Day two…burning eyes..,

My eyes burn, informing me of the early hour. I hear in my brain the conflicted conversation between health and motivational gurus, the first saying, sleep is vital to ones longevity and health, the latter stating that if you want to succeed you must sacrifice sleep to make it happen. Day two of the 2:45am alarm. I can honestly say that I absolutely love waking up to put word to page, for over twenty-five years I have consistently, almost religiously, set the alarm so I can greet the day with a blank journal page. My earliest journals go back to when I was ten years old, its where I dream, process, unload and come home to who I truly am.

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“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” ― Ernest Hemingway

Today, despite the wee hour, I wake excited, embodying the same energy as I did when I put my body to rest last night. The world is dynamically aligning with my dreams and desires. Yesterday graced me with more women signing up for the two upcoming four month workshops that start in November. Then just prior to bed, I received a positive email from an integrative doctor I had contacted last week. His response fueled my fire, for there are many ways he and I can benefit from each other’s business.  Prior to this, I was blessed to set up an interview that may serve as the part-time income necessary to get me back on my feet, while I build the business. Just as I was climbing into bed, “ding” another email from an interested person for the classes I am offering. I do believe the dry financial coffers may soon feel some reprieve.

This journey is a consistent battle within the heart, soul and mind. While yesterday was chock full of good news, it also found me literally counting the pennies left in my bank account, so I could pay for my son’s required TB test for college and give him twenty dollars to go to the movies with friends. I hate that!! Twenty dollars is literally a drop in the bucket for many people, while for others like me at present, it is the difference between eating and not. All the mentors and successful people I look to for guidance, say you must shift the scarcity mindset, that abundance is readily there! They state that once you step into your purpose with clarity, focus, intention, and take action everyday, all will become. The need to succeed definitely shifts when it comes down to survival or not, it gets rid of the casual “I can do it tomorrow” attitude. The one I hear many people state, “oh I will do it tomorrow…”, yet tomorrow never seems to come. I’m guilty of exactly that, for years, get a job, have the money start rolling in and the dreams just slip into, “I’ll start that tomorrow, next week, next month…” and then the years slip by. Here I sit at fifty-two a by product of exactly that!

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“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.” ~Thomas A. Edison

Now, mind you, I have stayed true to prioritizing my physical, mental, and spiritual care for a good thirty five plus years. Started consistently doing some kind of physical exercise when I was fifteen, along with paying attention to what food I was putting in my body – thus the health coaching certification which I just completed. I have journaled since I was ten and consistently made time for the aspects of my soul, for as long as I can remember. All of these things have morphed, and shifted, depending on what I am learning and experiencing, where I am living and exploring. Unlike the bestseller written by someone who conquered a disease or lost hundreds of pounds, I am the story of staying healthy my whole life with conscious consistent effort. Yesterday as I lifted weights, I thought back to when I first started lifting weights, it was crazy to realize that I started weightlifting nearly thirty years ago!!

Today is a good day, actually every day is a grand day! I feel alive as I look to the future – I am happy to be quietly putting word to page, looking forward to sweating and pushing my body at the gym and excited to come home and prepare for the class I teach tonight. An added bonus this week is sharing time with both my children, for my son is home from college to enjoy his Fall break. I celebrate the immense gift they are to me, both such amazing young people who cheer me on every day. They high five me when I sign up another person for the classes, honestly critique my brochures, and have a faith in me that makes me look in the mirror with determination – “I will role model that dreams can come true!!”

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“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

I close for today, keeping my promise to stay short. Until tomorrow I wish all of you a day of grace and gratitude. May you A. C. T. (always choose truth) with love, compassion, and joy.

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The Journey Begins….

Hello my dear blog followers. It has been a long time since I last came to the page, WOW can a lot happen in seven months. Instead of digging into the blow by blow story of the past seven months, I decided to really put myself on the line as a writer, to literally “walk my talk”. The name of my business is “Walking Naked Truth”, what exactly does that mean, for me it means that the most amazing freedom resides in living and being our truth, our naked, raw, vulnerable, exposed truth. Stepping forward everyday, in all our moments being our true authentic selves. So, how will this show up on the page? Monday through Friday, you will hear from me, it will be short, which is a challenge for me, yet it seems that most people do not have time for anything of length and depth anymore – so short, sweet, raw, naked, truth – what I feel in the subconscious 3:00am hour about my journey.

Today is about setting the stage, letting you into my life through the words upon this page. It is presently 3:29am, I set the alarm for 2:55am, I think tomorrow it shall be 2:45am, so I have a few more minutes to be on the page and in the journal before I head to the gym for the 5:15am to 6:45am workout. Then it is time to race home, make my daughter lunch, run her to school and come back to push myself, believe in my dream, and step with all I got towards its manifestation. It is time for discipline, perseverance, determination, and focused intent.

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“Not all those who wander are lost.” ― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

What is my truth today? In this moment I battle the fears and limited belief teachings. I struggle with the inner voices that judge, they parrot the outside worlds perspectives with regard to my present situation. I sit with a small light and candles encircling the dark space of the early morning. I can feel my insides churning, do I have what it takes, can I face the discomfort and feeling of exposure to send these words out into the airwaves? I sit on the line of fear versus excitement, for as we step into our purpose and passion a fire starts to ignite, excited to be doing what fills your heart and soul, yet terrified to fall flat – it is that grand juxtaposition sensation, fear of failure, fear of success.

The black and white truth with no emotion is that I am broke financially. I am desperately trying to build my business as an interpersonal experiential facilitator, health coach, writer and motivational speaker. When I shared with you last I was in a similar space, gradually making some headway, then love swept me off my feet. I left it all, I stopped, I dropped the page, the coaching, the facilitating, I just kept one small powerful  Women’s Circle going. I stepped off into an abyss that was unknown to me, a life where I was “taken care of and supported” by a generous man. What happened is its own story, what I wish to share and touch here in this blog is not the past per se, but how we can limit, stay stuck, avoid our truth, and deny our purpose.

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“No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.” ― Heraclitus

My truth is that I must shamefully admit that I have been here before, more than once, each time giving up, letting fear win. This time, I look to this page, my workouts, my clients, my workshops/classes, and opportunities to speak, as my rudder to fully embrace my passionate truth. As in Brene Brown’s book, “Rising Strong”, I choose to rise up in the arena, not sit on the sidelines of life. Thankfully many souls before me and today role model for me this grit, tenacity, conviction, and passion – you and I would not have a lightbulb, computer, airplane, car, etc…if someone had not had a dream and vision, a truth I cling to in my weak moments.

I conclude for today, tune in tomorrow for what happens next in the journey to “Walk  my Naked Truth” – will it be a day facing fears, celebrating successes, climbing mountains of judgment…?? We have one life, its finite, not infinite. Until tomorrow – A.C.T. (Always choose truth)!!