This week has been an exploration of words, perfection, presence, fear, grace and now truth. I have enjoyed the opportunity to ponder with you below the surface of these words, to dig in and be open to their multifaceted impact. Today’s word has been a life rudder, always. I would have to say that personally the only other word that guides me more is love, truth and love, the two legs upon which I walk, run, dance, and leap.
Truth, hmmm… a simple word with high voltage impact. One we think we understand in others and yet we cannot. What do I mean by that? Well, we assume and pretend that we know another’s truth, yet that is impossible. Even though they may be our best friend of twenty years, our spouse of thirty years, our parents, our child, we do not know! It is preposterous to think we can, unless you are truly gifted to read minds, hearts and souls all at once. The old adage of “walking in another’s moccasins” is true, we can attempt to understand, however it is not ours to know.
Here is another level of truth I love to explore, the “surface taught expected” truth versus the “deep inner authentic” truth. Personally for me, these two have very different expressions; one skates across the surface like a water bug, barely touching down to really share anything, while the other plunges below the iceberg into the depths that few are willing to dive. Ironically, from my perspective and life experience, the depths of our raw truth is what sets us free, opening us to pure grace. My truth is what truly connects me to another, it is the pathway of love, the light in the dark, the exhale after holding my breath.
As I work with people one on one, in workshops, and classes, I grow to understand and sadly notice that most people are uncomfortable to go within to expose the core truth. Instead they prefer the comfort of mirroring the truth they think you want to hear and see, or they tell you the truth that has been taught and imprinted on their mind. To feel and then put words to what is their inner truth, would be to stand vulnerably naked. Yet, here is the caveat, the truth that sets you free is the one you run from, it is the one you left behind in childhood, the one you have profound deafness to, the one which can change everything.
Let’s look at a hypothetical tiny example. My love and I have come home after a long day at work, we are both tired and a wee bit grumpy. I am hungry, yet really do not feel like cooking. I keep hoping he will offer to make dinner for us. I don’t say anything, just keep hoping he will read my mind. We are being kind, have shared the usual “Hi how are you, nice to see you” perfunctory kiss (I find this sad.., but that is for another blog entry) and are going about our usual unwind settle in business. I keep quietly hoping, but say nothing. Finally, I start to hint, “What do you think we should have for dinner? I’m out of ideas”. “I don’t know, what were you thinking about making.”, he is definitely not getting it. I become irritated, still not sharing my REAL INNER TRUTH. I fall prey to my tired weakness and begin to barrage the poor man with my victim onslaught, “Why is it always about what I am going to make? Why can’t you come up with some ideas? Why don’t you offer to cook one night…?” Ever heard or experienced something like this? Maybe about the laundry, house cleaning, yard work, etc…. What do you think? Has this interaction likely brought us closer? Made us feel better? Probably not!
What if I had made a different choice? What if I had gone over to him, given him a truly sincere hug, saying, “Hun I am really beat tonight. Do you mind just holding me for a few? It would fill my heart up to soak in your love.” As I stand there in his arms, feeling close and loved, I can then share more truth, “I just don’t have the energy or creativity to make dinner tonight. Do you feel like making it, or have any ideas? How are you feeling tonight?”
Which scenario is likely to give me what I really want? Which one is my real truth? The second scene keeps me in my truth, it does not point fingers or deflect from what I am really feeling. It leans into love versus pushing it away. I have never understood why we will not listen to, or grow our inner truth muscle, for it is what sets us free to be our true self.
When I was a teacher, I experienced that most students did not even know how to access their inner truth. They lived in their heads, the response was a thoughtful HONEST answer, not an authentic TRUTH. There is a difference and we all feel it, know it, and yet do not share it freely, we actually stuff it, deny it, and often run from it. Pausing to deeply breathe and feel we can touch that place of knowing truth, ahhhh, there it is.
Instead we will choose to escalate into surface dialogue that can lead to insult depending on how much we want to blame, shame, or play victim. The most profound experiences and shared times in my life, revolved around raw, vulnerable, naked, truth. This is the muscle I work to grow. This is the place I prefer to live. The glorious freedom of this space is completely addictive. One of the things I love about children, they have not yet forgotten their real TRUTH, they share it without apology. As always we are each delightfully at choice!
I send you off into the weekend with humble gratitude for the time you have shared with me this week. My wish for you is that today and all days you shall be embraced with heartfelt loving truth. A.C.T. (always choose truth) with loving inner sincerity….