it did not exist in things outside themselves.
  • They knew that it was accessible in all moments.
  • They knew that no one could give it to them, yet they lovingly shared it.
  • They knew it was a choice.

The years and space between innocent curious childhood and the wisdom of one’s latter years is full of “shoulds”, “comparisons”, “judgments”, and the measuring of the self against a society often ruled through fear and distrust. I do not have to sit very long in a cafe before I can hear someone criticizing themselves or attacking someone else. Stories swirl around like the sound of the espresso machine, surging with blame, shame, hurt, victimhood and discontent. It breeds like the flies on the patio tables, snatching up every scrappy morsel to add fuel to why their life is so miserable. 

Why do humans choose this?

A question I have pondered since I was five years old.

  • Why do we let go of our passionate desires to instead choose to fly someone else’s kite?
  • Why do we slam the door on the pure potential of joy?
  • Why do we kick happiness to the curb, to welcome and invite stressful frustration?
  • Why do we say “have to” instead of “get to”?
  • Why do we choose going through our days and moments on auto-pilot, waiting for someone or something else to make us better?
  • Do we prefer to wait, to lie on our deathbed watching the autobiographical movie of regret?
  • Why do we look in the mirror with such self contempt, as young children we loved our reflection?

I ask all of this with curiosity and a desire to understand.

In my sophomore year of college I was blessed to work at an international daycare. Here I witnessed children from all over the world. They danced, played, laughed and cried, living their moments very presently. They saw the world as a frontier to be explored. I sensed that the older children were on the fringe of losing this curious wonderment for life. In their play I observed them mimicking adults, their eyes would change, their jaw would set tightly, their voices would take on a serious tone. The joy, spontaneity, compassion and kindness evaporated, leaving behind a robotic body, controlled by the “taught” mind. 

Three years after working in a daycare, I found myself working in a nursing home. Here I discovered the grace and vengeance of aging. I was gifted to share time with souls who lived a full passionate life and others who were embittered with regret. The extreme chasm between the two slapped me stingingly as I would leave one room to enter another. My heart and soul ached for those fighting their own shadow. They carried their anger and sadness like a suitcase loaded with boulders, burdening their final days. These souls expressed through pinches, punches, and verbal abuse while you assisted them to the toilet, shower or dining hall. Off the clock, I cherished the moments I got to sit and listen to the stories from those celebrating life. Stories of falling in love, having children, riding in a car for the first time and rising above struggle. Reflections of the gentle flow of seasons, years, experiences and the pure grace of a life lived fully. 

Precipice of time…

In my forties I found myself teaching language arts to junior high students. Here I witnessed the cross over in technicolor poignancy. A few young people desperately clung to their innocent pure belief that anything is possible, that one could reach for their dreams with unbridled passion. The majority of the students had given up, they did not dream, instead they chased visions of their future painted on the wall by parents and society. They swallowed hard the doses of expectations fed to them with the famous mantra, “When I have lots of money I will be happy, when I get my degree I will be happy, when I buy a house I will be happy, when I marry I will be happy, WHEN I… I will then be HAPPY”

Ironically the joke is on us, for much of life is lived between the wild child and the wise elder. Thus I am forever grateful for the life altering gift of witnessing snapshots of age through my diverse professional life. They have  graced me with an awareness and microscopic view that life is really just a brief sojourn. A brief interlude to experience as I choose. 

Today I watch the sun dust with the pure delight of my four year old wonderment, I dance with unlimited joy, for I am not young, nor old, I am in between, kissing each with gratitude for their wisdom. 

Today I invite you to join me, breathe deeply into the child you once were before life manipulated you. 

Today I encourage you to take back the string to your own kite, feel it dance freely upon the wind. 

I wrote this piece originally over a year ago, today it whispered at me, beckoning me to share in this time of change upon our planet. We all sit unexpectedly in a space of suspended uncertainty. As we float between what was and what is becoming, we are being graced with a crystal ball that plays scenes from childhood, while positioning the paint brush towards a canvas of our elder years. Posed on a precipice, can you hear the whispers of grace and freedom? Or do you cling to the chaos of fear?

The wise gentle elders I was blessed to care for no longer inhabit this plane, yet the way they embraced their journey is written in permanent marker on my heart, soul, and mind. I shall not lie on the bed sores of life embittered and shriveled, I shall dance vibrantly in the sparkling company of dust particles…

If you ache for some soothing quiet, please enjoy some of my recorded guided meditations at – “Dawn with Fawn” on YouTube channel or read more at The Beingness Project.

In the quiet stillness lies the grace for more….
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Aftershocks of Uncertainty…

Guess What?… Uncertainty struck! It showed up with earth shaking realism!

And it continues… Idaho has experienced 37 aftershocks following the 6.5 magnitude that rattled everything last evening. According to the National Weather Service it was the second largest earthquake in the world for March 2020.

One would say, be careful what you say, type, or think, for you might get a real life example.

When I look in my review mirror, it is dotted with such moments. All in their own “glory” and unexpectedness. When I sit with those life experiences, really feeling into them and exploring their “aftershocks”, I am humbled, for they all lead to what comes next. More powerfully they have sculpted who I am today. Chiseling out the aspects of myself that did not serve or fit my new expansion.

This time in our world with COVID – 19 is another such opportunity. It is having many aftershocks for us to see and personally know, each and everyone of us is being hit by its quake in some form.

What will we choose to do with the experience?

  • Will you go back to life as it was?
  • Will you start out being more thoughtful and reflective in your daily choices, only to shift back to your norm?
  • Will your children, family, friends have the same memories as you?
  • During your “stay at home” time did you “numb out”, distract yourself, or embark on a new “self-love” behavior and habit?
  • Did you take this opportunity to make changes?
  • Did you reach out and connect with others?
  • Will you go back to the job you hate or did you work on your resume, determined to create change?
  • Did you learn to appreciate what you have or continue to take it for granted?
  • And….

I think the thing that always baffles me is why do we “need a wake up call” to create change? Why do people not take action steps daily towards their dreams?

This time has gifted me with the opportunity to reflect more deeply. I can honestly say that I have never truly given up, despite unexpected derailments and intense uncertain times, I have never fully given up. I still have three dreams that intertwine to co-create the life I intend to live.

They are in process, they are becoming, they are a part of who I am….

I am at choice to enjoy the journey along the way or get frustrated because it has not fully happened yet. Which sounds more fun to you? Personally I prefer the first, for I do respect, honor and know that life is absolutely splattered with Uncertainty! So, I choose to aim my rudder towards my desired destination, celebrating that there will be moments when it is a wild ride (here are a couple of those opportunities). I hang on with a sense of adventure, vulnerable openness and joy for the present moment.

What aftershocks will this time offer you?

  • Will you be a passive apathetic bystander?
  • Will you take action towards your dreams?
  • Will you reach out?
  • Will you embark on a new journey?
  • Will you cradle with gratitude the blessings in your life?
  • Will you empathetically honor and assist those most intimately struck by this virus?
  • ???

I have grown to understand that some of the most profound changes in life happen over time with small simple daily action. We do not have to have an earthquake, tsunami, or pandemic to create change in our life, we just have to Choose to step, “putting one foot in front of the other…”

The song says it all…

On that note, I wish you well on this glorious day, that shall never be again...

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Uncertainty is the Truth…

The title of my blog site is “Walking Naked Truth”, if you check out the “About” page you will get an in depth explanation of this title. In today’s writing I come to the page wishing to embody and present the “naked truth”, so we may “walk” towards that which we fear and face it.

Facing our fears puts them into the light, so we can see the truth…

At this unusual time in our history there is an increased sensation of fear, worry and stress as I discussed in my other blog site – “The Beingness Project”. Where do these feelings bubble up from, why are they on the rise, paralleling the numbers of COVID-19 diagnosed cases? 

It has been my experience in this life journey that humans have this belief that they can control. That they are in control. That they “make things happen” and “make things stop”. I marvel at this belief and unspoken desire to force the flow, versus be in the flow. 

The raw truth, everything is always “Uncertain” and actually “out of our control”. We merely choose to steer the rudder, or attempt to push life the direction we want it to go. Often there is this feeling or belief that we are making it happen. Is this true? Let’s explore it.

If –

  • Someone in your family moves away, gets sick or changes an aspect of their life, does that impact you? 
  • A tornado spins through your town, does that change life? 
  • Your boss lets you go, does that impact your present reality?
  • You win or inherit a million dollars, does that create change in your life?
  • Your child falls and breaks a leg, will this change daily life for you?
  • You birth a healthy baby into your life, will life stay the same or be in your control?

You know that I can go on and on and on, for the truth is, one never knows. Often we are blessed to have life flow along as we “think it should”, keeping us in a state of belief that we have it all under control. In a mere second it could all change. 

The road before us may look straight, however, it is often full of unexpected curves…

Here is the glorious freedom in accepting that life is a journey of “Uncertainty” , you ALWAYS have the opportunity to CHOOSE how you will react. No matter what is happening, unfolding, or becoming you get to choose how you will BE in that moment. You are also at choice with how you will feel as you decide what you want to do next, create, have, etc… (Explore this more deeply in a previous post)

COVID – 19 has us all staring down the barrel of uncertainty. Sitting deeply in the truth that something we cannot see is actually in control. We can choose fear, we can choose worry, we can choose to be stressed. However, I prefer to choose quiet reflective calm. Breathing into the truth that I can choose how I want to feel right here, right now. (Here is a worksheet for you to play with). I know I cannot change the virus. I know I cannot personally cure it. I know what I can do to support my family. I know what I can do to help others to the best of my ability. I know that it will CHANGE, another given truth. Change is always taking place.

I personally like to look at what I fear, worry about, or allow to stress me out, for as I truly notice and investigate, I quickly discover that in truth “I am okay”. As I calm down and breathe more deeply into BEing okay, I can more easily explore the deeper cause of my concern. In doing this I then realize that by letting go with trust and doing the best I can, the vulnerable open space I step into puts me back into the natural flow of life. I stop trying to swim upstream and force the tide. (See relevant post regarding 2009, when I did “lose” everything)

In choosing to be still and breathe deeply we can feel into our truth, thus setting ourselves free..

I invite you, I invite all of us, to breathe deeply. To look at “uncertainty” with the realization that it is not just now that this is the truth, but always. Then we can breathe more deeply into the space with gratitude, for this means we can let go and choose how we want to feel right now. Walking with acceptance and inner knowing that life is an uncertain journey, we empower and accept each individual unique path. There will be bumps along the way, some may even change life drastically, yet, each person is at choice to choose how they want to feel in the NOW moment. 

I believe it is a gift to experience the spectrum of emotions we are given as a human – joy, sad, loss, happy, anger, excitement, anticipation, concern, doubt, fear, love, grace, worry, peace, etc… I like to recognize and feel the diversity of emotions life offers me. I get to honor them and reflect on why I am feeling that way, what I want to do with it and if I wish to change it. If I allow it all to flow, versus holding onto the emotion, stuffing it, or blaming someone else, then I am calmly free to move into what I want to experience and maybe even learn from the process. The power I have is in CHOOSING how I will react and BE in the life experience that is always unfolding and becoming.

Open your arms to the flow of life, it may. surprise you with its magnificence…

At this time in history we are being given a chance to see, feel and understand ourselves more deeply. Life is uncertain. I think it would be a very boring journey if we could control everything. Uncertainty stimulates a journey, an adventure to learn, grow and expand into what comes next. Uncertainty is an empowering bridge to a life of choice. It gifts us with opportunities to practice choosing how we want to feel and BE.

So lets look at Uncertainty with Naked Truth and Walk forward into the flow of life –

  • How do you want to feel?
  • What about this pandemic worries you the most?
  • Can you look straight at that worry/fear?
  • When you look at it from your heart and not your mind (turn off the news), does it shift?
  • Do you like how fear, stress or worry feel?
  • What do you prefer to feel?
  • What can you think about that will shift you into your preferred state of BEing? (download previous mentioned worksheet to play with this)

I wish for all the freedom that comes with accepting uncertainty as a friend and ally. Freeing the internal self from the strangling worry, fear and stress.

Freedom is a state of BEing, one that comes from within…

Until next time, take special care of you, for only when you are well can you then serve others. 

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Visions of a Younger Self…

I sat straight up in the small wooden chair. It reminded me an old childhood school chair. The room was empty, could I actually call it a room, for there were no walls and it went on forever. The space was just vast endless blue gray light. Only me and my chair. “Where was I? Why was I here? How do I escape?” I felt weighted down in the chair, my legs unresponsive to my minds tingling panic. I encouraged myself to calm down, to breathe, to trust and let go of fear.

Like a gigantic movie screen the space in front of me lit up with a life sized scene. It was me. Dressed in my favorite blue and red jeans with flowing light blue blouse speckled with daisies. My hair was blowing in every direction, encircling my young face and my feet as always were dirty with no shoes. The six year old me stepped closer, I was transfixed by her gaze and unable to look away.

She stopped in front of me, reaching out her small little hands to stroke my cheek. Our eyes stayed locked together, a mirror of soft sky blue. In her eyes I saw such deep love, compassion, and spirited joy. They begged me to relax, to let go, to trust and be present. I felt the emotions welling up in me, a tear slid down my face as I leaned into her tiny hand, so warm, soft and gentle. The fear slid out of my body, disappearing like mist in the infinite space.

“My dear Fawn, do you remember?” she asked. Her young voice broke the still silence. Her gentle caress continued to wipe the moist tears from my face. My eyes answered her question with confusion. “What was I to remember? Had I made a promise I forgot? Then it struck me, was I dead? Had I left my physical body and now was stuck in this random space with my young self.” Her vague question had jolted my mind into high drive, which started the generator of fear again.

“Shhhhh…, it’s okay”,she soothed, continuing to touch my forehead and gray hair. I took a deep breath and relaxed back into her presence. I tried to move my lips, but they seemed paralyzed as I processed this experience. “Do you remember the dreams we used to have, the adventures we were going to go on, the books we were going to write, the places we were going to see and photograph?” a giggle filled her body as she asked the questions. Before I could answer she placed her tiny finger on my lips to stop me, softly cooing, “Watch with me“. The space lit up with a panoramic scene, the young me running barefoot down my favorite path towards our small little house tucked in the woods.

I was singing as I bounced along the trail. I looked so healthy and vibrantly alive. Free and wild in my mind, heart and soul. I completely believed that anything was possible, I could go where ever I wanted, do what I dreamed and see all the places I could imagine. The world was the frontier, full of adventures, people and new experiences.

Everything froze, washing the image away. Then suddenly there I was again, this time in my late teens. I sat under my thinking tree, a magnificent red pine that stoically held me perched above the gurgling river below. A smile crossed my face as I remembered. Warm salty tears kissed the edges of my eyes, tears of gratitude, love, joy, sadness, loss, and regret. The weight of her small hand on my shoulder kept me present, despite the urge to slip into the quiet space of a time gone by.

“Go there” she pleaded . “Feel into what we were thinking, dreaming, feeling, wanting. Remember”, her words drifted off.

I felt myself remembering, my spirited body became filled with a blend of loss, desire and ignited hope. The sobs escaped through smiling lips and undecipherable laughter. The dreams of yesterday, of the little girl and young woman permeated my very essence. In my minds eye and hearts page, I saw the books I dreamed to write, I witnessed the exploration of new places, the connection with people around the globe, learning, sharing, bridging humanity with humanity and humanity with nature.

A gasp rose up and escaped my emotionally racked body. Like a bursting comet it hit me, “I still dreamed to connect humanity, to awaken people to their unique magnificence, to bring them home to their inner state of being, awakening them to their heart and souls desires.”

It all flushed through me, the remembered awareness that nature connected us, healed and reminded us of our true inner essence.

Bridge building, that’s what I felt called to share. The bridge between human and nature, the bridge between the inner self and outer being, the bridge between all humanity, exposing our similarities no matter our walk of life or place of existence.

I looked up into the innocent wise face of my younger self, she smiled, running her velvety hand down my cheek. She leaned in, kissed my forehead and disappeared. I sat frozen, uncertain what to feel or do. My being was digesting, absorbing the intense experience. In my ear I heard her softly whisper, “Thank you for remembering, take gentle care of you and I will see you again soon.”

I sat there mesmerized by my own vibrant memories. Rekindling the wild child, the wild woman in me. Closing my eyes, I took in a tender quiet breath. As I released the cleansing air from my lungs, I blinked my tired eyes to life, uncertain in the moment what was “real” or a “dream”. I laid there, feeling into the gift from my younger self.

To be continued…

Until then, what if –

  • You sat in an empty room with your younger self, viewing the cinema of your youth, what would you witness, learn, remember?
  • What would your younger self show you, tell you, share with you?
  • What dreams did you have?
  • What adventures did you wish for?
  • What did you love to do?

Care to share….

For more from me, visit – The Beingness Project

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Dogs and Children…

There are two things I love to watch that bring me pure delight – dogs and children. They exhibit such innocence, internal joy, creativity, curiosity, and genuine presence. From the comfort of my home I get to watch a vast diversity of dogs with their humans enjoying the many wonders of the nature path.

Nothing makes me smile quicker than a dog merrily smelling along the trail, wagging their tail in full glee. Sometimes, it actually makes me giggle, especially when they are proudly carrying a stick as though it was the olympic torch.

Watching a small toddler stumble on wobbly legs along the path is also a treat. They are so close to the ground that they notice the small sticks, little rocks, pinecones and leaves. Put them by a pond or river and they are delighted for hours. Mesmerized by a floating leave, a skipping water bug, and the glorious objects below the waters surface.

You and I have this state of being within us. It’s still there, waiting to play. I remember when I was around five years old, I could ride my cedar tree horse for hours. Pretending to travel the world on my amazing four-legged friend. During the frigid north wood winters of Michigan I would bundle up and head outside to my “real home”, a space carved out of piles of snow. I was always a Native American woman, for they represented the life I dreamed to live. A life on the land, co-existing in harmony, with a community that worked and played together. No cars or planes, just the magnificent horse.

The best horse ever…

Hours would fly by as I pretended to feed my family on the cut out ice snow plates. Going off to sit at the campfire with friends and family. Sometimes we would dance or tell stories. Maybe it was a day I worked on hides, for our clothing, or gathered roots and herbs for our healing and cooking. I loved this imaginary world.

During the fall I lived in my pine needle house. The towering white pine behind the house would share its abundant bounty. To build my home, I would gather the brown-orange needles to create walls with space for door and windows. Later when my siblings were old enough to play, they had to follow the rules – NO stepping over or on the four inch pine needle walls. You could only walk through the doorway to enter our magnificent fragrant home. Time flew by in this make believe world.

Lying on the ground I loved to watch the clouds float past. My mind would wonder to imagining what the passing birds were saying, how did a tree feel in the wind, rain, snow, sun? What were people doing in other parts of the world? What was it like to live in a place with different animals? My mind loved to inquire, imagine and ask.

Watching a network of ants, I marveled at how organized they seemed. I imagined that our busy world must look like an ant mound from the sky. The cars zooming on highways, traveling like the ants to and fro. I actually found this comparison quite funny, for humans thought themselves so wise and ingenious, yet, ants already had it figured out. When I witnessed my first Australian termite mound I was in complete awe of this little engineer, talk about high rise!!

We were born curious. We were born believing that anything is possible. We were born full of imagination. We were born trusting and loving. We were born BEing in the moment, aware only of the NOW.

Can you remember? Oh, I sure can! When I see a dog bouncing along, I giggle with pure understanding. Watching children play with sticks in a pond always reminds me of the amazing “witch’s brew” I stirred up in mud puddles.

During this time I invite you to remember.

  • If you have children at home get down on the floor and play with them.
  • Go outside, close your eyes, take in a long slow breath and when you exhale, open your eyes with a new sense of wonder and curiosity.
  • Look at a nearby tree, truly see it, notice if the buds are new, or is it time for quiet hibernation.
  • Observe the ground, can you witness a bug on its way with important business to complete?
  • Did a bird fly over, or serenade you?
  • If you have a dog or cat, notice the world through their curious exploration.
  • Sit down and write about your childhood, what do you remember, what are your fondest memories, why???

You are of course free to ignore my invitation, especially if the news brings you more joy. Or maybe worrying feels good. Or stressing about “what might happen”.

I know one thing for sure – you and I each have 24 hours in our daily cycle.

  • How do you want to spend that time?
  • What will bring you joy in the midst of uncertainty?
  • How can you spread good vibrations?

You are at choice 😊! Personally, I love remembering and doing more of what fills my heart and soul. Who knows, maybe it will spread…

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“I Wish I Could Bottle It Up For You…”

I wish I could put it in a bottle for you. A special bottle, unique to you, one that when opened, would release the rich vapors of peace, faith, love and joy. Your body like a dry sponge would absorb the craved sensations, replacing all fear, worry, doubt and discomfort. Like fresh oxygen for your lungs, the healing vapors would fill you up with the inner knowing that all is well. You can and will make it through this time.

I’ve been here before. While it is vastly different, it also drips of immense similarity. Twelve years ago I walked the tightrope of uncertainty. Worry nagged, pulled and poked at the corners of my mind, my head a pin cushion to the uncertainties in my life.

I clung to my home with every raw finger nail I had left. I applied to every possible job opportunity that might work. I topped the charts in creative cooking, stretching the rice beyond its palatable enjoyment.

Despite all my efforts, sleepless nights, fearful pacing and quiet praying, I was at the end of the timeline. The bank repossessed the home where my children were born. The bank quietly towed away our vehicle. My son was finishing 3rd grade, my daughter kindergarten. Standing solitarily in the middle of my home, I breathed a final good bye to life as I knew it and stepped into what came next…

Fear is a massively powerful virus, it will eat you from the inside out. It will age you, turning brown hair gray. It has no prejudice. It does not care how far it spreads. And it exponentially grows, creeping into every crevice.

I stand on the other side of all this. Blessed to examine this life changing time in the rearview mirror of my life. March 2007 to May 2011 turned our world upside down and inside out. I grew up! I learned that the human spirit is “stronger than it thinks”, that together we can keep stepping. Sometimes life is trying to give you something more, even though it feels like life is being ripped out of you.

Sometimes we just have to leap…

Today, unlike the financial crisis of 2008-2009, we are ALL in this together. Today, there is worldwide compassion. Today, I get notifications from companies that they will work with me financially. Today, we are interconnected globally.

My humbling journey twelve years ago gifted me in ways that words cannot express. It did change my life, it did push me up against the wall, it did give me gray hair, it did teach me what is truly important.

I wish I could bottle it up for you. A special bottle, unique to you, one that when opened, would release the rich vapors of peace, faith, love and happiness. I know, truly I know that –

What you most desire to feel is already within you. It cannot be bought or sold…

You are stronger than you think…

Within you lies a peaceful space, one that holds preciously your dreams and desires...

This time on our planet can be an opportunity, a chance to reflect, to notice, to appreciate, to choose…

You are not alone…

Feel your inner truth…

Here is your bottle – please open it with complete peace, faith and love…

For more inspiration and deeper exploration of BEing go to The BEingness Project – today I share worksheets and a meditation.

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Paradoxical Mirrors…

I had a dream…

I gingerly stepped out onto the effervescent ice. Shivering in my nakedness, the breeze pricked my skin to life, while it soothed my heart. Stepping fully out onto what appeared to be ice, I realized with shock that it was actually a two-way mirror. In the reflecting light I could see myself, my raw vulnerable body lit up by sunlight, my graying hair floating with the winds sweet caress. As I gazed down I could see through the mirror, taking in panoramic scenes of life upon earth. A movie reel of humanity.

I stopped frozen in place. Forgetting my exposure. Losing all sense of place and time. I watched the scene below me with a raging desire to understand. The movie played on, the cast of characters filled the stage, humans and the natural world. Scrutinizing with focus through the flash of my own reflection, I witnessed the world of paradoxical mirrors.

An invitation…

What I witnessed and grew to understand marveled me. Nature played us, even though we thought ourselves mighty and smarter, it merely mirrored back to us our own behaviors and way of being upon this land.

A paradoxical crystal ball…

It is the predator and prey – the lion and gazelle…

It is the convulsing spew and soothing balm – the volcano and gentle warm breeze…

It is the fierce earth altering storm and gentle nourishing rain – the hurricane and dancing dew…

It is the destroyer and healer – earthquake and lavender field…

It is a killer and life giver – drought and sprouting plant…

It is light and dark – sunrise and obscured moon…

It is destructively ugly and enchantingly stunning – tornado swath and meadow of poppies…

It is harmonious and hostile – a forest ecosystem and inferno fire…

It is inspiring and disheartening – a rainbow and infestation of locust…

As I sat upon the shimmering surface, engrossed by the unfolding action below me, I felt tears, laughter, joy, sorrow, hope, despair… The breadth of my human emotions spanned the galaxy of possibilities. Never before had I been so keenly aware of natures paradoxical dance. It moved me from within, it frightened and fascinated.

All of sudden everything went black, a curtain pulled over my eyes. I blinked furiously, hoping to find light. An intense spark from afar expanded across the infinite space, clearing the slate before me. No longer did I see nature playing on the screen below, now I witnessed humans…

I gasped at the scenes, the human actors mirrored nature or was it nature mirroring the human?

A man beating his wife – predator and prey

Sludge from a factory, a mother caressing the face of her child – convulsing spew and soothing balm

A massive garbage dump, a woman watering her small garden – fierce earth altering storm and gentle nourishing rain

The bulldozing of a farm, the harvesting of herbs – destroyer and healer

The murder of another human, the caring craft of a surgeon – killer and life giver

The acceptance and love of another, the hate and judgment of others – light and dark

A child being molested, a child being cradled with love – destructively ugly and enchantingly stunning

A family dining together, a riot in the streets – harmonious and hostile

A person creating homeless shelters, a person ignoring a starving child – inspiring and disheartening

Again, I found myself swooning with a kaleidoscope of emotions. I sat frozen, unsure of what to feel, do, or say… The darkness swooshed in, this time I was calm, welcoming its closure and end. As the light presented itself, I quietly watched it expand, fearful and yet curious. The surface below me was solid now, a frosted, smooth white surface that went on forever. Above me the sky illuminated in glorious shades of blue, while the sun warmed my skin.

I stood up, allowing the gentle breeze to clear my mind. Then it struck me, like a bright shocking lightening bolt,

“What if human beings changed? Would the natural world mirror our choices? Could we begin a new cycle of cooperative co-existence? If nature mirrors us or vice versa, then it was possible, right?”

“Can humans change? Can we learn to live upon this planet with respect, gratitude and honor? Can we peruse our past to change the future?”

I had a dream…

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I Planted A Garden…

~ Fawn Caveney

Every day we plant a garden. Every day we decide if we shall care for it. Everyday we make the choice, shall we weed it, ignore it, honor it, or destroy it.

Each and every one of us decides what nutrients we shall offer our garden. We decide who and what we shall let into our garden. We also decide how we shall care for and tend our garden.

Isn’t it wonderful that different types of gardens flourish in diverse areas. That each is unique. That each is a special offering.

I am so grateful for the gardens around the globe. I feel so blessed that they share their bounty. I am in humble awe of the abundant opulence of such grand variegation.

Thank you to all the diverse seeds of the world & all the farmers who tend them…

Today as we move about our garden of life, may we celebrate the diverse unified oneness that this global experience magnifies. May we honor, cherish, respect and compassionately care.

Today is a new day to nurture, to choose, to decide and step forth.

May the seeds that we plant today in our hearts, minds and souls flourish tomorrow in a world that honors each unique seed.

For, we blossom more magnificently in the shared sunlight, water and nutrient dense soil.

What seeds are you planting today..?

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A Chance to Remember…

As a young girl I loved to sit at my small dark wood desk, resting underneath the solo window of my bedroom. A breeze spiraling in with sounds of the outside world. I would sit in that quiet reverie contemplating life, listening to the birds, the trees, the layers of silence. Feeling safe and held by the home which had stood strong since its construction during the great depression. I often wondered about the hands and hearts that built the large log cabin I lived in. They were on the road, away from family, working physically hard every day to send money home to those they loved. The Civilian Conservation Corps set up during the depression by President Franklin D. Roosevelt left a trail of crumbs across this nation in the form of log cabins, tree plantings, bridge building, forest fire fighting and so much more. I was gifted at age nine to move into one of these historic homes, it cradled me with stoic wisdom. In my heart, I shall always feel, hear, smell and resonate with the home and land that “built me”.

Today as I sit upon my fifteen dollar wicker garage sale chair, I am blessed to feel the soft caress of a spring breeze, watch the ripples on the pond and hear the song of birds intermixed with the distant buzz of traffic. This sweet little sanctuary is tucked in the center of a busy city, a diamond hidden in the hard concrete that swaddles it. I watch and listen as people walk by on the nature trail across the pond, they meander a path sandwiched between the Boise River and the planned suburban neighborhood. I wonder what they are thinking at this interesting time in our world. The dogs with them merrily celebrate the chance to play with their human being, living completely in the present moment as always in joyful glee and curiosity.

I get to sit here doing what I love, putting word to page, because the world is on “lockdown”, a time of shutting away to protect ourselves and each other from the COVID-19 pandemic. It is a sad and scary time and yet it is also an opportunity to slow down, reflect, feel and notice what is most important.

In the last few days I have noticed more families than ever before on the nature path. I have actually observed teenagers and young people, a rare sighting in the wooded arena. The natural world has become the safe zone, a place we can stretch our legs and allow movement to soothe the inner nagging fears. In the last few days I have watched my own children who are now young adults, play games, create art, read books, and for my son, prepare to finish his junior year of college online.

Personally I have found myself deeply searching what truly matters to me. While I am blessed to be off the treadmill of daily expectations and busy-ness, I tour what beckons my heart and soul? What do I dream to live and experience before I leave this planet? What makes me smile and feel vibrantly alive?

I have chuckled at the answers to these questions, for they are not a surprise. Instead they return full circle to the same dreams as that young girl sitting beneath her windowsill at her little wooden desk. I am still a simple person, a content introspective quiet soul. I find great joy in noticing the subtle changes in a flower that has started its blooming journey. Peace rises and percolates within me for the consistent grace and flow of nature, its tenacity and on going perseverance. Its exudes courage and strength as it bends and furls in response to the impacts of humans and mother nature. Like us, it is often at the mercy of what gets hurled upon it. The ebb and flow of tides perpetuate across the globe despite the human struggles at this time. Nature endures, we endure…

Nature mirrors for me what is possible.

To sprout and become in adversity.

To radiate beauty in the midst of chaos.

To serenade in perfect harmony amid the onslaught of man’s machines.

To acquiesce with perseverance and complete faith…

Like a fallen leave floating in forced surrender upon the turbulent waters of a fast moving river…

In time it shall eddy in quiet stillness, catching it’s breath, taking in the view…

Rising, falling, twisting, flipping, floating, where and when shall its journey end..?

Only to begin again…

~ Fawn Caveney
  • In this unexpected challenging time, what are you noticing about yourself and the life you live?
  • I am curious what you might be discovering as you are forced to slow down and BE?
  • Are you able to feel into gratitude for the hidden blessings?
  • Has your compassion expanded or contracted?
  • How can you use this time to reconnect to the self, ignite dreams?
  • What are the creative ways you can connect with others?
  • In the surrender can you find the inner peace that resides within?
In the darkness and unknown we can bloom…

For me, in this moment, I have been allowed the time to remember. To come home to the quiet little girl dreams. Sure, I could go down the path of fear, it is there tapping on my door. How would that serve me, or those I love? As I breathe in deeply, feeling the truth that each moment is pure grace, never to return again, I choose to hear, listen, feel and notice. How do I wish to spend the next moment? As always we are at choice to BE or react.

To you and yours I wish health, safety, and love.