Truthful Expectations…

As you have taken time this week to identify and notice your Expectations, you have been gifting yourself with a great awareness that manifests change.

Owning our truth is empowering...

The change is a powerful one, for you stop “Taking Things Personal” which undermines and powerfully impacts all relationships (see my book).

Many of our quiet Expectations are wrapped around our emotional desires and needs. Let’s look at a few examples:

Owning and sharing our desired Expectations frees everyone…
  • I enjoy touch, it is how I feel loved and how I share love.
    • If I have a partner who does not enjoy touch like I do, can I expect him/her to give me touch?
    • Can anyone read my mind and know this?
    • If I do not share this truth about my desired Expectation what is likely to unfold?
How we like our surroundings is riddled with quiet Expectations…
  • I feel stress when the house becomes messy.
    • If I live with other people, how might the Expectation that I need a neat and clean house impact the relationship?
    • What if I do not share my truth?
We often assume those closest to us know our Expectations and needs…
  • Deep personal conversation is how I truly connect with others. In my intimate relationships it is “foreplay” for me.
    • If I do not communicate this truthful Expectation in my friendships or intimate relationships, what will unfold?
    • Will my needs get met?
    • Is it fair to expect others to know this?

Today, take the time to notice your Expectations (download worksheet) – then get Truthful about them. It is amazing what can become when we own our Expectations, share them or Choose to let them go.

Expectation Awakening…

What might you learn about yourself, your family and the world around you if you truly explored the Expectations that riddle your life?

How do Expectations limit our pure potential…

If you were suddenly picked up and placed in the middle of a small village in Vietnam what would you witness that was different? What Personal Expectations about how people should live, might you face? What about how we should eat? What we should be doing? How we dress, communicate, the list goes on and on…

What wonders might we discover if we set ourselves free of Expectations..?

Now you are lifted and placed in the middle of Moscow, Russia. What might you struggle with here? Why? How do your Expectations that are wrapped up in your Domesticated upbringing impact how you adapt?

How can you use your Personal Expectations of the self to experience more..?

Next you are carried to the Al Haram Mosque, Mecca, in Saudi Arabia. What would you feel? Why? How much of what you feel is created by what you are taught, what you should EXPECT by being there?

How much of what you believe is dictated by the fears and Expectations of others..?

Finally you find yourself dropped into a farm in the middle of Nebraska, in the United States. As you place yourself into the experience what do you now feel? Notice your physical, mental, and emotional reactions. Where do they come from? Why?

What a powerful experience to notice our immediate reactions, for then we are Choice to Change…

As you gift yourself with the awakening to your Domesticated Expectations the world becomes a much more friendly place, for we begin to understand that everyone is living from a place of “taught” ways to BE and DO. As a human BEING what might you discover if you explore the depths of your own desires and passions, setting yourself free from Expectations that do not serve your truth?

I invite you to explore more at – The Beingness Project

Expectational Backlash…

Why waste time exploring Expectations? Who cares? What does it matter?

I daily observe and witness the backlash of Expectations. Some are subtle, while others compound and intensify into something quite frustrating. As humans we tend to carry around the idea that people “get it”, of course they know what we want and how we want it, right!? Doesn’t everyone do it that way, want it that way? The truth – NO!!

Is quiet time alone an expectation you have in your life?

We are all unique, raised in different homes, impacted by our own special families, brought up in a culture and way of thinking and believing that is exclusively our own. Therefore our Domesticated Expectations are individualistic in addition to those that we have chosen personally for our way of being.

Notice today as you walk around, how does someone in your office prefer their desk? Is it neat or cluttered? How do you drink your coffee versus your friend? Do you make your bed, but your partner never makes the bed? Are you one of those people that has the personal Expectation to work out everyday? Do you Expect people to open the door for you? Etc..??

Do you expect people to know, understand, respect and honor your rituals, religious beliefs, spiritual ways of being, without communicating?

Tomorrow we will dig into our assumptions around Expectations – the powerful boomerang effect that can have some really negative impacts. To prepare for that, think about how you do or do not communicate your Expectations. Do you Expect your family to know what you want, how and when? Do you Expect your partner to know certain things that you have never communicated? At work, do you assume that your boss and colleagues know how you feel and what you like/want?

Sharing openly our Expectations can free us all…

Downloadable Worksheet

Release the Bonds of Expectations…

As you more deeply explore and become acquainted with your relationship to Expectations (attaching worksheet here, just in case you missed it) you can empower yourself to make choices. Do your self-imposed Expectations serve you or not? Do they enhance your life experience? Create a sense of peace, expand love, spread joy, open up more, etc..? Or do they burden you? Limit your capacity to relax and enjoy? Impact your health and well being?

Viewing our authentic truth, introduces us to our heart’s desire...

As you become aware of your sneaky Expectations, you will begin to understand how they can often cripple and harm your relationships and quality of life. Do not criticize yourself for any of them, for many came into your world through the Domestication process. An example might be – what is your Expectation for cleaning the space you live in? Your Expectation for who you should date, marry, share time with or even talk to? Your Expectation of what you should be wearing?

As I journey and keep vigilant awareness around my thoughts and choices, I notice that some Expectations have served me for years, such as my workout regime. However, like all things, our needs and desires morph, so it is important to adjust accordingly. Recently I have been exploring what is my “new” Desired Expectation with regard to working out. I no longer enjoy or wish to push myself in the gym as I once did, it does not serve my present desires and uses. Thus, I have been releasing my Expectation of how my workouts “should” be to readjust and adapt to where I am now. Whew, what a sweet gift it is to release such pressure and judgment.

In honoring ourselves, we learn how to honor others…

All things in life change, transform and morph. Impermanence is a given. So what we once Expected from ourselves or others may not serve today as it did yesterday. Be open to the discovery that some Expectations have never served the TRUE Self. Have fun continuing to explore your Expectations, releasing those that do not serve to open the space to BE (check out The Beingness Project post for more).

Why…?

I woke today in pure, sweet, quiet grace… I could feel the nag of the human doing-ness pull on my arm. I told it to wait, to allow me the joy of BEING. As I welcomed the layered stillness and coolness of a 3:00am morning, the precious time before the world gets crazy and the chaos begins, a question rose from within me – “Why?” “Why do you get up Fawn?” “What propels you to step into each day?” “Why do you go forth into this world day after day?” “What is your ultimate truthful WHY?”

The raw pure essence of that which is, rests between the waking mind and the souls slumbering spirit …

Instead of brushing such a question aside, I sunk into its expansive grace. I allowed it to cradle me like a lover’s gentle warmth. As I breathed deeply into it, I smiled at the answer which always gurgles up with such beautiful clarity – to BE LOVE. If I swim in the vibrational energy of love, all personal and outside expectations slide away, like a raindrop releasing itself from a leaf.

In nature we are gifted to witness the purest form of BEINGNESS, free of all expectations…

Today I greet you with a question – What is your WHY?

If you release yourself from ALL personal and outside expectations, if you let go of ALL do, if you surrender into the luscious grace of BEING, what rises from within as your WHY to BE?

As you explore this question, you might ask yourself, is life driving me, or am I driving my life from my WHY of BEING?

What if all you had to do was BE???

The Beingness Project – Vlog #4 – Expectations

Stop Fixing – Start BEING

You are ENOUGH! You are WORTHY! You are PERFECT!

The Paradox of Expectations…

This is a HUGE week, for Expectations impact our daily lives way more than we realize. While they are not “bad” per se, they often have very powerful impacts due to their quiet relationship with assumption. During our Domestication process, we are taken from our innocent, open, non-judgmental babyhood, into our journey to become an adult. As we grow up we are bombarded from all angles with teachings and “ways to be”, that form our foundation of expectations.

 

Let’s do a simple comparison – a child born in China is raised culturally and societally very differently than a child born in the United States. Now let’s expand that difference even more, a child born in a small village in China versus a child born in New York City in the United States. If we then add on religion, school, and family, the layers of domesticated expectations are intensifying and expanding.

What gets harmful about expectations is the quiet dance it has with assumption. We assume that others know and understand our expectations, that we do not have to share them, or communicate what we expect. However, as I shared in the video, expectations can be subtle or prominent.

Some examples of prominent expectations are the societal, cultural and religious “rules”. Such as, you are expected to wear clothing in public, you drive on specific sides of the road, you eat with utensils or fingers in a distinct way depending on where you live in the world, you practice or take part in certain religious holidays or activities…. By now I think you get the idea, I could fill pages with the domesticated expectations we are groomed to live by.

The ones I want to explore this next week are the more subtle unspoken ones, for they directly impact our most important relationships. Again I must remind you that these expectations are taught and learned through our domesticated upbringing. The good news, we are at Choice to hang onto our expectations or change them. Even better news, if we learn to communicate our expectations we change everything, freeing ourselves and others from the burden of assumption.

Download the worksheet to begin the exploration into your Expectations. It’s going to be a powerful week!

Your Desired Emotions Move Your Life…

On this final day of exploring “Our Emotions” before we move into Expectations, I wanted to offer and recap some of this last weeks offerings. I share the video from “The Beingness Project” Vlog as a reminder that all we have to do is BE. In the chaotic world of today we have grown detached from our inner truth, racing from one “To Do” thing to the next, barely breathing, as we march through life without knowing what we truly feel. The ironic twist of it all, is that we are ultimately driven by “What We WANT to FEEL”, so why do we run from that which we seek, a Domesticated Paradox.

Answer these questions from the heart:

  • Why are you working so hard?
  • What do you want to achieve? Why?
  • Why do you want a lot of money?
  • Why do you want to have nice things?
  • Once you have everything you “want” – what then?
  • Why do you seek love?
  • What does a nice home and possessions give you?
  • Why do you desire to travel?

If you really answer the above questions, you will discover that at the root of them ALL, is the desire to “FEEL” a certain emotion. Such as, freedom felt through financial abundance. Acceptance and a feeling of being chosen, when we are loved. Pride with a sensation of success when we achieve a certain status. Joy, connection, and curious wonder as we travel to new places and meet new people. Peace, contentment and an inner sense of feeling safe when we relax within the comforts of our own home. You get the idea…

Downloadable Worksheet

When we accept the truth that we are driven by the DESIRE to feel a certain way, we open up to the true power of our human spirit. If we first embrace the emotion we wish to experience, the rest will start to become. We must first feel joy within ourselves, to then truly experience it. Freedom is evoked from our own heart and soul, someone does not give you freedom. Peace does not reside outside ourselves, it comes from within. All that we seek exists inside us, once we Choose to own and BE in our desired emotions, our life experience begins to unfold for us.

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What you desire, is driven by how you want to feel…

It gets back to the simple practice of Noticing what you are feeling, Breathing deeply and Choosing what you desire to feel. Then BE it.

A Box of FEAR…

A strange title for sure, however I hope it made you curious to read more, for I want to share a game that may help to change your life.

  • Have you ever wanted to do something, but fear got in your way?
  • Do you have a dream for the kind of life you want to live, but you’re too afraid to go for it?
  • When you look back on your life do you wish you had taken more chances? Have regrets?

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You either fuel the fire of fear or put it out…

Are you ready to stop letting FEAR rule your life? If so let’s undertake this project together. 

A Box of FEAR!!

  1. Find a box, or container of some sort that you can decorate with inspiration. If you prefer your container to be on the computer, then create a space where you can place words or phrases.
  2. Cut up some paper to write words, sentences or descriptions. If on the computer skip this step.
  3. Now think of one thing in your life that you have wanted to do or say, but FEAR has kept you stuck.
  4. As you think of this thing/sharing explore what you fear (See example below), identify the specific fear, write it down.
  5. Now, look at the specific fear you wrote down, really see it. Take a deep long breath, honoring that fear – then tell it in your own words, “You no longer control me”- place the fear in the container/box.
  6. As you place it in the box/container you are letting it go.
  7. In place of the fear choose a word that is empowering, often the opposite of the fear.
  8. Then CHOOSE one action step that you will take towards what you want to do/create/share.
  9. Write this action step down on a piece of paper or computer. Put it where you see it many times throughout the day.
  10. Take your action step!! (This does not have to be a big step, many little steps lead to the same destination)

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Fear can become a friend you welcome, for it lights up a path of growth and becoming..

Examples:

  1. I was terrified to send my first article off for publication to a magazine. As I looked at the fear it was based in “fear of rejection”. I gave “rejection” over to the Box of Fear and in its place I chose “Acceptance” with the action step of sending off the article. As a side note, it did get published :-).
  2. I was scared to go back to college full time in my forties as a single mom with two young children and no car. My base fear was “fear of failure”. I let go of this fear, placing it in the box. In its place I chose “Courage” and “I am ENOUGH”. My action step, enroll, apply for financial aid and start back full time. Find a job on campus and get good at riding my bike. I completed my Bachelors degree.  

Use this process to discover that you are brave enough, you are courageous, you are worthy, you can do it!!

Once you have built up your muscle of self-worth and self-love, you will no longer need “The Box of Fear”. Fear does not go away if you are living a dynamic passionate life, however it will have no control or limiting impact.

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Fear only has power if you decide to feed it…

Fear is the grand gift that can propel you into the direction of your heart’s desire.

Embracing Nothingness…

I find there are days or periods of time when I feel detached, as though I observe the world from a distance. I observe the hustle and bustle, feel the chaos and sense immense anticipation. I identify this emotion for me as an almost vast nothingness. I am not sad or happy, frustrated or free, just in a suspended weightlessness. I embrace that all is in process and transforming.

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The grace of surrendered BEING opens up caverns of unknown possibilities…

Like all emotions, the sensation of “nothingness” shifts. If I allow myself to feel all the nuances and subtleties, I discover that it is actually a very fine space to BE. It unfolds for me the wisdom of patience, faith and surrender. Learning that I do not need to change it, force it to be something else, deny it, or stuff it away.

In the past I have even cancelled plans to cuddle up with this emotional sensation, for I know on the other side of it I will awaken to a sweeter depth of BEING. It is an opportunity to love that which is and thus allow life to become and unfold. So often we force change, demand instant gratification, running from the awkward discomfort of not knowing.

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To welcome the unknown is to open up the raw potential for more…

Today is one of those days for me. I take a nice long inhale, hold it, and smile softly as I gently exhale, for I know that much is happening for me that I cannot see. Some would call this blind faith, others I suppose would see it as stupidity. I see and feel it as surrendered trust, the ultimate faith that all is unfolding and becoming exactly as it is meant to BE.

Do you ever have moments of unknown, unidentifiable emotion? Have you allowed them to BE, or forced yourself into a new emotion?

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In forcing, we miss that which is trying to become for us…

Today, I invite you to celebrate and BE in whatever emotions you are graced to experience. Allow the flow to unfurl, swirl, and dance. I encourage you to welcome the feeling of “nothing”, for it can open up some of the most amazing Ah-Ha discoveries.

I hope to see you at The Beingness Project for more fun exploration, free worksheets, videos and…