What is the main focus of my blog? It is to help you and I to explore, uncover, and expose our truths. In coming to the page in authentic vulnerable truth, I hope to help you feel less alone and to give you courage to step off the “repeat button” of your life. Why are we willing to go through the motions? Why do we accept fear as the controlling force in our world? Why do we not question and ask why? And for goodness sake, why are we afraid to tell those who love us our real TRUTH??
It has been my experience since I can remember that people most often keep secrets and do not share the raw truth with those they claim to love the most. Really!! This baffles me…constantly. Yet I remember I did the same thing, especially in my younger years, for I had no role models to show me anything different. Everyone around me was great at pretending, going through the motions, and making sure not to cause any waves – YET…the sad part of all this is that within us all there is a deep sadness and a knowing that our life’s are a partial lie.
The truth I speak of is not the black and white scientific concrete story. Yes, the earth is round. Yes, a green bean is green (well there is the yellow wax bean). You get the point – the truth I speak of is the one guided by our heart, soul, feelings, emotions, and inner knowing.
What are we afraid of? One might say we are afraid to hurt someone’s feelings, afraid of conflict, afraid to tip the boat over – but I want to pose another possibility – I think we are most afraid of getting exactly what we want, truly connecting and feeling love at a level that scares the bajeebies out of us!! Ironically though, it is what our whole being aches for, craves, desires, and wants!!
In my early thirties I began to put this hypothesis into action. It took serious focus, attention, and rewiring!! Throughout our lives we are taught to share in a surface way, to be careful, to be nice, and to not expose our true feelings, basically we are taught to put up walls and keep our deepest feelings to ourselves. It was and is a daily conscious practice to shift away from this known taught pattern, at times I fall back on the behavior, for I am a mere human on this journey. As time goes by it becomes truly easier for me to be truthful from my very core, allowing me to enjoy immense freedom in all my relationships.
My recent situation with my job loss put me right back into the vulnerable space to explore what I am truly feeling. How do I share my “raw truth” with others, and let the egoic blame, shame game have no power? Gulp, breathe, pause, breathe…I think I can!! Telling my children was the biggest struggle, yet I knew I wanted to be the most truthful, the most open, loving, and exposed with them. Oh it would be soooo easy to blame the employer, go into a story of unfairness, and blah..blah..blah…that’s what we are taught to do – the fault and reason is over there, not here.
I looked deeply into the eyes of my son and daughter, “I have some news for you that I want to share.” They graced me with their complete quiet presence, truly listening with no distractions. Taking in a very deep breath I said,
“I lost my job. I feel so horrible about this, in that I do not want you to worry or feel embarrassed. I know we have been here before, for that I am very sorry. There are many reasons it did not work or last, but the important understanding and knowing for me is that I must be doing something that is in line with my soul purpose and dreams – I get less and less good at pretending, and going through the motions. I hope you two can forgive me and believe that all is going to be okay. I don’t know how yet to bridge the financial gap between here and the success of my business, but I know I must go for it, and trust that the answers will come.”
My son looked at me and said, “Mom, we are definitely not embarrassed! You work harder than anyone I know, it just makes me sad that you never get valued for all that you do.” My daughter scooted across the floor to wrap me in a full body hug. Tears stung my eyes as I opened to receive the powerful unconditional love of my children, their unwavering support, encouragement, and faith in me, it rocked my heart and soul. I looked at them both and let the tears flow freely as I shared, “You know what made me the most mad about all of this was that I had calculated my budget and I was so excited that finally after four years, I was going to be able to buy you both a Christmas present. Now that is gone.” My son with his compassionate ways responded, “Mom, we don’t need any presents, you are all we need.” My daughter hugged me tighter.
In this humbling journey of truth I not only freed myself from the burden of pretending, but I opened the door for my loved ones to journey with me. This is only one example of how our sincere truth can set us free. I could go on and on, for as I practice this more deeply in my life, I only discover that it enriches and empowers every connection I am graced to experience. Whether it is your lover, your children, a colleague, or a stranger you meet, the opportunity to stop and share truth is profound – the gift it offers, ripples out beyond our wildest dreams.
I ask you – why are we afraid to ask for a hug, when that is what we truly want? Why are we afraid to say “I love you” first? Why do we not compassionately share when we feel hurt and explain why? Why do we prefer to choose anger, blame, denial, and pretending, over the grace of truth? Ultimately, why do we run from that which we really want – truthful inter-connection?
I hope you will reflect, digest, and take the chance to walk exposed in the vulnerable truth you are, for it truly will begin to set you free. One little reminder, sharing personal truth is not about blame or shame!!
A “minnie how to” to tap into your truth, so you can share it –
- You have to stop, be still, and take in a deep breath – the kind that reaches all the way to your toes.
- In that quiet space feel into your truth, what am I really feeling? Anger, hurt, sadness, disconnect, etc…?
- Once you have identified the feeling, follow it to the source. Example: Am I feeling disconnected from my husband and just want a hug and some time together. Am I feeling hurt because a colleague always leaves me out of the gatherings? Am I mad at my kids for treating me with disrespect and taking me for granted?
- Now that you know the source, feel it, explore it, what do you really want, why are you feeling pain, anger, etc… Identify what you really wish was happening.
- This is the courageous part; share your truth in a compassionate “I” statement that is not about blame or shame – just the raw truth. Example: “Hun, can I talk to you a moment, lately I have been feeling really distant from you, I would really enjoy a hug and to set a date for us to share time alone.” Take the BIG risk here and sincerely look into the eyes of the person you are sharing with – “See and be Seen” it is so important and precious.
- Each time you do this it becomes easier and easier to identify what you are feeling and why. You will actually grow to look forward to sharing, for it will set all involved free.